What Comes Next, Matters!

 When crisis hits, most people flail.

That’s not a judgment—it’s a description. It’s human. Something breaks, something shocks us, something changes faster than we can process, and we react. Emotionally. Urgently. Loudly.

But flailing is not planning.

And what comes next depends on whether we stay in reaction…or move into intention.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, crisis destroys what was—but it also creates the conditions for something new to emerge. The fire doesn’t just consume; it clears away what no longer works. What rises next isn’t accidental—it depends on what we choose to rebuild. If we approach hardship with intention, clarity, and purpose, we don’t just recover—we transform, shaping a stronger, wiser future from what was lost.

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The Question That Changes Everything

In any crisis—personal, professional, or societal—the most important question isn’t:

“How bad is this?”

It’s:

“What do we want to come next?”

Because naming the problem, even accurately and passionately, does not create a better future. Saying “this is horrible” may be true. It may even be necessary in the moment.

But it doesn’t move us forward.

At some point, we have to ask:

• What good could come out of this?
• What do we want to build from the ashes?
• What would “better” actually look like?

Without those answers, we’re not responding to crisis—we’re just experiencing it.

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Humanism and the Responsibility to Build

From a humanist perspective, there is no external force coming to fix things for us. No cosmic reset button. No guarantee that things will “work out.”

That can feel daunting. But it’s also empowering.

Because it means the future is, in part, ours to shape.

I often come back to a version of the Serenity Prayer:

Have the courage to change the things you can,
the patience to accept the things you can’t,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

The hardest part isn’t courage or patience.

It’s knowing the difference.

That’s why humanists rely on tools like science, logic, and skepticism—to help us accurately assess reality. To figure out where we actually have influence, and where we don’t.

Because here’s the danger: if we assume everything is out of our control, we may accept situations we could have changed. We may surrender agency where action was possible.

Humanism pushes in the opposite direction. It asks us to be thoughtfully optimistic—to assume change is possible, test that assumption, and act where we can.

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From Reaction to Intention

Moving from flailing to planning requires one critical shift:

You must have some idea of the future you want.

Not a perfect plan. Not a guaranteed outcome. Just a direction.

Because once you know what you want to come next, you can begin asking better questions:

• What would make this situation meaningfully better?
• What specific changes would prevent this from happening again?
• What systems, structures, or behaviors need to evolve?

This applies at every level of life.

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In Society and Politics

If a crisis exposes a systemic failure, then the question becomes: what structural changes would lead to a better outcome next time?

Vague outrage won’t get us there. Concrete ideas might.

For example:

• If we’re concerned about unchecked executive power, what specific safeguards would reduce that risk?
• What laws, policies, or even constitutional changes would create better accountability?

Not all ideas will be good ones. Not all will be feasible. But the act of generating tangible, testable proposals is how progress begins.

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At Work

When something goes wrong professionally—a failed project, a toxic dynamic, a broken system—the same principle applies.

• What worked, even a little?
• What didn’t?
• What do we want to be different next time?

Crisis can become a catalyst for better processes, clearer communication, and stronger boundaries—if we choose to extract those lessons and act on them.

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In Relationships

Conflict, loss, and disruption in relationships are some of the hardest crises we face.

And yet, even here:

• What kind of relationship do you want going forward?
• What behaviors need to change—yours or theirs?
• What boundaries or expectations would create something healthier?

You may not control the other person. But you always have some influence over what you bring into the next chapter.

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A Simple Framework for Moving Forward

No matter the situation, you can ground yourself with three questions:

1. What good do I want to come out of this—for myself?
2. What good do I want to come out of this—for others?
3. What good do I want to come out of this—for my community?

(In that order.)

Then ask:

What can I do—right now—to start moving in that direction?

Not someday. Not when things calm down. Not when someone else fixes it.

Now.

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Start Where You Have Control

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Even the best plans can fail. That uncertainty is real—and yes, it’s stressful.

But uncertainty doesn’t remove responsibility. It clarifies it.

We don’t control outcomes.
We do influence them.

So when crisis hits:

• Accept what is real.
• Decide what you want next.
• Identify what you can control.
• Start working toward it.

Because what comes next doesn’t just happen.

It gets built.

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Learn More: 

If you want to move from flailing to planning, this is exactly the skill set I teach in Reality Based Decision Making for Effective Strategy Development. The core idea is simple but powerful: you can’t build a better future if you’re not grounded in reality. Instead of reacting emotionally or getting stuck in overwhelm, you learn how to assess what’s actually happening, identify what you can control, and make intentional, strategic choices about what comes next. It’s a practical framework for turning crisis into clarity—so you can stop reacting to events and start shaping outcomes.

When Crisis Hits: A Humanist Way of Coping

 Today, my husband was in a bad car accident.

Thanks to modern vehicles and sheer luck, he’s okay. The man who hit him is okay too. There are injuries, but nothing life-threatening. We are fortunate—and I don’t use that word lightly.

This can happen to anyone. No one is immune.

A few months ago I went out to lunch with a new friend. Within two weeks of meeting her, her husband became gravely ill. For the past two months, she’s been shuttling him from doctor to doctor, trying to solve a terrifying mystery. He can’t breathe properly, but it’s not his heart. It’s not his lungs. No one knows why.

And while the crisis drags on, life doesn’t pause.

Work still needs to be done. Food still needs to be bought. Bills still need to be paid. The mundane mechanics of life keep grinding forward, even when everything feels fragile.

When my husband called me from the accident scene, I went into what I call “what’s next mode.”

What needs to be done right now?
What information needs to be gathered?
Who needs to be called?
What needs to happen tomorrow?

Doctor visits. Insurance claims. Lawyers. Logistics.

I didn’t panic. I didn’t freeze. I did what needed to be done. I took care of my husband. Then I cooked dinner. I folded laundry.

And then I started shaking.

Because once the immediate needs were met, reality caught up with me.

He could have died today.
The other man could have died today.

We aren’t guaranteed anything.

How Humanism Helps Me Cope

As a Humanist, I find that confronting this reality—honestly and without softening it—actually helps me cope.

We aren’t special.
Bad things happen.
They happen to everyone, eventually.

I waste zero time on “Why me?”
I already know the answer.

Because this is what being human means.

Sometimes we get lucky. Sometimes we don’t. That’s not punishment or destiny—it’s reality. And because that’s my starting point, I can accept what’s happening faster than if I believed there was a larger meaning to decode or a cosmic explanation I was owed.

I think this is one of the quiet strengths of Humanism.

Because we don’t believe we are protected or chosen, we accept reality sooner. And acceptance frees up energy—not for denial or bargaining, but for action.

Action Doesn’t Mean Emotional Absence

This doesn’t mean Humanists don’t feel deeply. We do.

I’m feeling it now—in the shaking, in the delayed adrenaline, in the sudden awareness of how close today came to going very differently.

But Humanism biases us toward reality-based action.

What can I do right now to make this situation a little bit better?

That question matters. It’s grounding. It gives us traction when everything feels unstable.

Action doesn’t erase grief or fear—but it keeps us moving through it instead of being consumed by it.

It’s Okay to Be Human

Crisis exposes something important: there is no “right” way to respond.

Sometimes the most human response is efficiency.
Sometimes it’s numbness.
Sometimes it’s tears that come hours—or days—later.

All of that is normal.

Humanism doesn’t ask us to transcend our humanity. It asks us to work with it.

To face reality as it is.
To care for one another because no one else is coming to save us.
To make things a little better where we can.

Humanistic Leadership in Crisis Situations

This same approach applies in workplace crises. Layoffs, public failures, harassment investigations, sudden leadership changes—these moments trigger fear and uncertainty just as powerfully as personal emergencies. Good leaders don’t dismiss emotions, but they don’t drown in them either. They make space for people to be human and help teams focus on what can be done next. What problems are solvable right now? What support is needed? What clarity can be provided? Reality-based leadership in crisis isn’t cold—it’s compassionate, stabilizing, and deeply human.

The Only Guarantee We Have

Every day we have with the people we love is a gift.

Not because it’s divinely granted.
Not because it’s deserved.
But because it’s temporary.

Knowing that doesn’t make life bleak for me—it makes it precious.

Today reminded me how thin the line is between “ordinary” and “everything changed.” And tomorrow, like today, will still require groceries, emails, and laundry.

But it will also require something else:

Presence. Gratitude. And the courage to keep acting in a world that offers no guarantees.

That, to me, is the Humanist response to crisis.

Learn More:

If you want to learn more - My first book and course can help.  I explore how to live humanistically, even when things are difficult or horrifying.

Book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness - https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Course: Living Made Simpler - https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

I don't sugar coat things. Life is often hard.  But that doesn't mean it's not also awesome.  There is a duality to life's experiences. Or rather a triality.  Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's horrible and sometimes it is just ok.  If you let me, I can teach you how to cope in a way that will help you - make life, the good and the bad and the meh - simpler. 

Why Do We Want Money? A Socratic Dialogue on Real Needs

A Humanistic and Socratic exploration of why we chase money, what our true needs are, and how to think critically about both personal and societal systems that shape that chase.

Socrates: Tell me, my friend, why do you want money?
Student: Because I need to pay my bills.

Socrates: And why do you need to pay your bills?
Student: Because if I don’t, I’ll lose my home, my food, my health care.

Socrates: And why would that be a problem?
Student: Because without those things, I could die.

Socrates: So what you truly need is not money itself, but food, water, shelter, and health.
Student: I suppose that’s true.

Socrates: Then why do you focus so much on money?
Student: Because that’s how I get those things.

Socrates: Is it the only way?

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This is where Socratic questioning gets interesting.
When we take time to “go Socratic on ourselves,” we begin to separate real needs from proxy problems — the things we chase because we think they’ll solve the real problem.

Money is a proxy. It’s a means to an end, not the end itself.
When we forget that, we risk optimizing our lives around the wrong goal.

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Thinking Beyond Proxies

When we ask why enough times, we eventually reach bedrock — our core human needs: survival, safety, belonging, purpose. Once we know what those needs really are, we can start thinking more creatively about how to meet them.

For example:
If the goal is water for your field, what can you do?
You could pray for rain.
You could irrigate the field.
You could do both.

But if you only pray and take no action, you leave the outcome to fate — and that is not the Humanist way. Humanism is about taking responsibility for outcomes through reason, compassion, and evidence-based action.  We don't care if you pray - as long as you also take action to fix your problems, whatever they are. 

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Thinking Beyond the Individual

Once you apply this kind of questioning to your personal life, it’s natural to extend it to society.

Why do people lose their health care when they lose their jobs?
Because our system ties health care to employment.
Why do we tie health care to employment?
Because we’ve decided that’s how it should work.

Can we decide differently?
Yes.

That’s the power of Socratic questioning — it helps us see that many of our systems are not inevitable. They are choices we made, and we can make different ones.

This is just an example. My main point is that we need to know we have options if we are to seek those options out. Will those options be better than what we have now? I don't know. This is about exploring options and using critical thinking to help us think outside the box of the here and now to propose possible futures. 

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The Humanist Lesson

If you want to become more effective in your life — and as a citizen — practice this:
Ask why.  

Why are you working on this problem?  Why did you answer the way you did? Keep asking why until you identify what you are really trying to do and why you are trying to do it. You can stop when you get to the - if I don't do this - bad things will happen. That's when you've identified your real problem. 

Follow the logic to its roots.
Identify your real need.
And then, take reasoned action to meet it.

The more we do this — individually and collectively — the better we get at solving real problems instead of chasing proxies.  I use this method as a way to teach people the critical thinking skills they need to be more effective and strategic in their actions.

Critical thinking isn't just about making sure you are being logical and using science, though that is important. It is also the practice of self interrogation, so you can be more effective by helping focusing on your real problems

When we think critically and act compassionately, we don’t just survive — we thrive.

Why Be a Good Person (Even When It Feels Hard)

Compassion is an important part of my practice as a Humanist.  But when I talk about the importance of responding with compassion to people who are struggling with difficult situations, the most common concern people raise is this:

“But if you’re compassionate, won’t bad people just take advantage of you?”

I get it. On the surface, it can feel like being a good person just paints a big target on your back. Why bother? What’s in it for you?

Here’s the reality: being a bad person doesn’t protect you from bad people either. Bad people take advantage of bad people all the time. In fact, bad people are often each other’s favorite targets. So the idea that being mean, tough, or selfish shields you from harm just isn’t true.

That means the real question isn’t, “Will being good protect me?” It’s “Who do I want to be?”

I choose to be good because it’s who I want to be. My values matter to me. Being good doesn’t mean rolling over and letting people walk all over you. It means defending yourself without abandoning your principles. It means setting boundaries without becoming cruel. Most of the time, it means walking away. And when I do have to take action, I act from my values—not from anger or frustration.

Another concern I hear a lot is: “What if I want to be a good person, but I work in a place where others aren’t? How do I manage that?”

My answer is always the same: you don’t need anyone’s permission to be a good person. Yes, it’s harder when you are surrounded by unethical colleagues or leadership. But it’s still worth it. Compassion and empathy help you hold on to your humanity. They allow you to maintain your own standards—even in the toughest environments.

Being good isn’t about being naïve. It’s about being intentional. It’s about choosing to live in alignment with your values no matter what.

If this resonates with you and you want tools to help you stay compassionate, ethical, and resilient—especially when faced with bullying or unethical behavior—I’ve created resources to help. You can find my books and courses on my website https://humanistlearning.com  I have courses, books, audio books and other materials designed to give you practical skills to stay the kind of person you aspire to be, even when the world around you makes it difficult.

So, why be good? Because in the end, that’s who you decide to be. And if you need a selfish reason to be good, it's because your life is made easier when you are surrounded by good people. And good people, do not give their time to bad people. Want to be surrounded by good people? Be a good person yourself. 

Exciting News: My Blog Named a Top Humanist Blog!

 I’m honored to share that my blog has been named one of the Top 15 Humanist Blogs by Feedspot—and I came in at number 8! 

For those who are new here, my writing focuses on applying humanism—the philosophy of living ethically without religion—to everyday challenges. Whether I’m exploring questions like “what is humanism?” or sharing practical strategies for how to live as a compassionate, responsible humanist, my goal is always the same: to help people define and live their values in real, tangible ways.

Being included on this list alongside so many other thoughtful writers in the humanist community is truly exciting. If you’re curious to explore more perspectives on defining humanism, the meaning of being a humanist, or how humanism shapes the way we live and work, I encourage you to check out the full list here: Top 15 Humanist Blogs.

Of course, I’ll keep writing and sharing insights here about compassion, ethics, behavioral science, and how we can use humanist principles to create a better world. But I also believe part of being a humanist is learning from one another—so I hope you’ll take a little time to read and support the other blogs on this list.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your support makes it possible for me to keep sharing these ideas and to continue showing how

At least fix the problem.

As a strategic planner, one of my pet peeves is people creating plans that don’t accomplish their objectives at all, waste resources and cause problems instead of solving them.

Government – does this a lot. We tend to get the most expensive options, that don’t solve the problem they are intended to solve – but cause an astonishing amount of collateral damage.

As a citizen -  I’m furious about the collateral damage caused. Most of the time it is totally unnecessary to cause that damage. It is literally the planner not caring at all if they cause harm or not. So they don’t plan to mitigate harm.

And honestly – that wouldn’t be so horrible IF they accomplished their stated objectives – but often – they don’t. So – we get a new expensive harm causing problem in addition to the original problem, which is still a problem. 

For example – goal: Reduce # elective abortions.

None of the anti abortion laws passed – do this. At. All. People who want elective abortions – can get them. They have time to travel or find alternative methods – because it’s elective. So – if they want an elective abortion, they can go get them.  

The only people the anti-abortion laws harm – are people in medically precarious situations who don’t have time to shop around. Those people now have fewer doctors to help them because lots of OBGYNs are now just GYNs because they don’t want to risk jail or expensive legal hassles just for helping to keep their clients alive. Those that are able to find a obstetrical doctor may also have problems if they experience a medical emergency. For instance: the doctors at the emergency room have to consider whether they will be charged with crimes if they save your life. And most aren’t willing to take that risk – so we now have women dying in hospital parking lots because the doctors choose to stay out of jail instead of saving someone’s life.

My beef? The laws don’t stop elective abortions. They just cause unnecessary collateral damage. And it infuriates me!

Border security? Same thing. The border is still open because the courts ruled we can’t close them. Want to stop people from coming to the border? That requires conditions in the country of origin to be good enough that people don’t want to leave.  Want to deport people more quickly? That requires resources to be allocated to the deportation process. Something that the people who want to deport people have repeatedly, for decades, refused to allocate resources to.

It is infuriating me as a strategic planner. Not only is the human toll of these bad policies intolerable, we are wasting huge sums doing things that don’t fix the problem!  

It would be cheaper to solve the problem. But I think that is the point. As soon as we ask who benefits from this it becomes clear.  By not solving the problem and instead – paying huge sums to private contractors to do things that don’t work, we are funneling our wealth to oligarchs. That is why the people who want to incarcerate and deport are so eager to do that. There is a huge amount of money to be made causing human suffering. And if you fix the underlying problem, all that money will no longer flow to oligarchs.

So we can't fix the border, because to do so would be less expensive and the oligarch's wouldn't get their money. Our money. 

Speaking of Oligarchs:

Let's discuss the oligarchy and the employee purge. One of the plans of the incoming administration is: to purge our government agencies and our military of anyone disloyal to the new president. 

According to project 2025, they plan to replace public servants with corporate consultants, which is again, a boon to oligarchs and the massive consulting firms who will win these contracts.

Here are the problems with this plan. 

Problem 1) you are replacing employees who work for the American people, with employees who work for an oligarch. They aren't going to be loyal to we the people. They won't even be loyal to the president. They are going to be loyal to the people who pay them, who are the oligarchs. This is insanely bad for we the people. 

2) Institutional expertise is purged – in purges. So instead of people who understand the problems and how to best solve them, you get people who don't know how to solve the problem. 

3) It’s is always more expensive to outsource employment than it is to employ people yourself. Why? Because privatization is a way to create a spoils system where some of the money that was supposed to go towards helping people is instead siphoned off for private profit.

Basically, we pay more, and get less and the workers aren't loyal to we the people. 

It's annoying

It's really really really annoying that this is happening. We are going to have more suffering and it's going to cost us more to not fix our problems.  The least they could do - is fix the problems. They won't. There is too much money to be made. 

Peace on Earth, Goodwill Towards All: A Humanist Vision for an Ethical Life

During the holiday season, the familiar refrain of "peace on earth, goodwill towards all" echoes in songs, stories, and celebrations around the world. While its origins lie in religious traditions, its message transcends belief systems and offers a profound organizing principle for living an ethical, human-centered life. For Humanists, this ideal isn’t just a seasonal sentiment but a year-round life stance: to strive for peace through actions grounded in reason, empathy, and a commitment to the common good.

Peace: More Than the Absence of Conflict

When we speak of peace, we often think of it as the absence of war or violence. But peace is much more than that—it is the presence of conditions that allow individuals and communities to thrive. For Humanists, achieving peace means working towards justice, fairness, and equity. It means creating systems that ensure no one is left behind and dismantling structures that perpetuate harm.

Peace starts with our relationships—how we treat others in our families, workplaces, and communities. Do we seek to understand and resolve disagreements through dialogue? Are we willing to confront our biases and approach conflicts with compassion rather than aggression? Building peace requires courage—the courage to act as mediators, to de-escalate tensions, and to practice nonviolence as a way of life.

As the late Humanist philosopher Bertrand Russell said, "War does not determine who is right—only who is left." The Humanist commitment to peace lies not in passive ideals but in active efforts to create a world where human dignity is upheld, and harm is minimized wherever possible.

Goodwill: Empathy in Action

Goodwill represents a positive and intentional concern for the well-being of others. It is the willingness to act with kindness, generosity, and fairness, even when there is no personal gain. From a Humanist perspective, goodwill is not a supernatural mandate but a natural outcome of understanding our shared humanity. When we recognize that all people experience joy, suffering, hopes, and fears, it becomes clear that kindness is not a weakness but a moral strength.

Goodwill is about cultivating empathy and turning it into action. It asks us to:

• Show kindness to strangers and compassion to those who suffer.

• Practice fairness in how we treat others, regardless of their race, religion, gender, or background.

• Use our privilege to advocate for those whose voices are marginalized or unheard.

This principle extends beyond interpersonal interactions. At a societal level, goodwill means advocating for policies that promote equality, human rights, and environmental stewardship. It means recognizing that goodwill towards all requires addressing systemic injustices, including poverty, discrimination, and climate change—problems that affect us collectively and require collective solutions.

Building an Ethical Life Through Peace and Goodwill

So, how can "peace on earth, goodwill towards all" become a practical guide for an ethical life all year 'round? The answer lies in intentionality. Humanism is about choosing to live ethically because it leads to a better life for ourselves and those around us—not because of external rewards or punishments.

Here are three Humanist practices that embody this principle:

1. Seek Understanding Before Judgment: Whether on a personal or societal level, peace requires understanding others—their perspectives, their struggles, and their humanity. Replace snap judgments with curiosity. Ask questions. Listen actively.

2. Act With Compassion, Not Complacency: Goodwill isn’t passive. It requires us to notice suffering and take action to alleviate it, whether through small daily acts of kindness or larger commitments to service and advocacy. It reminds us that, in most cases, others are acting with goodwill, and challenges us to respond with dignity and respect, even when we find their actions frustrating.

3. Embrace Shared Responsibility: A peaceful and just world cannot be built alone. It requires collective efforts to create systems that promote well-being for all people. As Humanists, we must see ourselves as part of a global community and recognize our shared responsibility to one another and to the planet.

A Hopeful Call to Action

In a world often marked by conflict and division, it can be tempting to dismiss peace and goodwill as idealistic or unattainable. But Humanism calls us to embrace hope as a rational choice. It asks us to believe that a better world is possible because human beings have the capacity to create it.

As we move beyond the holiday season and into the new year, let us carry this message with us: Peace on earth, goodwill towards all is not a distant dream—it is a daily practice. It is a commitment to building bridges instead of walls, to choosing kindness over cruelty, and to working, however imperfectly, toward a world where everyone can flourish.

In striving for peace and practicing goodwill, we not only honor our shared humanity but also lay the foundation for a more just, compassionate, and ethical world—a world where the hope for peace becomes a lived reality, one action at a time.

Resisting Injustice by Centering Humanism: Reason and Compassion in Action

When we witness injustice, the impulse to act can be overwhelming. The world often demands quick responses to pressing problems, but as Humanists, we must approach resistance thoughtfully and deliberately. Our commitment to reason, compassion, and action is what sets us apart—and ensures that our efforts create meaningful, lasting change.

But here’s the catch: none of these principles work in isolation.

• Reason without compassion leads to cold, calculated solutions that harm people instead of helping them.
• Compassion without reason can result in well-meaning but misguided efforts that miss the mark or even exacerbate the problem.
• Action without either reason or compassion causes harm, chaos, and destruction.

To truly resist injustice, we must combine all three: compassion to understand what needs changing, reason to figure out how to change it, and action to make it happen.

Compassion: Identifying the Problem

Compassion is our moral compass, guiding us toward the injustices that demand our attention. It connects us to others, allowing us to see their suffering and recognize the need for change. Without compassion, we risk becoming detached from the human impact of our decisions.

When we encounter workplace inequities, systemic oppression, or societal wrongs, compassion asks: Who is hurting? What are their needs? How can we help? These questions keep us focused on the people at the heart of the issue.

Reason: Designing the Solution

Reason steps in to analyze the problem and develop practical, effective solutions. It asks: What is the best way to solve this? What unintended consequences might arise? How can we create sustainable change?

For example, when tackling workplace discrimination, reason might suggest revising policies, training leaders, or collecting data to address the root causes. In political resistance, it might involve understanding laws, building coalitions, and advocating for evidence-based policies.

Reason ensures that our actions are guided by clarity and strategy, not impulse.

Action: Implementing the Change

Compassion and reason are meaningless without action. To resist injustice, we must be willing to move beyond planning and take real steps to create change. This might mean speaking out, organizing efforts, or supporting those directly impacted by injustice.

Action bridges the gap between intention and impact. It’s the difference between hoping for a better world and building one.

The Humanist Approach to Resistance

This framework—compassion, reason, and action—applies to every kind of problem solving, whether in the workplace or the wider world. Humanists resist injustice by putting these principles into practice. We do not act out of anger or fear but out of a commitment to making the world a better, fairer place for all.

So, as we face challenges in our workplaces, communities, and political systems, let’s remember the Humanist approach:

1. Start with compassion—understand the harm and the humanity behind it.
2. Use reason—find thoughtful, effective ways to address the harm.
3. Take action—because change doesn’t happen without it.

When we combine these principles, we become a powerful force for good, ensuring that our resistance to injustice is as effective as it is ethical.

My Ghost Hunting Adventure: A Lesson in Skepticism

I recently went on a ghost hunting tour, an activity I genuinely enjoy. These tours are often rich in history, delving into the stories of people left out of the major historical narratives. This particular tour did not disappoint, offering a blend of eerie fun and historical insights.

As part of the tour, we got to play with various ghost hunting equipment, including spirit boxes and EMF detectors. The spirit boxes, in particular, were a highlight for many participants. For those unfamiliar, a spirit box works by scanning through radio frequencies rapidly. As it does so, it picks up fragments of audio from different stations, and occasionally, words or phrases seem to pop out.

Here’s where it gets fascinating – and misleading. Our brains are incredibly adept at seeking patterns. When we hear a word or phrase that seems contextually relevant, our brains latch onto it, creating the illusion that we’re having a conversation with the dead. This phenomenon is a perfect example of confirmation bias. Our brains are eager to confirm our expectations, so when we hear something that fits the narrative, it feels profoundly real. 

On this tour, it was astonishing just how much it felt like I was getting intelligent responses through the spirit box. The experience was almost convincing, reinforcing the importance of skepticism. It’s crucial to remember that our brains can easily fool us, especially when we’re eager to believe something.

The evening concluded with us using a FLIR camera, a device that detects heat signatures. While it was fun to experiment with, it didn’t yield anything particularly interesting. Despite the lack of ghostly evidence, the tour was a fascinating exploration of history and a reminder of the need to question our perceptions. 

In the end, while the thrill of ghost hunting can be alluring, it’s essential to approach such experiences with a healthy dose of skepticism. Our minds are powerful, but they can also be deceiving.

If you want to learn how easily your brain can be deceived, view this video. It's about disinformation for journalists, but it includes a primer on how the brain functions. https://humanistlearning.com/disinformation-for-journalists/

Watch Out for Each Other

 I was waiting for a subway train in Philadelphia a few weeks back.  To my right, was a man - leering at a woman who was standing to my left.  It was a proper leer and it lasted the entire time we waited for our train. 

I made a decision to intercept this man if he made a move toward the woman.  The woman moved to avoid this man's gaze.  He moved so he could continue looking at her. I moved to block his gaze. He moved again - always so he could see her. 

It is entirely possible that this man didn't have any nefarious intentions. He did not move towards her. He just was intently looking at her, and it was super clear - he was aroused by her. 

The problem is - none of us knew if he was just looking, or was planning to attack her in his mind. And neither did she. And neither did I. Or any of the other women who were aware this was happening on the platform - because - we all were aware of his intense sexual interest in this woman.

When men ask, what is the harm in looking. There isn't a harm in looking. There is harm in leering. 

You might think - whatever you are thinking is in your own mind and it's not hurting anyone. This man might not have been aware he was leering. But he was - for about 10 minutes. 

Every single woman on that platform - was on edge as a result of this man's leering. This wasn't a simple - look at a pretty woman. This was a guy who was clearly thinking more intensely about having sex with this woman. And - it was scary. Not just for her - but for everyone who started making plans on how to keep this woman safe from this man.

1) Don't be like this guy. We don't have problems with men glancing. Leering and obviously thinking about sex with a woman you don't know - is not ok. You are not entitled to invade her space and make her feel unsafe like that. Your body language - matters!!! 

2) If you see it happening, make sure you are between the woman and the guy doing this.

3) Be prepared to physically protect the woman and make it clear, you are protecting her so the guy knows. 

Basically - watch out for each other. 

De-escalating conflicts - online or via text

I was asked a question by someone taking my online course: How to De-Escalate Conflicts Using Science. They asked: “What happens if other person will only deal with you via internet, etc.,, not in person or on telephone?”

That was all they texted me, so I did not have the full context of their situation, and when I responded they told me they had already used my ideas to help resolve the situation and it was indeed resolved favorably. What a great endorsement of my course! 

I thought it would be helpful to share what I told him as this is a very common problem. 

How to Handle Text Conflicts

Assume you have someone you text with who you are having trouble with. So everything is written.

The problem with written communication is that we don’t have any of the normal emotional cue signaling that happens with voice tone and facial cues.  It is very, very hard to read what someone else is thinking about when you share something via text, and it is very common to read into communications things that aren’t actually there.  This is especially common if they just don’t respond.

My Advice

If they are giving no actual sign they are offended, don’t assume they are.  

If you think they might be – it is acceptable to ask them for feedback.  Is what you sent ok, are they frustrated, or angry or anything?  Most people will respond and ease your mind.  Keep in mind, some people read emails and don’t acknowledge them at all.  If you need a response, ask for one. If something is important, I usually ask for confirmation of receipt just to be sure they saw it. 

If there is an actual conflict and they are telling you something isn’t ok, it may not be possible to fix via text. So much of how we respond emotionally to others is tied to tone of voice and facial cues.   

This doesn't mean you can't try. Of course you can try. 

Taking a Humanistic Approach

Whenever I have a conflict with someone, online or in person, I go into compassion/professional mode and check my own feelings first.  I make sure that my communications are attempts to clarify and gain clarity with them. I make sure there is no animosity on my side by activating compassion.  Do I see them as fully human? Deserving of compassion?  I should. Because they are humans deserving of compassion. 

This one thing I do, is 90% of de-escalating conflicts. I have to first de-escalate myself.  

Final Word

At the end of the day if you have someone who is just refusing to communicate with you there is not much you can do. But I would not take it personally. Their communication preferences have everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.

Learn More

If you want to learn more about how to de-escalate conflicts using science and humanist philosophy - check out my course:

https://humanistlearning.com/de-escalate-conflicts/

If you want a more in-depth exploration of how to manage conflicts humanistically - I have an 8 hour certificate program in Humanistic Conflict Management

https://humanistlearning.com/conflict-management-discount-bundle/

A Vital Partnership: Compassion and Critical Thinking in Humanism

In the realm of Humanism, compassion stands as a beacon of empathy and understanding, guiding our actions towards a more equitable and caring society. It's the cornerstone of our interactions, advocating for the well-being of all individuals. Yet, nestled alongside compassion lies another crucial element often overlooked: critical thinking. While compassion fuels our desire to alleviate suffering, critical thinking serves as the compass guiding us through the murky waters of misinformation and misunderstanding.

When we speak of Humanism, the image of empathy and benevolence often springs to mind. And rightly so. Humanism champions the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, advocating for their rights and well-being. However, compassion alone, devoid of critical examination, can lead to unintended consequences.

Consider a scenario where a well-meaning individual, driven solely by compassion, spreads misinformation about a certain medical treatment without verifying its efficacy. While their intentions may be noble, the repercussions of their actions can be harmful, potentially putting lives at risk. In such instances, it becomes evident that compassion, when divorced from reason, can pave the path to misinformed decisions and unintended harm.

This is where critical thinking steps in as an indispensable ally to compassion for Humanists. Critical thinking empowers us to sift through the plethora of information available, discerning fact from fiction, evidence from conjecture. It encourages us to question assumptions, evaluate evidence, and consider alternative perspectives before arriving at a conclusion. In essence, critical thinking serves as the safeguard against the pitfalls of unchecked empathy, ensuring that our actions are rooted in evidence and reason.

In the pursuit of a more humane society, where compassion reigns supreme, it is imperative to recognize the symbiotic relationship between compassion and critical thinking. They are not mutually exclusive but rather complementary forces driving us towards a more just and equitable world. As Humanists, we must strive to embody both virtues, harnessing the power of empathy tempered by reason.

As we navigate the complexities of our modern world, fraught with misinformation and uncertainty, the need for critical thinking has never been more important. It is not enough to simply feel compassion; we must also think critically about the implications of our actions. It is this union of heart and mind that truly defines Humanism.

If you want to learn more, I invite you to embark on a journey of discovery and enlightenment through my course, "Reality Based Decision Making for Effective Strategy Development." It offers a primer for critical thinking and evidence-based reasoning. This is also available as a book, an audio book or a streaming video.

https://humanistlearning.com/realitybaseddecisionmaking/

Join me in embracing the power of reason alongside compassion, and together, let us chart a course towards a more enlightened and empathetic world.

Why Humanism? A Compassionate and Reality-Based Approach to Living Well

In a world filled with complexity, challenges, and uncertainties, the quest for meaning and fulfillment is a universal pursuit. Amidst the myriad philosophies and ideologies that shape human thought, one perspective stands out for its profound relevance and timeless wisdom: Humanism.

At its core, Humanism is not just a philosophy; it is a way of life—an applied study of what it means to be a good human being and to live well. Rooted in the distilled knowledge of humanity, Humanism offers a compelling framework for navigating the complexities of existence with clarity, compassion, and purpose.

Embracing Reality-Based Principles

Central to Humanism is the recognition and acceptance of reality as it is—an acknowledgment that our perceptions, beliefs, and actions must be grounded in objective truths. In a world often fraught with misinformation and ideological divides, the commitment to reality-based principles serves as a guiding light, illuminating pathways to understanding, growth, and progress.

By embracing reality-based thinking, Humanism empowers individuals to confront challenges with courage and resilience, fostering a deeper appreciation for the complexities of the human experience. Rather than succumbing to wishful thinking or denial, Humanism encourages us to confront difficult truths head-on, catalyzing personal and collective transformation.

Cultivating Compassion-Based Ethics

Beyond its commitment to reality-based principles, Humanism places a profound emphasis on compassion—a recognition of our interconnectedness and shared humanity. In a world characterized by diversity and difference, compassion serves as a unifying force, bridging divides and fostering empathy, understanding, and solidarity.

Through compassion-based ethics, Humanism challenges us to extend kindness and empathy to all beings, nurturing relationships built on mutual respect and dignity. By prioritizing the well-being of others alongside our own, Humanism invites us to cultivate a more inclusive and equitable world—one defined by empathy, justice, and compassion.

The Power of Integration

What sets Humanism apart is its unique ability to integrate reality-based thinking with compassion-based ethics, forging a holistic approach to navigating life's complexities. By synthesizing these foundational principles, Humanism offers a powerful strategy for addressing difficulties, confronting adversity, and fostering genuine human flourishing.

In a world characterized by rapid change and uncertainty, the wisdom of Humanism provides a beacon of hope—a reminder that by embracing reality and compassion, we can navigate life's challenges with grace, integrity, and resilience.

Conclusion

In the journey of life, the pursuit of meaning and fulfillment remains paramount. As we navigate the complexities of existence, Humanism offers a guiding philosophy—one rooted in reality, infused with compassion, and committed to the pursuit of human flourishing.

By embracing the principles of Humanism, we affirm our shared humanity, cultivate empathy and understanding, and chart a course towards a more just, compassionate, and inclusive world.

So why Humanism? Because in its essence, Humanism represents the distilled wisdom of humanity—a timeless invitation to live authentically, love deeply, and make a positive impact on the world around us.

Learn More:

If you want to learn more - I have free and paid courses and resources at my website - Humanist Learning Systems: 

Video Courses: https://humanistlearning.com/category/lifeskills/philosophy/ 

Recommended books: https://humanistlearning.com/category/shop/humanism101/

What does it mean to be ethical?

 In a world shaped by diverse values and perspectives, the concept of ethics takes center stage. What does it mean to be ethical, and how can we navigate the complexities of our choices and actions? In this exploration of humanist ethics, we'll delve into the essential elements of honesty, responsibility, and compassion, and how their harmonious interplay can guide us through the intricate landscape of ethical decision-making.

1. Honesty: The Foundation of Ethical Behavior:

At its core, ethics begins with honesty. Being honest means more than just telling the truth; it involves a commitment to transparency, integrity, and authenticity. What is ethical starts with a sincere acknowledgment of facts and a dedication to fostering trust within our relationships, whether personal or professional.

2. Responsibility: Empowering Ethical Action:

Being responsible is the second pillar of ethical behavior. It's about acknowledging our accountability for the consequences of our actions. Responsible individuals understand the impact of their choices on others and the world around them. Taking ownership and proactively seeking solutions characterize the responsible approach to ethical decision-making.

3. Compassion: The Heart of Humanist Ethics:

Compassion completes the triad, infusing our ethical decisions with empathy and understanding. It's not enough to be honest and responsible; true ethics demands a compassionate approach. Compassion invites us to consider the feelings and well-being of others, fostering a sense of interconnectedness that transcends individual actions.

The Interplay of the Triad:

The power of ethical decision-making lies in the harmonious integration of honesty, responsibility, and compassion. Imagine a scenario where one is honest and responsible but lacks compassion. The result may be a decision that, while technically correct, lacks empathy and understanding, potentially causing harm. This interplay emphasizes the importance of balancing all three elements for truly ethical outcomes.

When in Doubt, Ask the Triad: The True Holy Trinity

Navigating ethical dilemmas becomes simpler when guided by the triad of honesty, responsibility, and compassion. When faced with uncertainty, ask yourself: What is the compassionate, honest, and responsible way to deal with this situation? This question serves as a compass, steering you towards decisions that align with humanist ethics.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, embracing humanist ethics means embracing the interconnected principles of honesty, responsibility, and compassion. As we strive to make ethical decisions in our personal and professional lives, let us recognize the significance of these three pillars working in unison. For those seeking a deeper exploration of the humanist approach to happiness and ethical living, consider enrolling in my online course, "The Humanist Approach to Happiness." This 6-hour video program offers practical insights and tools to navigate life's challenges with compassion, honesty, and responsibility at the forefront. Join us on the journey towards a more ethical and fulfilling existence.

https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

Or get my book - the Humanist Approach to Happiness.  https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Both will help you answer the question "what is ethical" in any given situation. 

The Art of Patience: Navigating Challenges with Self-Compassion and Critical Thinking

In a world that moves at an ever-accelerating pace, patience has become a rare virtue. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not naturally a patient person. The urge to solve problems immediately, to untangle every knot in the moment, often leads to impatience. Over time, I've learned that acknowledging and overcoming impatience involves a delicate dance between self-compassion and honing critical thinking skills.

Understanding Impatience as Panicking

The Impatience Conundrum:

Impatience is, at its core, a form of panicking. The desire for quick solutions, instant gratification, can cloud our judgment and hinder our ability to think critically.

The Panic-Immediacy Connection:

When faced with a problem, the instinct to solve it immediately often stems from a sense of panic. Understanding this connection is the first step towards cultivating patience.

Self-Compassion: A Balm for Impatience

The Power of Self-Compassion:

Self-compassion is the antidote to impatience. It involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend facing a challenge.

Embracing Imperfection:

Acknowledge that it's okay not to have all the answers right away. Embracing imperfection allows room for growth and learning, reducing the pressure to solve everything immediately.

The Role of Critical Thinking

Pause and Reflect:

Critical thinking involves taking a step back and objectively evaluating a situation. When impatience strikes, consciously pause and reflect on the bigger picture.

Analyzing Options:

Instead of rushing towards the first solution that comes to mind, employ critical thinking to analyze various options. Consider the potential outcomes and consequences.

Long-Term Perspective:

Critical thinking encourages a long-term perspective. What may seem urgent in the moment might not hold the same weight when viewed in the context of broader goals and objectives.

Letting Go and Coming Back

The Power of Detachment:

Learning to let go is a valuable skill. Sometimes, stepping away from a problem allows the mind to process information subconsciously, leading to fresh insights upon return.

Revisiting with Clarity:

Coming back to a problem with a clear mind often unveils solutions that were obscured by the fog of impatience. The clarity gained through a break can be a game-changer.

Cultivating Patience as a Skill

Patience as a Skill:

Patience is not a passive trait but an active skill that can be cultivated. It involves practicing self-compassion, engaging critical thinking, and acknowledging the power of time.

Building Resilience:

Every moment of impatience offers an opportunity for growth. It's a chance to build resilience, learn from the experience, and approach future challenges with a more composed mindset.

Conclusion

As we navigate the complex landscape of problem-solving and decision-making, let's embrace the art of patience. By intertwining self-compassion with critical thinking skills, we can transform impatience from a stumbling block into a stepping stone for personal and professional development.

Call to Action

How do you navigate impatience in your life? Share your experiences and strategies for cultivating patience in the comments below. If you've found this exploration into the art of patience, self-compassion, and critical thinking valuable, you might find even more insights in my book, "The Humanist Approach to Happiness."

https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/ In the pages of this book, I delve deeper into the principles of self-compassion and critical thinking, offering a comprehensive guide to navigating life's challenges with a humanistic perspective. Discover how embracing patience can be a transformative journey towards a happier and more fulfilled life. Grab your copy today and embark on a path of personal growth and resilience.