Why Humanism? A Compassionate and Reality-Based Approach to Living Well

In a world filled with complexity, challenges, and uncertainties, the quest for meaning and fulfillment is a universal pursuit. Amidst the myriad philosophies and ideologies that shape human thought, one perspective stands out for its profound relevance and timeless wisdom: Humanism.

At its core, Humanism is not just a philosophy; it is a way of life—an applied study of what it means to be a good human being and to live well. Rooted in the distilled knowledge of humanity, Humanism offers a compelling framework for navigating the complexities of existence with clarity, compassion, and purpose.

Embracing Reality-Based Principles

Central to Humanism is the recognition and acceptance of reality as it is—an acknowledgment that our perceptions, beliefs, and actions must be grounded in objective truths. In a world often fraught with misinformation and ideological divides, the commitment to reality-based principles serves as a guiding light, illuminating pathways to understanding, growth, and progress.

By embracing reality-based thinking, Humanism empowers individuals to confront challenges with courage and resilience, fostering a deeper appreciation for the complexities of the human experience. Rather than succumbing to wishful thinking or denial, Humanism encourages us to confront difficult truths head-on, catalyzing personal and collective transformation.

Cultivating Compassion-Based Ethics

Beyond its commitment to reality-based principles, Humanism places a profound emphasis on compassion—a recognition of our interconnectedness and shared humanity. In a world characterized by diversity and difference, compassion serves as a unifying force, bridging divides and fostering empathy, understanding, and solidarity.

Through compassion-based ethics, Humanism challenges us to extend kindness and empathy to all beings, nurturing relationships built on mutual respect and dignity. By prioritizing the well-being of others alongside our own, Humanism invites us to cultivate a more inclusive and equitable world—one defined by empathy, justice, and compassion.

The Power of Integration

What sets Humanism apart is its unique ability to integrate reality-based thinking with compassion-based ethics, forging a holistic approach to navigating life's complexities. By synthesizing these foundational principles, Humanism offers a powerful strategy for addressing difficulties, confronting adversity, and fostering genuine human flourishing.

In a world characterized by rapid change and uncertainty, the wisdom of Humanism provides a beacon of hope—a reminder that by embracing reality and compassion, we can navigate life's challenges with grace, integrity, and resilience.

Conclusion

In the journey of life, the pursuit of meaning and fulfillment remains paramount. As we navigate the complexities of existence, Humanism offers a guiding philosophy—one rooted in reality, infused with compassion, and committed to the pursuit of human flourishing.

By embracing the principles of Humanism, we affirm our shared humanity, cultivate empathy and understanding, and chart a course towards a more just, compassionate, and inclusive world.

So why Humanism? Because in its essence, Humanism represents the distilled wisdom of humanity—a timeless invitation to live authentically, love deeply, and make a positive impact on the world around us.

Learn More:

If you want to learn more - I have free and paid courses and resources at my website - Humanist Learning Systems: 

Video Courses: https://humanistlearning.com/category/lifeskills/philosophy/ 

Recommended books: https://humanistlearning.com/category/shop/humanism101/

Overcoming trauma with grace

Learning how to reclaim and own your dignity after something horrible has happened to you. 

I was asked to write something to help people overcome drama and trauma in their lives with dignity and grace. 

I do have experience with this. I have had quite a bit of trauma in my life, and some of it was caused by relationship drama.  I'm in a great place now and happy most of the time. In fact, I was chatting with a psychologist the other day and he wondered if I was naturally happy, or whether I was manic depressive.  

Confession. I am naturally disposed to happiness. I do get sad. I do get angry. I get frustrated. I do get depressed. But those are deviations. My normal state is happy.  My son is the same way - his default state - is happy.

Not everyone is so lucky. This may very well be biological in the same way that some people are simply - more anxious, upset or depressed. That is their normal and moments of happiness are deviations from their norm.

Despite my normal state, I have had periods where I spent years in negative emotional states.  When I was being stalked, I was so anxious, I developed a physical problem as a result of the constant anxiety.   

When I lost my first child to stillbirth in the 8th month of pregnancy, it took a couple of years to get to some level of "normalcy."   I still can "lose it" and start crying uncontrollably when I think about it. 

Oh - and one time, I almost died. My galbladder went gangrenous. I got to the hospital just in time. Had I waited a day, I would have died. I knew it was bad when they doubled my morphine dose and gave it to me more frequently. 

I've also been subjected to some pretty serious personal and professional attacks on my character. 

I've had periods in my life that were manifestly horrible. I developed PTSD (diagnosed) from the stalking situation. And I've overcome the drama and trauma of all of that and gotten to a good place in my life. So I feel confident to talk about this.  In fact, who better to talk about how to overcome trauma, than someone who has done so successfully.

My Humanism is My Anchor

I'm not special

The first part of the Humanist philosophy that helps me, is the understanding that I am not special. There is nothing about me that will magically make me immune to the hardships of life.  

Bad things happen to good people for no other reason than bad things happen. I remember when I lost my child, and I went to an infant loss grief support group. I realized very quickly that I was the only person they ONLY dealing with grief. Everyone else had their theological world turned upside down. Not only did they have to deal with grief, they had to deal with the realization that their faith did not spare them from hardship. 

As crazy as it sounds, the knowledge that I am not special, helps me cope. By allowing me to accept the reality of what has happened and just deal with it.  I feel really bad for all my friends of faith who deal with grief plus. Grief is hard enough on it's own. I can't imagine adding the suffering that my friends of faith have to deal with on top of their grief.  It makes me understand why they get mad at god(s).  I don't get mad at god. I just grieve. It's easier.  

Others have done it - so can I

Another reason I am able to recover my emotional balance is because I know I can.  And I know I can because others have done so, and I've always figured if they can do it, so can I. 

I know my current reality, as bad as it is, will not be permanent and that I can take constructive steps to help myself get to a better place. I don't have to be passive. I can be pro-active. 

I can pamper myself. I can allow myself to find joy in between moments of sorrow.  I can treasure those moments without feeling guilty about my grief or sorry.

I don't have to act on my emotions - I can use compassion to guide my thinking

I can pamper myself. I can allow myself to find joy in between moments of sorrow.  I can treasure those moments without feeling guilty about my grief or sorry.  I understand my emotions are fleeting and whatever I feel - is ok. I can accept my emotions, without acting on them.

And this last bit is key.  I don't have to act on my emotions.  I can decide what to do - if anything - about those emotions. Often, I chose to do nothing but experience them.

One of the ways Humanism helps me is it reminds me to be compassionate with myself and others. If I am upset and frustrated, I feel compassion for myself for having those emotions and vow not to act on them. I then try to think of the person I am mad at - with compassion, so that when I do think of how I want to respond, I act reasonably. Often, that means - not acting at all.

Sometimes the best thing you can do to stop interpersonal drama - is to walk away and do nothing. Sometimes, you win - by not fighting.

The bonus to this approach is that - it's grace and dignity personified.  People who fight back - demean themselves. People who respond with grace and dignity, win. Not only does this help them maintain their dignity, it helps them feel better about themselves. You don't have to get riled up - you can just leave. Let the other person be a jerk. 

I find it's easiest to do this when I convince myself to be compassionate, with myself and the other person.  Often, another person behaving badly has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  Just - walk away. Let them find someone else to hassle.  And yes, this is easier said than done.

Suffering is not Noble

The final idea from Humanism that helps me is the understanding that suffering isn't noble. There is no point to suffering. I don't get any points for suffering. It's an unfortunate reality that can't be avoided at times. But that doesn't mean I have to stay in a place of suffering. 

As a Humanist, I don't believe there is any purpose in life. We life, we may procreate, then we die. The only impact we have is in our life's work and whether we helped people or not.  As far as I am concerned, I may as well be happy.  I'd rather be happy than not. So - I chose to be happy.

This doesn't mean I'm automatically happy. It does mean that when I find I'm not happy and it's a lasting condition, I take action to rectify the problem.  

Is the problem grief?  I can take small steps and know that my grief will eventually ebb - if I let it - and I let it because, to me, it would be crazy to hold onto grief. Holding on to grief is not noble. It's stupid. If I can't let go - and there have been times where I had trouble, I seek out help in the form of therapists and counselors. And they have always helped me identify what was holding me back so I could release it. 

The most dramatic example was the stalking. Therapy gave me my life back.  If you are stuck - get help. Don't continue to suffer. Do something to change and if you don't know what that is - get professional help.

Learn more:

I have a 6 hour online course where I teach my humanist approach to living life fully and happily.  It's called - Living Made Simpler and covers a variety of topics and discusses the humanist approach to living life well.  https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

I also have a book called The Humanist Approach to Happiness - https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Life isn’t easy. It is filled with challenges. How we navigate those challenges determines our success in life. If you want to learn more about how to be happy and how to think more effectively about the choices you make, this book will help.

Maintain Your Dignity and Grace While Dealing with Difficult People

 Imaging if you could deal with difficult people – effectively, with dignity and grace and love in your heart. You can – if you use reason and science. 

I like to joke that I'm a Humanist, which means, I like people in the abstract. Real people annoy me.  Most people can relate to that as most of us - like people mostly, but don't like dealing with difficult people. 

No one likes dealing with difficult people. Not even difficult people.  

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I've trained a lot of people. Some people are ordered by courts to take my courses because, they were found guilty of harassing someone. I also get called in to do group trainings in offices where - they have a difficult person and are hoping my training will help them make their difficult person less difficult. 

Those people deemed "difficult" by others, love my training. Not just because I treat them with dignity, but because I teach them how to deal with difficult people while maintaining their own dignity. And that was their problem. They were dealing with the difficult people in their lives badly. 

I don't assume that someone is difficult just because someone told me they were. What I've learned is that often the most difficult people are themselves being victimized by other difficult people. Think of this as a vicious cycle where indignity breeds more indignity. 

The fix is to replace the vicious cycle with a virtuous one.  Teach people how to respond to indignity with dignity. And yes, this works. It not only works, it's pretty much the only thing that does. And yes, we have science to back that up.

The next time you encounter a difficult person, respond with dignity by treating them with dignity. Most of the time, this turns what was a fight, into an assist because that difficult person, was really a person who was struggling to have their dignity validated. 

Does this always work? No. But ... in those cases, responding with dignity will help you - fix the problem in other ways by helping to make it clear - where the problem really lies.

For parents, you know when your kids are fighting, it is impossible to tell who started the fight and really - it doesn't matter who started the fight. When you respond with dignity, you are refusing to fight and that makes it easier for managers to see what is really going on.

Ok - so this was a quick - high level overview. I realize most of you probably have a bunch of questions about how to do this in reality and how this really works.  I get that. 

If you want to learn more - I recommend my course on civility and dignity in the workplace - https://humanistlearning.com/a-humanistic-approach-to-civility/ 

I also offer a variety of courses that teach about how the science of how to get someone to stop harassing you works. https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/