The Rule of Threes: Break the Dichotomy, But Stay Focused

 

The Counterintuitive Power of Limiting Yourself to Three Ideas

When people hear “think outside the box,” they usually imagine expanding possibilities—more ideas, more options, more creativity. But here’s the paradox: expanding your thinking can actually help you focus it.

In my work on humanistic management and humanistic living—especially in teaching critical thinking skills—I’ve found that people often struggle not because they lack ideas, but because they feel overwhelmed by too many possible directions, or trapped inside a false either/or choice. So I teach a simple, deceptively powerful tool: the Rule of Threes.


The Rule of Threes: Break the Dichotomy, But Stay Focused

When solving a problem, I encourage learners to generate at least three possible solutions. Not one. Not two.

Three.

Why three?

1. It breaks false dichotomies.

Much of our daily thinking runs on autopilot, and that leads to binary traps:

  • “It’s this or that.”

  • “Do I quit or stay?”

  • “Do we choose option A or B?”

Advertisers use this all the time—manufacturing the illusion of only two choices so the “right” one seems obvious.

Requiring three possibilities short-circuits this mental habit. As soon as you generate a third option, your brain shifts gears from decision mode to creative mode. Once three options exist, people can usually think of four or five—because they’ve escaped the mental cul-de-sac.

2. Creativity scales through repetition.

If you can create three ideas once, you can do it again. The brain learns that ideation is a process, not a miracle. This builds confidence and momentum.

3. Paradoxically, limiting to three options increases focus.

This is the counterintuitive part.

When people feel overwhelmed—too many choices, too much uncertainty—asking them to think “outside the box” can backfire. More ideas become more noise.

So the Rule of Threes does two things simultaneously:

  • Expands thinking beyond the obvious two choices

  • Constrains thinking so it doesn’t sprawl into paralysis

It’s the sweet spot: just enough ideas to escape limitation, but not so many that clarity dissolves.

When people limit themselves (even arbitrarily) to three possible solutions, something important happens:

  • The mind stops spiraling.

  • Attention narrows.

  • Evaluation becomes manageable.

  • Action becomes possible.

Three options are few enough to examine deeply, but many enough to break the illusion that only two paths exist.


Why This Works Psychologically

Cognitively, humans are wired to work well with small, structured sets. Three items…

  • Give a sense of completeness

  • Are easy to compare

  • Fit within working memory

  • Reduce anxiety tied to choice overload

This makes the Rule of Threes a kind of mental focusing lens—a way to use creativity to produce clarity, not chaos.


When to Use the Rule of Threes

  • When feeling stuck between two unsatisfying choices

  • When overwhelmed by too many possibilities

  • When trying to step outside conventional thinking

  • When starting any brainstorming or prioritization session

It applies to personal decisions, leadership situations, design thinking, conflict resolution, and coaching conversations.


A Practical Example

Imagine you're deciding how to respond to a difficult situation at work. You initially see only two choices:

  1. Say nothing and stay frustrated

  2. Confront the person directly

Using the Rule of Threes, you must generate at least one more:

  1. Ask for a mediated conversation

  2. Send a thoughtful email instead of an in-person confrontation

  3. Clarify expectations with your manager first

Suddenly, the problem looks different. You’re no longer trapped. You’re choosing intentionally.


In Short

Thinking outside the box doesn’t require infinite possibilities.
Sometimes, all it takes is three.

Three ideas: enough to open the mind.
Only three ideas: enough to focus it.

The Rule of Threes helps people move beyond false dichotomies and avoid the overwhelm of unlimited choice. It’s counterintuitive—but profoundly effective.

Learn More

If you find tools like the Rule of Threes helpful, you may enjoy diving deeper into the full framework of humanistic management and humanistic living that I teach. My online courses and books offer practical, compassionate approaches to thinking, leading, and problem-solving in everyday life. You can explore them anytime at https://humanistlearning.com.

Why Do We Want Money? A Socratic Dialogue on Real Needs

A Humanistic and Socratic exploration of why we chase money, what our true needs are, and how to think critically about both personal and societal systems that shape that chase.


Socrates: Tell me, my friend, why do you want money?
Student: Because I need to pay my bills.

Socrates: And why do you need to pay your bills?
Student: Because if I don’t, I’ll lose my home, my food, my health care.

Socrates: And why would that be a problem?
Student: Because without those things, I could die.

Socrates: So what you truly need is not money itself, but food, water, shelter, and health.
Student: I suppose that’s true.

Socrates: Then why do you focus so much on money?
Student: Because that’s how I get those things.

Socrates: Is it the only way?


This is where Socratic questioning gets interesting.
When we take time to “go Socratic on ourselves,” we begin to separate real needs from proxy problems — the things we chase because we think they’ll solve the real problem.

Money is a proxy. It’s a means to an end, not the end itself.
When we forget that, we risk optimizing our lives around the wrong goal.


Thinking Beyond Proxies

When we ask why enough times, we eventually reach bedrock — our core human needs: survival, safety, belonging, purpose. Once we know what those needs really are, we can start thinking more creatively about how to meet them.

For example:
If the goal is water for your field, what can you do?
You could pray for rain.
You could irrigate the field.
You could do both.

But if you only pray and take no action, you leave the outcome to fate — and that is not the Humanist way. Humanism is about taking responsibility for outcomes through reason, compassion, and evidence-based action.  We don't care if you pray - as long as you also take action to fix your problems, whatever they are. 


Thinking Beyond the Individual

Once you apply this kind of questioning to your personal life, it’s natural to extend it to society.

Why do people lose their health care when they lose their jobs?
Because our system ties health care to employment.
Why do we tie health care to employment?
Because we’ve decided that’s how it should work.

Can we decide differently?
Yes.

That’s the power of Socratic questioning — it helps us see that many of our systems are not inevitable. They are choices we made, and we can make different ones.

This is just an example. My main point is that we need to know we have options if we are to seek those options out. Will those options be better than what we have now? I don't know. This is about exploring options and using critical thinking to help us think outside the box of the here and now to propose possible futures. 


The Humanist Lesson

If you want to become more effective in your life — and as a citizen — practice this:
Ask why.  

Why are you working on this problem?  Why did you answer the way you did? Keep asking why until you identify what you are really trying to do and why you are trying to do it. You can stop when you get to the - if I don't do this - bad things will happen. That's when you've identified your real problem. 

Follow the logic to its roots.
Identify your real need.
And then, take reasoned action to meet it.

The more we do this — individually and collectively — the better we get at solving real problems instead of chasing proxies.  I use this method as a way to teach people the critical thinking skills they need to be more effective and strategic in their actions.

Critical thinking isn't just about making sure you are being logical and using science, though that is important. It is also the practice of self interrogation, so you can be more effective by helping focusing on your real problems

When we think critically and act compassionately, we don’t just survive — we thrive.

Why Be a Good Person (Even When It Feels Hard)

Compassion is an important part of my practice as a Humanist.  But when I talk about the importance of responding with compassion to people who are struggling with difficult situations, the most common concern people raise is this:


“But if you’re compassionate, won’t bad people just take advantage of you?”

I get it. On the surface, it can feel like being a good person just paints a big target on your back. Why bother? What’s in it for you?

Here’s the reality: being a bad person doesn’t protect you from bad people either. Bad people take advantage of bad people all the time. In fact, bad people are often each other’s favorite targets. So the idea that being mean, tough, or selfish shields you from harm just isn’t true.

That means the real question isn’t, “Will being good protect me?” It’s “Who do I want to be?”

I choose to be good because it’s who I want to be. My values matter to me. Being good doesn’t mean rolling over and letting people walk all over you. It means defending yourself without abandoning your principles. It means setting boundaries without becoming cruel. Most of the time, it means walking away. And when I do have to take action, I act from my values—not from anger or frustration.

Another concern I hear a lot is: “What if I want to be a good person, but I work in a place where others aren’t? How do I manage that?”

My answer is always the same: you don’t need anyone’s permission to be a good person. Yes, it’s harder when you are surrounded by unethical colleagues or leadership. But it’s still worth it. Compassion and empathy help you hold on to your humanity. They allow you to maintain your own standards—even in the toughest environments.

Being good isn’t about being naïve. It’s about being intentional. It’s about choosing to live in alignment with your values no matter what.

If this resonates with you and you want tools to help you stay compassionate, ethical, and resilient—especially when faced with bullying or unethical behavior—I’ve created resources to help. You can find my books and courses on my website https://humanistlearning.com  I have courses, books, audio books and other materials designed to give you practical skills to stay the kind of person you aspire to be, even when the world around you makes it difficult.

So, why be good? Because in the end, that’s who you decide to be. And if you need a selfish reason to be good, it's because your life is made easier when you are surrounded by good people. And good people, do not give their time to bad people. Want to be surrounded by good people? Be a good person yourself. 

Exciting News: My Blog Named a Top Humanist Blog!

 I’m honored to share that my blog has been named one of the Top 15 Humanist Blogs by Feedspot—and I came in at number 8! 


For those who are new here, my writing focuses on applying humanism—the philosophy of living ethically without religion—to everyday challenges. Whether I’m exploring questions like “what is humanism?” or sharing practical strategies for how to live as a compassionate, responsible humanist, my goal is always the same: to help people define and live their values in real, tangible ways.

Being included on this list alongside so many other thoughtful writers in the humanist community is truly exciting. If you’re curious to explore more perspectives on defining humanism, the meaning of being a humanist, or how humanism shapes the way we live and work, I encourage you to check out the full list here: Top 15 Humanist Blogs.

Of course, I’ll keep writing and sharing insights here about compassion, ethics, behavioral science, and how we can use humanist principles to create a better world. But I also believe part of being a humanist is learning from one another—so I hope you’ll take a little time to read and support the other blogs on this list.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your support makes it possible for me to keep sharing these ideas and to continue showing how

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...