Why Be a Good Person (Even When It Feels Hard)

Compassion is an important part of my practice as a Humanist.  But when I talk about the importance of responding with compassion to people who are struggling with difficult situations, the most common concern people raise is this:

“But if you’re compassionate, won’t bad people just take advantage of you?”

I get it. On the surface, it can feel like being a good person just paints a big target on your back. Why bother? What’s in it for you?

Here’s the reality: being a bad person doesn’t protect you from bad people either. Bad people take advantage of bad people all the time. In fact, bad people are often each other’s favorite targets. So the idea that being mean, tough, or selfish shields you from harm just isn’t true.

That means the real question isn’t, “Will being good protect me?” It’s “Who do I want to be?”

I choose to be good because it’s who I want to be. My values matter to me. Being good doesn’t mean rolling over and letting people walk all over you. It means defending yourself without abandoning your principles. It means setting boundaries without becoming cruel. Most of the time, it means walking away. And when I do have to take action, I act from my values—not from anger or frustration.

Another concern I hear a lot is: “What if I want to be a good person, but I work in a place where others aren’t? How do I manage that?”

My answer is always the same: you don’t need anyone’s permission to be a good person. Yes, it’s harder when you are surrounded by unethical colleagues or leadership. But it’s still worth it. Compassion and empathy help you hold on to your humanity. They allow you to maintain your own standards—even in the toughest environments.

Being good isn’t about being naïve. It’s about being intentional. It’s about choosing to live in alignment with your values no matter what.

If this resonates with you and you want tools to help you stay compassionate, ethical, and resilient—especially when faced with bullying or unethical behavior—I’ve created resources to help. You can find my books and courses on my website https://humanistlearning.com  I have courses, books, audio books and other materials designed to give you practical skills to stay the kind of person you aspire to be, even when the world around you makes it difficult.

So, why be good? Because in the end, that’s who you decide to be. And if you need a selfish reason to be good, it's because your life is made easier when you are surrounded by good people. And good people, do not give their time to bad people. Want to be surrounded by good people? Be a good person yourself. 

Exciting News: My Blog Named a Top Humanist Blog!

 I’m honored to share that my blog has been named one of the Top 15 Humanist Blogs by Feedspot—and I came in at number 8! 

For those who are new here, my writing focuses on applying humanism—the philosophy of living ethically without religion—to everyday challenges. Whether I’m exploring questions like “what is humanism?” or sharing practical strategies for how to live as a compassionate, responsible humanist, my goal is always the same: to help people define and live their values in real, tangible ways.

Being included on this list alongside so many other thoughtful writers in the humanist community is truly exciting. If you’re curious to explore more perspectives on defining humanism, the meaning of being a humanist, or how humanism shapes the way we live and work, I encourage you to check out the full list here: Top 15 Humanist Blogs.

Of course, I’ll keep writing and sharing insights here about compassion, ethics, behavioral science, and how we can use humanist principles to create a better world. But I also believe part of being a humanist is learning from one another—so I hope you’ll take a little time to read and support the other blogs on this list.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your support makes it possible for me to keep sharing these ideas and to continue showing how

How to Get Better at Doing New Things: Successive Approximation, Not Perfection

When we set out to learn something new, most of us fall into the same trap: expecting ourselves to be perfect right away. Whether it’s a new skill at work, a leadership practice, or even a new habit at home, we demand too much, too soon. And when perfection doesn’t happen, we get discouraged, give up, or label ourselves as “bad” at it.

Behavioral science offers us a much better model: successive approximation.

Jennifer training a dolphin in Hawaii while in college

What Dolphins Can Teach Us About Learning

When I was training dolphins, we used an approach to training new behaviors called successive approximation. Which basically means, you reward approximations of the wanted behavior and over time, fine tune it. We aren't rewarding perfect behavior. We are rewarding approximations of the behavior we want.

When trainers teach a dolphin a new trick, we don’t expect the animal to leap out of the water and spin on day one. That’s never going to happen. Why? Because dolphins don't speak human. If we want them to do something, we can't just say - please jump out of the water. We instead, have to help them figure out what we are asking for by both showing and rewarding behavior that is closer to what we want. 

We reward small steps that move the dolphin closer to the final behavior. These are called approximations. If the dolphin swims near the right spot—reinforcement. If it jumps a little—reinforcement. If it starts to spin—reinforcement.

Each attempt doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be a little closer to the desired behavior. Over time, those approximations add up  and lead to the behavior we have been working towards them learning. 

And ... I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Dolphins never do any behavior perfectly. They may do something reliably (like - more often than less often when given the signal). But perfection is not something any animal trainer expects from their animals. It's just not a realistic goal. 

Humans work the same way.

Stop Chasing Perfection. Start Rewarding Progress.

The key insight is this: no behavior is ever truly perfect. We’re always refining, always improving. The healthiest mindset shift you can make is to stop expecting perfection from yourself and instead aim for incremental successive progress.

Did you do a little better than last time? That’s success.
Did you move one step closer to your goal? That’s success.
Did you learn something useful—even from failure? That’s success too.

By celebrating small wins, you create momentum. By focusing on improvement instead of perfection, you unlock resilience. 

If you are a leader - please apply this to your team! Reward them for improvement. Don't punish them for not being perfect. 

Applying Successive Approximation to Yourself

• Break it down. Don’t aim for the whole behavior at once. What’s the next small step you can take or learn?

• Track progress, not perfection. Keep your eye on improvement over time, not flawless performance.

• Reinforce the attempt. Acknowledge and celebrate your effort, even if the result wasn’t ideal.

• Never “finish” learning. Even once you’re skilled, you can keep refining. Improvement never stops.

This approach doesn’t just reduce stress—it makes learning stick. You’re rewiring your brain through practice, repetition, and reinforcement.

A Humanistic Shift in Perspective

Instead of saying, “I failed because I wasn’t perfect,” you begin to say, “I’m succeeding because I’m improving.”

That’s a radical, freeing shift. And it’s not just about learning new tricks—it’s about how you approach leadership, relationships, and life itself.

Want to Learn How to Apply This in Practice?

I teach these techniques in my course, Mastering the Five Managerial Superpowers. It’s all about using behavioral psychology to hack your brain, improve your leadership skills, and create lasting change—not by aiming for perfection, but by practicing better.

Because the goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to improve.

Give Your Best 75%: A Humanist Approach to Sustainable Success

In a recent conversation with a friend, I said something offhand that stuck with me: “I got about 75% of my to-do list done today—and I feel really good about that.”

That simple statement captures a core lesson I’ve learned as a humanistic business leader: you don’t have to do everything to be successful. In fact, trying to do everything is a recipe for burnout—not just for you, but for your relationships, your community, and even your business. Giving your best 75% might just be the most productive and sustainable thing you can do.

The Myth of 100%

There’s a lot of pressure in the business world to give “110%” all the time. Hustle harder. Sleep less. Achieve more. But human beings aren’t machines—and when we treat ourselves like we are, we break down. Constant overdrive isn’t sustainable. And it’s not actually necessary.

Some of the most important things I do in a day—like making a healthy meal, having quality time with my family, playing a video game, or chatting with a friend—don’t show up on a productivity chart. But they make me a better business leader, a better thinker, and a more grounded human. They help me show up better for the 75% of work I do choose to tackle.

Working Sustainably Is Working Strategically

I work for myself. I have no boss threatening to fire me if I don’t check off every item on my list. That freedom has taught me something powerful: Many tasks simply don’t need to be done. Ever. Some can wait. Others vanish entirely when left alone for a few days.

The real trick is learning to discern. Every morning, I look at my task list—not to ask what I can cram into the day, but to decide what I’m not going to do. I pare it down to what’s truly meaningful and manageable, based on the time, energy, and obligations I have that day. That includes making time for myself and others, not just my business.

This is how I avoid burnout. It’s also how I do higher-quality work.

Systems That Support, Not Control

I’m still organized. I keep lists, use task trackers, and make sure nothing truly important gets forgotten. But those systems exist to support my work—not to guilt me into overworking.

I’ve also learned to say no. To projects. To requests. To distractions that don’t align with my priorities or capacity. Saying no isn’t failure. It’s focus. It’s choosing what matters most.

The 75% Rule

So here’s my philosophy: Give your best 75%. Be intentional. Be kind to yourself. Prioritize rest, relationships, and joy alongside business goals. You may leave some money on the table. But you’ll gain something far more valuable—your health, your clarity, your creativity, your sustainability.

And you’ll be better not just for your business, but for your family, your community (I volunteer at the zoo!), and the world around you.

You don’t have to do it all. Just do what matters—and do it well. You can thrive if you don't burn out. Save 25%  - for joy. 

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