Dorkiness and Success

If you have read my book The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom , you know that I have a chapter in there about being a dork. I happen to think being a dork is one of the key to living a happy and successful life.

There is an internet dance craze going around right now called Gangnam Style, which is by a k-pop phenom named Psy. One of the reasons we all love this video is not just that the music is catchy. It is. But it is the dancing that really makes this video work. And in case you haven’t seen it, I’ve included it below. Suffice it to say, the dancing in this video is over the top dorky. I mean, seriously dorky. Unabashedly dorky. And that’s why we like it.

Psy is famous and loved because he has embraced his dorkiness and he has become a success as a result. So, don’t feel like you have to hide you dorkiness to fit in. If you want to be happy, be a dork. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It matters whether you are happy with who you are. If you are, people will flock to you as we are all flocking to Psy and making videos of ourselves trying to copy his dance moves, which are actually rather hard to do because, well, they are and most of us aren’t willing to let ourselves go to the extent you need to do do those moves.

Anyway – enjoy!

Love Yourself

2 wonderful sisters who aren't
afraid to be themselves

This post is for my mom and for my aunt. I grew up in a family of nonconformists. We are all unique and we thrive on that. Not quite fitting in is a badge of honor in some ways.

I’m telling you this because I also come from a very happy family. I mean seriously. They all are really funny, love to play and don’t worry too much about what other people think.  We have each other and that’s enough. We don’t need outside approval.

We all know to not worry about what other people think. Either they will like us as we are, or they won’t. And if they don’t, so what. As long as a few people like me the way I am, I’m set. 

This is the key to being fearless and something that I wrote about in my book on how to deal with bullies (TheBullyVaccine.com)  But telling you all to be fearless isn’t exactly the primary reason for this post.  The real reason is because my mom wanted me to do a post that included a song I wrote for my Aunt Lana for her 50^th birthday.  The song is called Ode to Lana and yes, she was delighted and laughed hysterically at it. She’s a wonderful woman, laughs, loves and lives fully and is the biggest Beethoven freak you will ever meet.

Enjoy – Ode to Lana as performed by my old band The Dashboard Messiahs

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Compassion for others lead to compassion for self

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FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When dealing with difficult people it is really easy to feel sorry for yourself and wallow.  Wallowing is sometimes a necessary self-indulgence and something that we all need to do at some point.  The problem is that self-indulgent wallowing isn’t going to help you solve your problem

The common advice given to keep you from needing to wallow in the first place is to feel good about yourself so that the negativity other people direct at you doesn’t affect you. This is obviously very hard to do.  Most people would rather feel sorry for themselves.

I take a different approach. Rather than trying to make yourself feel better, I encourage people to feel sorry for the person who is being mean to them. The reason is because the more compassion you can muster up for others, the more compassion you can muster up for yourself.

So, the next time you find yourself confronted by someone who is trying to demean you, try feeling sorry for them. When you forgive people for not being perfectly wonderful, you will find that you can forgive yourself for not being perfect all the time either.

Coolness

Image: chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My son is in kindergarten. He is concerned about whether he is cool or not. It seems some of the older kids think they are cool. But he doesn’t think they are. Mostly because the kids who keep going on about being cool aren’t very nice. They think they are superior, and they clearly aren’t. I mean, let’s face it. If you should be in 1^st grade, but you are sitting in a kindergarten class. You aren’t all that cool.

I’ve told my son that cool people are cool because they are calm and cool when upsetting things happen. They don’t get hot, they remain cool. So being who you are, despite pressure to be “cool” is cool. Being obsessed with being cool isn’t cool. Cool people don’t obsess. They are too cool and calm to obsess.

I’ve assured him he is one of the coolest kids I’ve ever met and that pretty much every single adult who has ever met him is impressed with him and thinks he is cool. And a big part of that is because he is genuinely very nice. He seemed pleased by this reassurance.

The other day, he was talking to me about one of his friends. He said, “You know what comes with friendship?  Coolness.” I thought to myself, you couldn’t be more right. 

I've been saying this for years!

What you think about others is more a reflection of who you are, then it is of the other people.  If you view people you've never met positively, it means you are basically a positive person. If you view people you've never met as most likely jerks, it's because you are probably a jerk.

It's called projection and we all do it. We tend to project onto others our own issues and concerns. And it's important to understand this. That's why I wrote about it in my book about how the world doesn't revolve around you. When someone judges you unfairly it has very little to do with you and every thing to do with them.  It isn't about you. It's about how they feel about the world and themselves.  And that's not just folk wisdom, scientific research actually backs that up.

See: What you say about others says a lot about you : http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802165441.htm#.TpcmRlX_6M0.blogger

Also - thanks to Empathy Heals for first posting the story: http://www.empathyheals.com/2011/10/what-you-say-about-others-says-lot.html