Love Yourself

2 wonderful sisters who aren't
afraid to be themselves

This post is for my mom and for my aunt. I grew up in a family of nonconformists. We are all unique and we thrive on that. Not quite fitting in is a badge of honor in some ways.

I’m telling you this because I also come from a very happy family. I mean seriously. They all are really funny, love to play and don’t worry too much about what other people think.  We have each other and that’s enough. We don’t need outside approval.

We all know to not worry about what other people think. Either they will like us as we are, or they won’t. And if they don’t, so what. As long as a few people like me the way I am, I’m set. 

This is the key to being fearless and something that I wrote about in my book on how to deal with bullies (TheBullyVaccine.com)  But telling you all to be fearless isn’t exactly the primary reason for this post.  The real reason is because my mom wanted me to do a post that included a song I wrote for my Aunt Lana for her 50^th birthday.  The song is called Ode to Lana and yes, she was delighted and laughed hysterically at it. She’s a wonderful woman, laughs, loves and lives fully and is the biggest Beethoven freak you will ever meet.

Enjoy – Ode to Lana as performed by my old band The Dashboard Messiahs

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Proper Planning is not Pessimistic

I am often accused of being pessimistic. The problem is that when I am planning a new endeavor, I like to plan for unexpected contingencies. I brain storm all the possible ways my plans can be thwarted and then plan for what I will do if those unfortunate events should come to pass.

People who have embraced the idea of positive thinking, think I am attracting negativity to me. I am not into the power of positive thinking. I am a Humanist; I am into planning for success. The way I see it, the more I am ready for the negative possibilities, the more the negative possibilities won’t trip me up on my way forward. I am ready for them, I have planned for them and I can overcome them.

I liken this attitude to wearing a life preserver when out boating. Lots of people don’t wear life preservers. They don’t think they are going to have a problem. However, I want to be prepared. I have a much better chance of surviving a boating accident if I have a life preserver on than if I don’t. Thinking of the negatives does not kill my enthusiasm. It has the opposite effect. It helps me feel prepared and thus more ready to tackle my problems.

It is only by considering the possible negatives outcomes that I can truly make effective decisions that will minimize the potential downside of any of my activities. Why wouldn’t I want to do that? The way I look at it, mitigating potential problems isn’t pessimistic. It’s optimistic.

Old habits are hard to break

Sometimes I drive on autopilot

The other day I was driving my son home from the local splash playground. We had intended to go to a fast food restaurant on the way home (don’t judge, we all do it). Unfortunately, instead of heading to the restaurant, I headed home. At several points, I reminded myself at the next intersection to turn around but I didn’t. I still headed home. Only after returning home was I able to reset my brain to drive to the restaurant.

I’m sure this has happened to you before. It happens to everyone. Even though you are aware and paying attention, you are still, to a certain extent, working on autopilot. This is the power of habits. The road I was on is a road I’ve only ever driven to go home. Every stimulus I encountered told me to continue on my course to home. My strong desire to override this habitual programming wasn’t sufficient to override my instincts.

We humans like to think we are in control of our behavior all the time. The reality is, our ability to control our behavior is limited especially when it comes to habitualized behavior. It can be very hard to override our established programming. 

So be patient with yourself and others whenever you do stupid things. Sometimes you just need to go home before your instinctual brain will allow your conscious brain to take over.   And sometimes, you may need professional help. 

Image: "High Speed Motion" by siraphat FreeDigitalPhotos.net