Willpower and Habit

Why good habits improve willpower

I get asked a lot about how to implement specific aspects of Humanism, like critical thinking or being compassionate to obnoxious people.  What I always tell people is that first, no one thinks critically perfectly and no one’s first emotional response to a jerk is compassion.

Critical thinking and compassion are things you have to actively practice. And the more you practice, the easier it gets.  It becomes a habit. You still aren’t perfect, but it becomes easier to do these important tasks.

This is what habit formation does.  It makes things, habitual and as a result, you have to think less about them.  But according to research, wonderfully compiled by the bufferapp blog (see: http://blog.bufferapp.com/what-the-research-on-habit-formation-reveals-about-willpower-and-overall-well-being) it turns out that developing good habits positively impacts your will power as well.

The more you practice and make something positive a habit, the more you can resist temptations that require active willpower to achieve. In other words, the more you practice something like critical thinking, the more self-control you will have in other areas of your life. In the studies, people who made exercise a habit also reported less stress, better relationships, more patience with difficult people, less spending on their credit cards and more.

The lesson is that you don’t have to start off with big life changing things. Start small and make one positive change in your life and make it a habit. You will soon find that your increased mastering of this one thing helps you exert more self-control in other areas of your life and this increase in willpower will help you make further changes.

How to recover from losing your cool

4 Strategies for recovering from out of control emotions

It happens to the best of us. We all lose our cool sometimes. Even me! The question is, what are you going to do about it?  How can we best deal with the fact that even with the best intentions, we will not be at our best all of the time?

The goal of a Humanist is to be the best most ethical person we can be. That is easier said than done. Here are 4 strategies for recovering from these episodes as rationally, compassionately and effectively as you can.

•  Make it a habit: The more you practice being a good person, the more of a habit it becomes.  This not only makes being a good person easier, it also means that our instincts will steer us towards better behavior when we are under stress. This is important because it is when we are under stress that we are most likely to behave inappropriately. Make being good a habit and you are less likely to do something stupid when stressed.

• Find Compassion for yourself. Even with the best of intentions, we all have our moments. Forgive yourself when this happens and focus on what you can do to a) make amends and b) avoid a recurrence in the future.

•  Find the root cause of your problem. Do you have a blood sugar problem? Are you trying to control another person inappropriately and getting mad that you are failing? Knowing why you are losing your cool is essential if you are going to get your bad behavior under control in the future. Figure out why and then figure out a plan to avoid these problems in the future. 

• Take responsibility for the future. You might have lost your cool, but that doesn't mean you have to continue to lose your cool. Take responsibility for your actions. That means not only trying to make amends, but doing what you need to do to not repeat your performance. If you don’t take responsibility for your emotions, you will continue to have problems.

Losing your cool is embarrassing. How do you control your angers and/or your fears? What strategies do you use? What works, what makes things worse? 

The habit of being good

6 habits that will help you be a better, happier person

My new favorite blog to read is Health, Happiness and Humanism (http://pleasures-of-living.blogspot.com/) It is written by Ram Bansal. He recently did a post titled “Behave Greatly, Habitually.” (http://pleasures-of-living.blogspot.com/2012/12/behave-greatly-habitually.html) It is all about why you need to make being a good person a habit, otherwise it won’t happen and you won’t be the best person you can be and then, you won’t reap the benefits of all that comes with being good.

If you are a fan of my blog, you will know that a big theme of my writing is that the reason to be good is because it benefits you in the here and now. Anyhoo, back to the idea of making a habit of being good. Ram lists 6 attributed of a good person that in order to them, you need to make a habit.  These are:

1) Be polite, habitually

2) Be open minded, habitually

3) Be genuine, habitually

4) Be friendly, habitually

5) Be generous, habitually

6) Be interested in others, habitually

What I love about this list is not just that I agree with it. But that the emphasis is on making these habits. To make something be a habit means making it a routine.  To do that, you have to practice it until it becomes a habit.

Is it easy? No. It takes, well, practice. But like anything, once you practice it enough, it becomes a habit and it is much easier to do. Will you be happier?  Yes, most definitely. The best way to get started is to focus on one of these areas at a time until it becomes a habit, then move on to the next one. If you do this, your life will be changed.

What do you think the most important habit a Humanist should cultivate is? For me, I obviously gravitate towards the habit of compassion. Compassion helps me accomplish the other items on Ram’s list. What about you?  

Old habits are hard to break

Sometimes I drive on autopilot

The other day I was driving my son home from the local splash playground. We had intended to go to a fast food restaurant on the way home (don’t judge, we all do it). Unfortunately, instead of heading to the restaurant, I headed home. At several points, I reminded myself at the next intersection to turn around but I didn’t. I still headed home. Only after returning home was I able to reset my brain to drive to the restaurant.

I’m sure this has happened to you before. It happens to everyone. Even though you are aware and paying attention, you are still, to a certain extent, working on autopilot. This is the power of habits. The road I was on is a road I’ve only ever driven to go home. Every stimulus I encountered told me to continue on my course to home. My strong desire to override this habitual programming wasn’t sufficient to override my instincts.

We humans like to think we are in control of our behavior all the time. The reality is, our ability to control our behavior is limited especially when it comes to habitualized behavior. It can be very hard to override our established programming. 

So be patient with yourself and others whenever you do stupid things. Sometimes you just need to go home before your instinctual brain will allow your conscious brain to take over.   And sometimes, you may need professional help. 

Image: "High Speed Motion" by siraphat FreeDigitalPhotos.net