Do you take a Sabbath?

There is always work to be done. But does that mean we have to do it? Every day?

I am self-employed (see: https://humanistlearning.com) Like most self-employed people, I have to carefully guard my free time. It is VERY easy to work every single day. There is always something to do or that needs doing.

And even if I am not working on ... work. I still have chores to do around the house. Like dishes and laundry and cleaning the bathrooms. That’s work too. So when do I have free time? What should I do with my free time?  It’s amazing how hard that question is to answer.

In order for me to have free time, I have to schedule it. I have to set aside days where I just don’t work. Normally, that requires me to get out of the house and do something active because the lure of doing something instead of doing nothing is just too great!

This is why I like the concept of the Sabbath. One day out of seven, where you commit to not doing any work.  A day of rest and play. It’s not something I adhere to strictly – it’s more a reminder that all work and no play makes Jen a very dull girl.

It’s not that I do nothing on a do nothing day. It’s more that the things I choose to do – I do because they are fun to do. It isn’t work because it doesn’t matter if I do them or not. That is what makes it fun. If I don’t do a crossword puzzle, it won’t impact my business or the efficient running of my household. That’s why I like doing crossword puzzles! It’s fun, not work.

Whether it’s playing a board game or going to the beach or bbqing (which is technically working on food preparation), the goal is to do things that don’t matter if I do them or not.

What do you like to do when you are doing nothing in particular? Do you give yourself a sabbath/day of rest?

Why do Humanists encourage self-education?

Humanists are dedicated to self-education because we understand that education is the key to Auto-Liberation.

The Atlantic had a brilliant essay recently by Ta-Nehisi Coates called Being French.  The subtitle of the essay is: It’s hard to learn a new language. But it’s way harder to learn a new culture. (See: http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/08/acting-french/375743/)

This brilliant essay is about the role education plays in both subjugation and liberation.  Subjugation results from the restriction of learning. The problem is that we can do this to ourselves when we restrict our own learning. Maybe we don’t want to learn.  The problem is that when we refuse to learn, we limit ourselves.

Liberation is not something that is given to us. It is something we have to learn and earn for ourselves.  This is why self-education is the key to auto-liberation.

Ta-Nehisi talks about his own journey to cosmopolitanism, which is an attitude of openness to other cultures.  Cosmopolitanism is important because it opens us up to learning.

Ta-Nehisi provides an ample example of this when he talks about the self-education of the Cherokee.  Settlers hope that by educating the Cherokee – they could control them. The opposite happened.  The Cherokee didn’t restrict their learning to what was provided for them. They took to self-education and the liberation that comes with it as if their lives depended on it – because it did.

To quote Ta-Nehsis “Openness to education did not make the Cherokee pliant to American power; it gave them tools to resist that power. Realizing this, the United States dropped the veneer of “culture” and “civilization” and resorted to “Indian Removal,” or The Trail of Tears.”

Restriction of learning is a tool of suppression. Control of education is power. If you want to have power and autonomy, you have to control your own learning. You have to make learning a priority for yourself and to actively seek out opportunities to learn.  This is why Humanists consider education so important.

Ta-Nehisi continues, “In our time, it is common to urge young black children toward education so that they may be respectable or impress the “right people.” But the “right people” remain unimpressed, and the credentials of black people, in a country rooted in white supremacy, must necessarily be less. That great powers are in the business of using "respectability" and "education" to ignore these discomfiting facts does not close the book. You can never fully know. But you can walk in the right direction.”

That right direction? Self-education and auto-liberation.

Blame vs. Responsibility.

Why taking responsibility for your problems works better.

I am a big fan of personal responsibility. To me, responsibility is one of the pillars of the Humanist philosophy, along with critical thinking and compassion. There is a reason for that and that is because being responsible makes life easier.

There is a great article at Forbes about how blaming others for your problems makes your stress worse and why it is better to own up and take responsibility for your actions and your problems, whether you caused them or not.

One of the first reasons why the blame game is bad is because blame is rooted in fear and instead of assuaging your fears by blaming others, all that does is create more fear, not less. There is a reason for this.

When you blame others, you place the solution to your problems on others.  And that’s a problem because you can’t control others. You can only control yourself.  So, instead of helping you to regain control over a situation that is out of control, when you blame others, you are giving control over what happens to you to others. And that’s pretty scary.

A better response when something goes wrong, is to focus on responsibly solving the problem. What went wrong, how are we going to fix it and who is responsible for making sure it is fixed?  This is a much better approach to problem solving than – who is to blame and can we throw them under a bus in a panicked attempt to solve our problem without actually doing anything proactive to solve it?

The question I always ask people is do you actually want to solve your problem?  Or do you want to pretend to solve your problem?  Most people default to pretending to solve their problems not realizing how many additional problems that causes.

Don’t get caught in this trap. Take responsibility. Reduce your fears and start working proactively to solve your problems. You will be less stressed and less fearful if you do.

Life is to be lived

So, been doing a bit of a virtual book tour in support of my book. One of the big topics I am being asked about is suicide. Which is interesting because I only really address it from the perspective of - here’s how you recognize suicidal behavior in others with the advice that you should probably avoid them because suicidal people like to take others along with them for their self destructive rides.

What I didn’t do is give advice to people who are contemplating suicide. Probably because for me, it’s not something I have ever considered seriously. And also, I do like to focus on happier things. But since it has come up and because my podcast posts about suicide are my most popular posts (which again is a bit upsetting), I thought I would give a quick - here’s how Humanists look at it.

Don’t commit suicide!

Life is amazing. And yes, it is hard at times, and painful and sad at times. And believe me, I know. I have lost a child and been the victim of a stalking. I have known sadness and pain so powerful that it is incapacitating. I have known fear so intense it is immobilizing. But those are just emotions. Regardless of how intense they are, they are temporary and can be overcome. I am living proof that it is possible to not just overcome them but to thrive. It’s hard, but it can be done.

The question people considering suicide often ask is, “why not just kill myself and get it over with?” Humanists find this question to be a very unsatisfying and depressing question to ask. It has no good answer. So if you find yourself asking that question, stop.

The better question to ask yourself is this. “Despite it all, why not live?” Go on. Ask yourself this question and see how you feel afterwards, I’ll wait. …. To even ask that question is in some ways an act of defiance. It feels good. More importantly, even a halfhearted response to “why not live” opens up a new world of possibilities.

The Humanist approach is to live despite it all. And not only to live but to embrace life whole-heartedly - the good and the bad and to ultimately be happy. Life is amazing and hard, but it is life and life is to be lived. And if you die, you will miss it all, and that would be a shame. Especially since tomorrow is International Love Song day - you wouldn’t want to miss that.

Oh - and one last thing. If you are suffering from depression and are thinking of killing yourself. Don’t. Go to your doctor and tell them you are depressed and be honest with them about exactly how depressed you really are. They really can help you and you will feel much better once you are honest with someone else about how badly you have been feeling. If you can’t afford a doctor or don’t have one, go to your county health clinic and tell them about how you feel. Help is available, go and get it. Check out - http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for more information

Gotta Be Me

Being comfortable with who you are is important. You cannot be happy if you don't like yourself. So don't let other people's insecurities rub off on you. Just be who you are and allow yourself to be happy.

Happiness Though Humanism

Hi all - just starting this blog to have a specific place to post on topics related to how Humanism can help you be a happier person. In this blog I will write about how specific aspects of the Humanist philosophy can be applied to real life situations to help people do better, be happier and more productive.