Creating Change in Your Life

Whatever it is you don’t like that is going on in your professional or personal life – you can change it. Things don’t have to be the way they are. We can change things and make the world a better place for everyone to live if we take responsibility to do it and approach our problems using a combination of love, compassion science and reason. 

Most people have a list of things they don't like about themselves and others. Even if we like our job and the people around us, there are still things that annoy us and that we would like to change.

Half of the struggle in creating change is just deciding, it's your responsibility. Stop waiting for others to create change, and start - doing it yourself.

Do you have to do it alone? No. And you shouldn't do it yourself. But ... you do have to take personal responsbility to do your part.

And often that means, starting with us. What do we need to learn? What do we need to do differently for ourselves? How do we want to be in relationship to others? All of these are matters of personal responsibility.

So - start with yourself. Start by defining for yourself what it is you truly value. Decide what sort of person you want to be and then start practicing your values in real life. When you need to make a decision think - how would I do this if I lived by my values. That pause to think before acting can make a world of difference. 

 Once you start acting according to your ethics, the next challenge is how to be more effective. For this, you will need to learn how to be a more critical thinking and you will need to become scientifically literate so that you start working on problems that a) are real problems and b) so that you can find solutions to your real problems that will really work. 

Finally, you need to find balance. All work and no play makes for bad outcomes for yourself and others. If what you want is more balance, implement that for yourself. You will find it easier to understand that balance between work and play helps you be more effective at work. 

I have found that I am at my best when I combine moral philosophy, critical thinking, and science together. I think you will benefit from this approach too - which is why I teach this. Visit my website to find books and courses that can help you be a more moral, effective and capable person. https://humanistlearning.com/ 

And yes, I do have a course on the science and ethics of why change is so hard and how to overcome the resistance to change in yourself and others. https://humanistlearning.com/change1/

Answering the Question: Why?

We all struggle with motivation at times. Knowing WHY you are doing things helps break the motivation block and gets you through the tough times.

President Obama was interviewed and he was asked to share what he carries around with him. See video here:

In which President Obama shares with Ingrid Nilsen the stories of the things he carries with him that remind him of the people he's met: go.wh.gov/YouTubeAsksObama #YouTubeAsksObama
Posted by The White House on Friday, January 15, 2016

He carries things around to remind him why he is doing the job he is doing. The answer is because people are invested in him. This isn’t about him. It’s about the people who are hoping he will help make things better for them.

His motivation is beyond himself and that’s hugely important when times get tough.

If we are doing things only for ourselves, when things get tough, we will quit. It isn’t worth it to us so why bother. If, however, you are doing something for someone else, it’s much harder to quit.

I started my business to help people learn how to stop bullying. Starting a business is tough. Getting people to take a chance on you and give you a break is tough. I’ve thought about quitting many times. But I don’t. Why? Because if I don’t share how to stop bullies, who will? There is NOONE else out there teaching what I teach. I either do this or people continue to suffer. THAT”S motivation.

If you are struggling with motivation – ask yourself why. Why are you doing this? If you are doing it for yourself great. But if you can look beyond yourself to how your work helps others – even better. That way, whenever you need to ask yourself why – you will have an answer that is good enough to keep you motivated through the tough times.

Do you take a Sabbath?

There is always work to be done. But does that mean we have to do it? Every day?

I am self-employed (see: https://humanistlearning.com) Like most self-employed people, I have to carefully guard my free time. It is VERY easy to work every single day. There is always something to do or that needs doing.

And even if I am not working on ... work. I still have chores to do around the house. Like dishes and laundry and cleaning the bathrooms. That’s work too. So when do I have free time? What should I do with my free time?  It’s amazing how hard that question is to answer.

In order for me to have free time, I have to schedule it. I have to set aside days where I just don’t work. Normally, that requires me to get out of the house and do something active because the lure of doing something instead of doing nothing is just too great!

This is why I like the concept of the Sabbath. One day out of seven, where you commit to not doing any work.  A day of rest and play. It’s not something I adhere to strictly – it’s more a reminder that all work and no play makes Jen a very dull girl.

It’s not that I do nothing on a do nothing day. It’s more that the things I choose to do – I do because they are fun to do. It isn’t work because it doesn’t matter if I do them or not. That is what makes it fun. If I don’t do a crossword puzzle, it won’t impact my business or the efficient running of my household. That’s why I like doing crossword puzzles! It’s fun, not work.

Whether it’s playing a board game or going to the beach or bbqing (which is technically working on food preparation), the goal is to do things that don’t matter if I do them or not.

What do you like to do when you are doing nothing in particular? Do you give yourself a sabbath/day of rest?

Meaningless slogans

Why having a slogan for a mission statement won’t help you create an effective strategy.  

Consider this a lesson in Humanistic Leadership. In order to lead, you have to know where you are going and more importantly, why you are going there.  Having a mission statement or goal is a good way to direct your activities towards achieving your goals. The problem is that all too often groups create a mission statement that is more of a slogan that an actual statement of their goals and objectives.

The reason this is a problem is because without an actual mission, you can’t create an effective strategy to get there. I am working with a group right now that has a great slogan for a project they are working on but it’s empty. No one can tell me what they are trying to accomplish with the project. Sure, they have a catchy slogan, but not much else. They can’t even tell me what the slogan means. As a result, none of the activity they are doing is even remotely related to their slogan. There is a disconnect and it’s impacting their ability to connect with their members and fans effectively.

There is a huge different between having a slogan and having a strategy. Don’t make the mistake of creating a meaningless mission statement. Spend some time thinking about what you really want to accomplish and more importantly why you want to accomplish it.

The why is your real mission. When you understand why you are doing the things you do it becomes easier to do them and you can better focus on that which accomplishes your true mission and avoid activities that steer you off course. Understanding your real mission or goals provides clarity and helps people rally to your cause because they understand what your cause is. In short it helps you to be more strategic in your actions instead of doing something and hoping for the best. And that’s always a good thing.

I keep saying this but it doesn’t seem to stick. Critical thinking isn’t just for debunking religion. It is for helping you solve your problems more effectively by helping you not only define what your real problem is, but also it helps you find solutions that will actually work so you don’t waste your time on activities that don’t work. This is just as true for business strategies as it is for scientific endeavors.

So please don’t create meaningless slogans because it is easier than doing the hard work of actually thinking strategically about who you are and what you really want to do and accomplish. The hard work of thinking through your objectives on the front end will save you a tremendous amount of wasted time and energy that doesn’t accomplish anything because it is ultimately directionless because your slogan was just that, a slogan and not a call to action.

We’re all going to die!

Why mortality is inspiring!

There is a great video from Richard Dawkins reading from his book Unweaving the Rainbow in which he says “we are all going to die and that makes us the lucky ones.”

I don’t know a single Humanist who doesn’t agree with that sentiment. It’s not that we want to die. We want to live life fully. It is just that we recognize how incredible it is that we are alive at all. Our birth was not inevitable. It was a matter of luck and chance.

Knowing that it’s amazing that I am even here, why would I waste this opportunity? Even the bad bits are worth savoring as an experience. Though, admittedly, there are experiences I would have preferred not to have gone through, they do make up who I am now.

Yes, I’m going to die at some point. We’re all going to die. The question is, what are you going to do in the meantime? Continue through life on autopilot? Or embrace life fully?

Here is Dawkin’s We’re all going to die video – enjoy and be inspired.

Positive Perseverance

While persevering is no guarantee of success, there can be no success without it.

Life is hard. Sometimes annoyingly so. I feel like my husband and I have been going through a period of bad luck where things just aren’t going our way. It’s frustrating. But, we stick at it, and keep plugging along working to make things better for ourselves, our family and the world in which we live.

What keeps us going? Well, first, that we don’t have an alternative. Things are what they are and we have no choice but to deal with them. We might as well tackle these things with a positive attitude.

I liken this to my son who hates doing homework and is bored doing it. Whenever he says, I’m bored, I say, so am I, so get the homework done so we can go do something else more fun. Drudgery is a part of life. Get it done and move on and the better the attitude you have about the drudgery, the quicker you get it over with. Fighting it just draws it out.

The next thing that keeps us going is hope.  Hope for the future. Again, we may continue to have bad luck. There is only so much that we can control in our lives. But that shouldn’t stop us from making an effort. There is a lot we can control and by doing those things we improve the possibility that our luck might change. That we may get a break.

An example of this is looking for a new job. There are still way to many people out of work and it doesn’t matter how well qualified you are, you may still lose out on a job to another candidate. Don’t take it personally. My husband lost out on a job a while back that he was actually the top candidate for until another guy lost his job and became available and knocked my husband out of the running. Sometimes things like that happen and sometimes you catch a break. The point is that unless you persevere and keep trying you won’t even be in the running.

For me, the work I do is lonely. I’m a writer. I post stuff and rarely does anyone respond. But sometimes they do and sometimes you find that you had a tremendous impact on someone else’s life. Like yesterday I got a call from a mother who told me that her daughter has become totally empowered because of a book I wrote. If I wasn’t out there persevering despite the lack of positive response, I would not have even met that woman in the first place to have had that impact.

You never know what will come of your efforts. Possibly nothing. But even if that is true, it is still worth it to positively persevere. Because you just never know.

Do you have a story of perseverance you’d like to share? Please share if you do because it will help motivate the rest of us to keep going when the going gets hard.