There is no “Law” of Attraction

I like to think of this post as positive thinking for people who don't believe in the magical powers of positive thinking. The universe doesn’t magically send things you wish for to you. Here are 3 reasons why you should be positive and optimistic anyway.

There is no “Law” of Attraction. It is not a physical or natural law. It is more like a wish: a wish that if you just wish hard enough, the universe will provide for you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there is no physical mechanism by which the universe can grant your wishes. You can’t bring more positive things to you by being more positive. Your energy doesn’t “flow” into the universe. And you can’t bring negativity upon yourself just by thinking negative thoughts.

However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be positive and optimistic or that you shouldn’t make an effort to control your negative thoughts. There are some really good rational and pragmatic reasons why being optimistic and positive can help you.

• Feeling optimistic, even if irrationally so, feels way better than feeling negative. Depression is a real brain state and it can really negatively impact an individual’s ability to function. For this reason, happier thoughts are preferred as they help us feel motivated to tackle life’s problems. And that’s a good thing.  The problem is that unrestrained optimism is just as bad as unrestrained pessimism, which is why the manic phase of bi-polar disorder isn’t something to celebrate. The goal is to be realistically optimistic and realistically happy as a result.

•  Being optimistic helps us to think about the future is a positive way. This is important because we can’t work towards a goal we don’t have. Goals are important. They give us meaning and purpose in our lives, and that helps us feel connected and motivated. There is nothing magical about this. It’s an essential element of planning for a better future. One of the hallmarks of a Humanist mindset is that we refuse to accept the status quo when the status quo sucks. So think about how things might be better and then start working towards it.

• Positive thinking is motivated thinking. In order to tackle the challenges of life, you have to have some belief that you will succeed. Otherwise there is no point in trying. The fact that we may not succeed shouldn’t stop us from dreaming and thinking about how we can improve. Humanism is a philosophy of human agency, which is the belief that humans can actively work to create change in our world. And that because we can create change, we have a responsibility to try. Again, we acknowledge that we might be wrong and that we might not succeed, but we are committed to trying anyway. Why? Because what if we are wrong and we can succeed? The only way to know is to try so we refuse to give in to pessimism, even if that pessimism is realistic. We feel that there is value in striving.

Like anything, positive thinking can be a force for good or it can be misused. The key is to be rational and realistic about it and to not fall prey to the temptation of magical thinking. But neither should we fall prey to a cynical pessimism masquerading as skepticism. There are practical reasons why we should cultivate a positive attitude in life.

How do you maintain your optimism despite life’s challenges? How do you keep your optimism and skepticism in balance?

Embracing Uncertainty

How to reduce stress and improve your results by embracing life's uncertainty.  

There is a positive thinking movement also known as the Law of Attraction. As a Humanist, I have mixed feelings about it.  On the one hand, I like the idea of being positive.  I like the idea of imagining a better future and then working toward those goals.  After all, without positive thinking, the motivation to do and try new things wouldn’t be there.  We have to believe we can create change to even try.

The problem is that all that positive thinking doesn’t help you if it prevents you from planning for potential difficulties. The road to a better, happier life isn’t easy and no amount of positive thinking is going to change that basic reality.

Life is uncertain.  You can plan for success; however you define that, all you want. You can do everything right and still fail through no fault of your own. Good people have bad things happen to them. That is just the way of the world. Life is uncertain.

I think one of the reasons why people are so attracted to positive thinking is because it gives them a way to control their fears and nervousness.  It is a way for them to believe they have control over things they don’t actually have control of.

The Humanist approach is to embrace reality. And that means, embracing uncertainty. Accepting that there are some things beyond your control doesn’t have to cause you stress. It turns out that the fear you don’t have control is worse than accepting that you don’t. Once you accept that the outcomes of your endeavors are ultimately unknown, it frees you up to focus on the things you can control instead. Do your best and hope for the best. But it is always a good idea to be prepared and to have an alternative plan in place just in case things don’t go as you had hoped. That isn’t pessimistic. It is just good planning.

What do you do to control the stress created by uncertainty? Do you use the Serenity Prayer? Do you have a silly little ritual you perform that helps or a mantra that you repeat to yourself? Don't  be ashamed, we all do. I personally close my eyes and remind myself of how much I love my husband and son when I get stressed out. It helps me every time. Rituals are a way of coping with the stress of uncertainty. I’d love to hear what your quirky ritual habits are. 

No Promises

As a Humanist life skills coach, I will never tell you how to get rich quick. That’s because, very few people get rich quick. Even overnight sensations spend years slugging along before they get their big break. My husband and I joke that it will probably take me 8 years of hard work to become an overnight sensation. And even then, I might never be.

Image: "Try Win Lose Dice"
by Stuart Miles

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This doesn’t discourage me though. Even though there is no magic formula to succeed in life, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. While it would be nice if I could wish upon a star and get my dream’s desire, in the real world, reaching your dreams takes hard work and quite a bit of luck. 

I can control the hard work. It’s the luck part that is frustrating. But I don’t allow that to discourage me. Here’s why.

1. I know that if I don’t at least make a good faith effort, I have no chance of success at all. So if I want to be successful, I have to make an effort. No good is going to come to me just from wishing.
2. Even if I never achieve my dreams, the journey is still worth it.

We all have things we want to improve in our lives. Whether it is our finances, our love life or our looks, there is always something that could be improved. And, as a Humanist, I think we should absolutely be taking constructive actions to improve our lives.  However, I also think that we would be fools to wait until our lives were perfect before giving ourselves permission to enjoy life.

Whenever I am struggling with something or frustrated and ready to give up on some project I ask myself one simple question. What am I doing with my life?  The answer is always the same. Living it.  While I have short and long term goals, my ultimate goal is to live my life to the fullest. Even if I don’t ever accomplish my other objectives, as long as I’ve lived life fully and did my best, I’ve succeeded.  If I manage to help other people in the process - bonus. 

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If you want to learn more about how to live life successfully as a Humanist and without all the magical nonsense about how just improving your thoughts can improve your life - check out my life skills course - Living Made Simpler