Facing Your Fears … in Business

Businesses are by definition public. For some people, that causes a lot of anxiety.

 Being professional isn’t always easy. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t occasionally suffer from self-doubt. For some people, this doubt – holds them back.  They don’t advocate for themselves or their ideas as they should. They accept working conditions that they shouldn’t and/or they allow customers or managers to treat them badly when they shouldn’t.

I don’t care who you are, at some point, you are going to struggle in business and in your professional life. There is no easy solution to the problems. Sometimes when you are going through hell, all you can do is keep going.

What I find helps me though, is my commitment to morality. Grounding my decisions in morality helps me find courage to face the whatever it is I need to face.  Because whatever is going on – isn’t just about me. It’s about others too.  While I might be quite willing to put up with quite a lot of BS, I’m less likely to allow others to be treated poorly.

The other thing grounding my thinking in morality does is it helps me to “fight the good fight” on behalf of what I know to be right.  Obviously – self righteous indignation can also be used for evil, but most of us won’t get anywhere close to falling off that ledge. Our problem is that we aren’t righteous enough.

If you find yourself struggling, go ahead and consider the moral ramifications of what is going on.  You may just find the motivation to do what is right and to insist on what is right despite all the pressure to stop. 

Learn more about how to integrate your morals into your decision making with – Planning for Personal Success – online course - https://humanistlearning.com/planforpersonalsuccess/

And finally, on the subject of fear. Allowing your fears to hold you back isn’t an option when you are advocating for what you know to be morally right.  When things matter, we will do what is necessary to make it happen. Mattering is a matter of morality. Don’t neglect your moral reasoning. It really will help.

Happiness and Existential Angst

We all experience existential angst at some point – but are there ways to answer these questions in such a way that will help us to eliminate that stress and be happier?

I think the answer is yes.  According to – this page - http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/types/existential – existential anxiety is a product of not having good answers to the big questions of life – like – who am I, why am I here, and do I have a purpose. As well as the really big question – how much control do I really have over my life?

The big problem seems to not know.  When we don’t know what the future will hold, we get nervous.  Really nervous. When we don’t feel like we can control what happens to us in the future, we get nervous too. Trying to figure out whether our actions will help us or hurt us – stresses us out.

And if we don’t figure out how to cope with that stress – it can overwhelm us.

As a Humanist – I cope with not knowing by accepting I don’t know. And I realize that may seem really strange. How can accepting something that is stressing you out – help you relax.  Well – when I accept that I can’t know – I stop trying to know. So I stop expending my mental energy on it and – that’s what relaxation is.

Who am I?  I don’t really know. I mean I know my name and who I want to be. But who am I and why am I?  I don’t have an answer to that and I’m actually totally ok with that. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I have accepted that those questions don’t actually have answers. And so I don’t have to ponder them anymore.

What is my purpose in life?  Well, that one is a bit more interesting and can have a really good answer.  I can’t know if I have an “ultimate” purpose or not – so I choose to not worry about that. But I can decide who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. And it turns out – that’s enough. In fact, it’s REALLY satisfying.

There is a reason this blog has as its tag – encouraging people to live ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity.  That’s my life’s purpose. To help other people adopt a similar purpose. And the great thing about this – is – working towards it makes me happy.

Do I need answers to the big questions to be happy? No. I just need to do my best with the life I have to do my best to be my best. And stop worrying about things that don’t really matter. Like – whether I have an ultimate purpose in life or not. Can’t know it and if I do – I do – but clearly – not knowing is part of how I’m supposed to do this thing called life – so let’s get on with it.

Impatience

Five ways to relax when you least want to.

I am not a patient person, so I have to practice the art of relaxing when I don’t want to relax a lot!  I can’t say I’m perfect at it, but I have learned a few things as a result of this practice.

• It’s ok that I’m impatient.  It means something is important to me. I don’t have to feel bad about things mattering.  

• Just because things matter doesn't mean I get to act like a raving lunatic. It’s ok to be passionate about something, but acting psychotic is not a good way to make what I need to have happen happen.

• Things take time – more time than I would like, but I’m pretty sure that time is perverse. The quicker you want something to happen, the longer it will take for it to happens which is why I need to

• Find something else to do. Since I can’t make things happen when and how I want them to, and pushing on it would make it not happen or ruin my chances of it happening, the best thing I can do is go do something else totally unrelated.  It’s a good way to burn off excess energy and be productive at the same time. And finally, 

• Be open to change. I can’t tell you the number of times that the work I did while waiting for something else to happen turned out to be something worthwhile.  And sometimes, by doing this, I figure out how to work around the thing I am waiting on so I don’t need to wait for it anymore. 

As I said, I’m not a patient person. But I have figured out how to channel my nervous energy into productive behavior, even if it doesn't get me any closer to getting what I want.  And isn't that a better that spending your time fretting, not doing anything?

What do you do when you are nervous, anxious and impatient?

Getting rid of nagging thoughts

How critical thinking skills can help you focus and not fret.

Nagging thoughts plague everyone. The problem is that they are rarely productive. They prevent us from thinking about the things we should be. Why? Because our minds aren’t always under our full control.

The way I get rid of nagging thoughts and anxiety is to address them. What am I afraid of? What can I do to avoid that? As soon as I have a plan to deal with the possible negative consequences, my brain relaxes and allows me to move forward with what I was supposed to be doing. This works every time and it’s very easy to do.   I have another blog post on why Proper Planning is Not Pessimistic, if you want to learn more (http://humanisthappiness.blogspot.com/2012/08/proper-planning-is-not-pessimistic.html)

Interestingly enough, the skill of questioning yourself and your motives is an essential aspect of critical thinking and freethought. Humanists practice them because they help us solve our problems, even if our problems exist only in our imaginations.

This rational approach to dealing with managing anxiety and worry only works if you have otherwise normal brain functions. If you are suffering from OCD, this won’t work.  OCD has a very strong genetic component and it is considered a disorder. Meaning people suffering from it aren’t able to control it without assistance from a professional. If you have OCD or suspect you might, talk to your doctor and seek professional help. You will be glad you did. Admitting your problem is beyond your ability to control is actually a relief as it puts you in a position to finally get your problem under control.

For everyone else – practice critical thinking. It really does help manage anxiety and worry rather well.

I’m curious to know what other people do to manage their nagging thoughts. Do you have a system that works well for you? If you do, please please share!