Dealing with an annoying co-worker – humanistically

The single best way to deal with an annoying co-worker is by cultivating compassion for them, followed by a commitment to be professional even when it’s hard.

Your coworker is who they are. You might find them annoying, but so what. You are a professional.  Your job is to figure out how to treat your co-worker with the respect they deserve. After all, you are annoying to others too and you expect to be treated with respect. Don’t you. No one is not annoying. Some people are just more annoying than others.

The next time you feel annoyed, remind yourself, this person is a person and is flawed and may not be able to help it. And then remind yourself that you have your moments too. Feel sorry for them, think about how you would want to be treated in those moments when you haven’t been your best, and actively reach out to your coworker in a genuinely kind and professional way. You may be surprised to find that their annoying behavior was actually in response to your annoying behavior. It happens a lot.

If you change and stop being so judgmental and obviously annoyed, your coworker may be less stressed around you and if they are less stressed, their annoying habits that they manifest when stressed, won’t occur.
So again, consider that you might be part of the problem. Consider your coworker with the compassion you reserve for the people you consider fully human and commit yourself to behaving professionally regardless of how other people act. In other words, be kind. It’s not all about you.

Let It Be

Allow others to be who they are, even if who they are annoys you.

You aren’t going to get along with everyone. Nor should you expect to. It would be nice if everyone got along but we are all too different. We have different ideas, different experiences, different agendas, different knowledge, and different personalities. We are all different.

Mostly, those differences are a good thing, but they can also be annoying and frustrating, especially when we are trying to get something done and someone as a different opinion.

Beyond that it is also possible that the basic way someone acts can annoy you. Maybe they talk too loud or have an annoying habit that drives you up the wall. It doesn’t matter what it is, if you are to maintain your sanity and deal with them productively, you have to find some way to deal with your annoyance.

I do this by accepting that the other person is who they are. There is a reason they behave as they do and believe the things they do even if I don’t understand it or I think they are wrong.

Most of the reason why we get stressed out and annoyed is because we want them to stop. The question we have to ask ourselves is, would it be beneficial to them to stop, or would it just benefit me. Because if it is just me, then I need to keep it to myself and allow them to be who they are. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with me.

The next question is, assuming it would benefit them to stop, because it is interfering not just with our relationship but with others as well is this – are they capable of or even interested in changing? If so, helping them to learn how to tweak their behaviors slightly would be helpful. If not, then it would be pointless.  How do you know which it is? By approaching them politely and compassionately in a spirit of helpfulness. If you are rebuked and they aren’t interested, let it be.

You can’t change other people. You can make suggestions, but ultimately, they are the ones who have to live with the consequences of their actions and if they are fine with the consequences of being annoying, let it be.

If you are waiting for the annoying people of the world to go away before you can find peace, you are going to wait a very long time. Instead of trying to change other people, focus on the fact that you aren’t as perfect or as wonderful as you should be either. Work on improving yourself and learn how to calm your mind and find peace even amongst the most annoying of people, you will be a better happier person.

To help you with your meditations on this subject, here are The Beatles with Let it Be