Dealing with an annoying co-worker – humanistically

The single best way to deal with an annoying co-worker is by cultivating compassion for them, followed by a commitment to be professional even when it’s hard.

Your coworker is who they are. You might find them annoying, but so what. You are a professional.  Your job is to figure out how to treat your co-worker with the respect they deserve. After all, you are annoying to others too and you expect to be treated with respect. Don’t you. No one is not annoying. Some people are just more annoying than others.

The next time you feel annoyed, remind yourself, this person is a person and is flawed and may not be able to help it. And then remind yourself that you have your moments too. Feel sorry for them, think about how you would want to be treated in those moments when you haven’t been your best, and actively reach out to your coworker in a genuinely kind and professional way. You may be surprised to find that their annoying behavior was actually in response to your annoying behavior. It happens a lot.

If you change and stop being so judgmental and obviously annoyed, your coworker may be less stressed around you and if they are less stressed, their annoying habits that they manifest when stressed, won’t occur.
So again, consider that you might be part of the problem. Consider your coworker with the compassion you reserve for the people you consider fully human and commit yourself to behaving professionally regardless of how other people act. In other words, be kind. It’s not all about you.

Stop Making Bad Decisions

2 strategies to learn how to make better decisions.

We all make bad decisions. Some of us more than others.  Being the uber rational person I am (stop sniggering), have rationalized WHY it’s worth the effort to learn how to make better decisions.  Here it goes.  We all make a ton of decisions every day. These decisions add up.  It’s a numbers game really.  If we can make a slight improvement in our decision making process, the impact of that improvement, over the course of our life time will have a exponential effect on the quality of our lives.

Sure, any given decision might not have a huge impact on our lives, but the cumulative effect of all our decisions will.  Which is why it’s worth learning how to think better and make better decisions.

Which is why I loved this article by FastCompany – on 7 ways to make better decisions: http://www.fastcompany.com/3027160/work-smart/7-ways-to-stop-making-bad-decisions There 7 tips are:
1) Get better information (obvious good idea)
2) Avoid pitfalls (learn the logical fallacies and try to avoid them in your thinking – again – good advice)
3) Look at your history – don’t repeat mistakes
4) Check in with yourself (ie: don’t make decisions when  hungry)
5) Take care of yourself (don’t make decisions when tired)
6) Make time to think. (you have to practice thinking to think well)
7) Analyze well (ie: learn from your mistakes)

This is a great list – and it’s a long winded way of saying – learn how to think critically.

Here is my way to make better decisions.  I’m not saying don’t do the FastCompany way.  I’m just saying, my way will complement their way and you will have more fun at the same time.

Think of Three.

The biggest fallacy we fall prey to is the false dichotomy. We limit our decision making to either or scenarios.  Either we are awake or we are asleep. Either we eat in or we take out.  Either I date this person or that person.  Our natural tendency to think in duality hinders our decision making.

So the next time you find yourself thinking either or. Think of three.  What are you going to do for dinner, eat in, take out, or .. go out to dinner.  Maybe you can skip dinner and just have dessert!

The point of this is to expand your options so that you don’t limit your solutions to the most obvious choices. Once you open yourself up to the other possible solutions to your problem, you will often find that one of those other options is actually a really good choice and will give you the best chance of success.

The world is not black and white and you should not limit your decision making to only the black and white options.  Think of three and then maybe four or five and then choose the option you think is best given – what’s real, what’s moral and what’s likely to work.

This little trick is easy, it’s fun and it will definitely improve your decision making.

So, which decision making framework do you prefer?  Mine or FastCompany?  Or both – ok there is three again.

Don’t try to parent while tired

Tag Team Parenting is critical to happy parenting.

I try not to parent while tired. When I parent while tired, all my ideals as a parent go out the window. Instead of a happy household where the kid is well behaved and we are laughing and getting stuff done, it devolves into a screaming mess with either me or my son taking a time out. I know I do pretty well because I rarely have to take a time out and neither does my son.  But it does happen. And when it does, no one feels good about what just happened.

As I’m the adult, it’s my responsibility to make a change when things aren't working.  And what I’ve realized is that when I realize I am tired, I need to hand my son off to my husband to handle for me so that he can be the calm rational parent our kid deserves.  Because really, when our son is tired and cranky, having a tired and cranky parent isn’t going to help him calm down.  So – we tag team so that he can, hopefully have a calm parent to care for him..

 I realize that I’m lucky because I’m married and I have a partner parent who I can tag team our kid with.  Many parents are not so lucky. They are it. But as I’ve grown into parenting with my kid, more and more I realize that – it takes a village is really true.

My son has friends in the neighborhood and I do go out and spend time socializing with the other parents as the kids play.  Now, I know what you are thinking, if they are at another parent’s house- free child care!  And I do take advantage of that. But here’s the thing, my fellow parents and I act as a tag team when we need it.  So if one of the neighbors isn’t feeling well, the kids will play at our house. Need to have an uncomfortable conversation with an ex – shuttle the kids off to a neighbor’s house.

This sort of neighborhood tag teaming is only possible if the adults get to know one another and commit to supporting each other as parents so that we can all do better. When there is a behavioral problem with one of the kids, we get together and discuss how to handle it so we are all working together to help the kid cope better and learn to behave better.

Take the time to develop a parenting support network so that when you need someone to take over for you, you have help. You do have to nurture yourself.  Don’t try to parent while tired. It rarely ends well.

Key character building traits

How self-reflection can help you to be a better person.

Socrates once said, “The unexamined life isn’t worth living” Ever wonder what he meant by that?  For me, I know that it is through reflection that I am able to set goals, decide on my morals and realign my goals to my moral objectives in life. As a result, I am happier and more productive than if I just floated through life hoping for the best.

Self-reflection, to me, is an essential Humanist life skill. But if you’ve never done it before, how should you get started?  I’m glad you asked. Kelly Bear, who provides character education and anti-bullying educator for school children, has an excellent list of character thoughts to ponder.  (see: 52 character thoughts http://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip52.html?goback=%2Egde_1874438_member_239847139)

Now, you might be wondering WHY I am providing a list of thoughts for children to think about here for you, since if you are reading this, you are most likely an adult.  The reason is because these are good things to think about for anyone. Age doesn’t matter. What matters is how you think.

If you took one of the 52 character thoughts and pondered one every week for a year and tried to actively manifest that thought in your actions throughout the week, you would probably be a better person at the end of the year.

You would be living more intentionally and ethically and that would feel pretty good.

So, question time, which is your favorite thought and why?