Diversity – Age and Millennials

Diversity has many dimensions. It’s root is difference and how we manage differences between people.

There are so many ways humans differ from one another. Sometimes we differ because of culture, gender, race, religion, age, and economic status.

I want to focus right now on age differences as I was asked about this by a client. If you have a big enough business, you have employees that range from young 20 somethings to people of retirement age.  And the differences between the life experiences of the people in the almost ready to retire group are totally different from those just starting out.

Not only is an older person more likely to be married and own a home, they are also more likely to have grown up without electronics (aside from a tv that probably didn’t have a remote) and had an amazing amount of personal freedom in their childhood along with possible mandatory military service.

Young people just entering the workforce, on the other hand, grew up as digital natives. They didn’t have a lot of freedom as children as their parents were too afraid to let them play outside by themselves. They’ve had no shared experience like military service and they have yet to get married and have kids. (check out the research on millennials here - http://www.pewresearch.org/topics/millennials/)

What you need to know about these “differences” is that they are generalizations.  There is no stereotypical baby boomer and there is no stereotypical millennial. Yes, millennials are more narcissistic than boomers (but not by much. Whereas ~15% of boomers are narcissistic – ~17% of millennials are – which isn’t a really big difference when you think about it).

What I’m trying to say is that do not treat any individual millennial or boomer as if they were stereotypical. They aren’t. They are an individual. And as an individual, they could vary quite a bit from what the “average” person of their age group is said to be like based on the data.

As Steven Pinker states in his book The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature - “Equality is not the empirical claim that all groups of humans are interchangeable; it is the moral principle that individuals should not be judged or constrained by the average properties of their group.”

When faced with diversity of any kind, what you should strive to do is to treat people like the individual they are. Get to know them as individuals and don’t resort to stereotyping them just because they aren’t the same as you.

It’s this last bit that gets to the crux of the problem people have with diversity. We want everyone to be perfect for us. We expect other people to respond to us the way we want them to respond to us.

But, I’ve got news for you. The world doesn’t revolve around you and you are unique. Even within your age cohort, ethnic group, gender etc, there is a tremendous amount of diversity!  Allow other people to be who they are and stop trying to impose your ideas of who they should be on them.

If you allow them to be who they are, they may just surprise you by knowing something you don’t that will help make you a better person and your company more effective. Don’t let the lack of shared cultural experiences throw you off. These other people are still human and still want and need the same things that all humans do. To belong and to be respected.

How to get along with nearly anyone by applying Humanism

My advice for getting along with people is to see them for who they are and not who you assume them or need them to be.

Most of our interactions with other people are egocentric. We see and experience other people through our own lens of experience, and through our own needs.

But other people are fully human. They aren't cardboard cutout walk ons in the movie of your life that stars you. They are the stars of their own movies. So stop trying to make them be someone they aren't. And stop getting mad at them when they fail to be who you needed them to be. Instead, accept them for who they are – flaws and all – and give them the space they need to be themselves.

Humanism encourages us to treat each other as fully human. This helps us treat each other better.

It’s amazing how much this one thing – compassion for others – changes everything.

Let It Be

Allow others to be who they are, even if who they are annoys you.

You aren’t going to get along with everyone. Nor should you expect to. It would be nice if everyone got along but we are all too different. We have different ideas, different experiences, different agendas, different knowledge, and different personalities. We are all different.

Mostly, those differences are a good thing, but they can also be annoying and frustrating, especially when we are trying to get something done and someone as a different opinion.

Beyond that it is also possible that the basic way someone acts can annoy you. Maybe they talk too loud or have an annoying habit that drives you up the wall. It doesn’t matter what it is, if you are to maintain your sanity and deal with them productively, you have to find some way to deal with your annoyance.

I do this by accepting that the other person is who they are. There is a reason they behave as they do and believe the things they do even if I don’t understand it or I think they are wrong.

Most of the reason why we get stressed out and annoyed is because we want them to stop. The question we have to ask ourselves is, would it be beneficial to them to stop, or would it just benefit me. Because if it is just me, then I need to keep it to myself and allow them to be who they are. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with me.

The next question is, assuming it would benefit them to stop, because it is interfering not just with our relationship but with others as well is this – are they capable of or even interested in changing? If so, helping them to learn how to tweak their behaviors slightly would be helpful. If not, then it would be pointless.  How do you know which it is? By approaching them politely and compassionately in a spirit of helpfulness. If you are rebuked and they aren’t interested, let it be.

You can’t change other people. You can make suggestions, but ultimately, they are the ones who have to live with the consequences of their actions and if they are fine with the consequences of being annoying, let it be.

If you are waiting for the annoying people of the world to go away before you can find peace, you are going to wait a very long time. Instead of trying to change other people, focus on the fact that you aren’t as perfect or as wonderful as you should be either. Work on improving yourself and learn how to calm your mind and find peace even amongst the most annoying of people, you will be a better happier person.

To help you with your meditations on this subject, here are The Beatles with Let it Be