Seeing the Beauty of Humanity

Something weird has happened to me lately. I seem to see the beauty in everyone I meet.

I’m a normal human. At least I think I am. I have the same instinctual responses to physical beauty we all have. I look at people and am attracted and repulsed. Some people are physically beautiful and some people are not. Up until recently.

I took my son to an amusement park the other day and ... everyone there was beautiful. Everyone was radiant. Even people I know I would have viewed as “strange looking” before.  It was both an awesome and rather intellectually weird experience. Intellectually I understood that something had changed in me and that I was no longer judging beauty by physical appearances. Emotionally I felt consumed by love.

Imagine feeling like everyone you meet in life is beautiful and amazing. That was what my day was like. It felt great even as I was puzzled by the emotional response I was having to people.

This is one of those enlightened states of being you read about. Some sage has achieved enlightenment and they not only glow, the people around them glow too. Except this was and has been happening to me, in real life. The best way I can describe what this is like is that I feel like I am seeing people's inner beauty superimposed over their outward appearance. It's stunningly beautiful to experience. In fact, I'd describe it as transcendent.

I haven't tried to see people differently. In fact, if you had told me this was something to strive for, I'd have laughed you off as some new age woo peddler. What I’ve tried to do and practice is compassion and honesty and individuality. I try to see the individual in the individuals I cross paths with. And I think this is what created the change in how I see and interpret beauty.

Every person I meet is different. Like the leaves on a tree. They are beautiful in their uniqueness. Even the faces of people in the paper accused of committing crimes look beautiful to me. They are human. Flawed humans, but still human and still ... beautiful.

Seeing beauty everywhere and in every human is a new experience for me. I find I can’t stop smiling at people. I feel surrounded by love pretty much constantly, my love for others, complete strangers. It feels great.

I hesitated writing this post because I didn’t want to sound pompous or egotistical. But I needed to share it because it’s been such a profound change for me and how I experience life that I felt like I would be lying through omission if I didn’t share this.

I didn’t try to seek this higher state of awareness or whatever it is I am experiencing. I only have been seeking to consider the people I meet compassionately. It’s become such a habit that I’m now doing it automatically and that has changed how I see people for the better and in a way that feels fabulous.

I keep saying this. There is a reason every major philosopher and religious teacher throughout history has taught compassion. It’s central to living well. Having such a profound change in how I physically see people feels so overwhelmingly loving that I don’t ever want to stop seeing this compassionate beauty. I am more committed now than ever to the practice of compassion. It’s worth practicing. It really is.

How to talk to people as if they were human

3 tips to improve your interpersonal communications

The problem with being human is that we are pretty much stuck inside our own heads.  From our point of view, the world kind of revolves around us.  All interactions we experience involve us. When people talk to us, we are experiencing only our emotions and how the other person makes us feel. We may be intellectually aware of the other person’s emotions, but what concerns us most, is our own response to what is going on.

This self-centeredness interferes with interpersonal communications and relationships. Why? Because it causes us to misinterpret and misunderstand what the other person is really trying to communicate.  So here are 3 tips to help you improve your interpersonal communications by helping you learn to talk to the other person as if they were actually human.

1) Respect – the other person isn’t you. They are them. Respect their individuality and autonomy.  You don’t know exactly what they are experiencing or why they are experiencing it. If they are emotional, it may be about you, but it may not. Don’t assume you know. They may have had a bad day or gotten bad news. Don’t assume they are reacting to what you are reacting to because they aren’t. They are living in their own little world and if you respect that, you will respect them and you will improve your communications and relationships because people like to be respected. And no, this isn’t something you can fake.


2) Step Back – accept that your understanding of what is going on is flawed. You are experiencing the communication from your point of view. They are experiencing it from their point of view. It is possible to consciously step back from your point of view to actively consider the other person’s point of view. And a rather “magical” thing happens when you do that. You come to understand the other person better and the other person is more likely to feel “heard.” This will again, improve your communications and interpersonal relationships.


3) Compassion – if things are tense, accept that they are. That doesn't mean you have to be tense. In fact, if one person in a conflict de-escalates, it improves the chances that the other person will as well. So, if you find yourself getting angry, have compassion for yourself and remember, it’s OK to be angry. But will that serve you well right now? Probably not. Make a conscious choice to not be the center of the universe for a short period of time and extend your compassion to the other person. This usually helps defuse and de-escalate things, which will work to your advantage. And if it doesn't de-escalate them, because they are so wound up they can’t calm down, you won’t be part of the problem.

Don't Label Me Dude

One of the things I like about Humanism is that it encourages us to respect every person we meet as the individuals they are. Which to me means don't assume you know who a person is just because of some assumed affiliation you think they hold.  When you do that you generalize. And besides, we all know what happens when we make assumptions. We not only make an ass out of ourselves, we are usually wrong.

I bring this up because on Google+ I was just accused by a guy I don't know of equating Humanism with Atheism. For those of you who know me and have read my book, seen my videos or heard me talk, you know that is something I have NEVER done. In fact, I've written pretty extensively on the fact they aren't the same thing.  He just assumed that because I am a vocal Humanist that I equate Humanism with Atheism. As it turns out he has just published a book on Humanism, considers himself a Humanist, and feels like I do about the atheism issue. I am not going to link to his website though because the guy made such an annoying first impression on me by assuming I think things I clearly don't.

The point is that you should never assume to know what someone else thinks. And, if you claim to be a Humanist, you should probably:

A) Try applying your Humanist values of respecting the fact that people are in fact individuals to the people you actually meet. In other words, don't label them dude.

B) Get your facts straight. This guy didn't bother to find out if what he thought was even true. Which means he didn't bother to challenge his own assumptions which led him to make an ass out of himself when it turned out his rather angry and snarky comments to me were unfounded.

C) Don't assume you disagree with someone you've never met. Find out if you do first. And most of all, allow people to surprise you with just how wonderful they really are.