What is Love?

This may be the most often asked question of all time.  It’s also a very popular song.


The questions asked are – is what I’m feeling love and what do I do with my feelings if they aren’t reciprocated?

It’s amazing that we don’t always recognize the emotion we are feeling for someone else as love. We more often just realize we feel differently suddenly. Indians have a term of that Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (something happens).  And yes, there is a beautiful movie by that name and the song is amazing!



The point is that love is confusing. It’s confusing to feel and to experience. It’s overwhelming. It makes you feel great and happy and anxious all at the same time.

Once you realize you are in love, the next question becomes – do they love me back? That question is harder to answer. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. (Khabi Kushi Khabi Gham – Love is sometimes happy, sometimes sad – also an excellent movie and a song I can’t listen to without crying).



What I do know is that love is an amazing emotion to feel. And we don’t get to feel it that often. So when you do – embrace it. Don’t worry about analyzing it. And don’t worry about whether your feelings are reciprocated or not. Just allow yourself to love. Accept the pain as part of the experience of life and love.

The old saying is true. If you love someone, set them free. After all Tomorrow may never come (Kal Ho Naa Ho)



As you can tell by my liberal use of Indian cinema – love and our experience of it is universal. Even when love is painful, embrace it.  And yes I am a huge Shahrukh Khan fan. Who isn't!

Love Explained

Is love chemistry or something else.

Chemistry.com has a wonderful interview with an actual scientist about “love.” What it is, how we experience it and how it is tied to our chemical selves. (http://www.chemistry.com/datingadvice/LoveExplained)

One of the interesting things she mentions is that love is possessive. Not only do we get a cocaine like high when we fall in love, we are focused on the object of our affection and are often possessive about it.  You can fall in lust with many people, but love, it’s a bit more narrow.

Also casual sex does indeed release dopamine and you can accidentally fall in love as a result.

Romantic love is a universal human experience. It isn’t just about sex, mating, procreating and raising kids. It is much more emotionally intense than that.

It’s probably a good idea to wait until the romantic rapture of first meeting starts to wear off before you decide to get married. That way you can assess whether this person’s flaws are things you can live with your not.

Women do indeed create memory trails regarding their partners as a way of checking whether this person is really as supportive as he/she seems. And most men do like to feel useful to their mates.

I don’t wanna say I told you so – but this is pretty much the same things I said in my book The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom on my chapters on dating and relationships.

Also – the above generalizations are not applicable to everyone. They represent averages and not individual people. So treat people as the individuals they are and not as representatives of their gender group whatever that is.