A Guide to Happiness

The search for happiness is a lot like the search for the Holy Grail. We don’t even know what exactly it is we are looking for.

I realize I’m probably the last person to lecture on why seeking happiness is a silly idea. After all, I wrote a book called, The Humanist Approach to Happiness.  Check it out – it’s a good book and your purchase of it will make me, very happy.

Anyway, it seems to me that a big part of the reason people struggle with being happy is because they don’t recognize it when they experience it.  Is happiness the state of being happy?  Is it a state of contented bliss? Can you be happy even when you are sad?  Is it a feeling of pleasure? Or something different?

Because we don’t really know exactly what happiness is, our search for it is elusive.  And this search prevents us from being happy and experiencing bliss.

I think my son has it right. Today he told me. Life is pretty good.  I said, I agreed because it sure beats the alternative. And that is how you find happiness.

Don’t look for it. Appreciate the fact you are alive, despite the odds, despite the problems, you are alive and that sure beats the alternative.  What more exactly were you hoping for?  Life is filled with pleasure and pain. Sadness and joy.

To me, happiness isn’t a feeling, it’s an experience of contentedness and to experience that requires a little bit of reflection, that despite it all, life is pretty good. I don’t need to experience utmost bliss all the time to be happy. I just have to be alive so I can experience bliss when I am lucky enough to experience it.

How do you define happiness?

Happiness Defined

What is happiness and why can’t we agree on what it is if it is so darned important?

Out in Oregon, a nice man named Dave has organized a class on Humanism where people meet every week to discuss how to live life happily as a Humanist. My book, The Humanist Approach to Happiness is being used as a rough guide for the course.

As part of the course, they tried to define happiness for themselves, which is always rather tricky because happiness is so subjective.

Here is what they came up with.

Humanists are concerned with enjoying life, achieving happiness on earth, and in improving the lives of their fellow humans.  As a humanist I enjoy the pleasures of life in moderation, but also seek long-term satisfaction and happiness.  I can achieve more happiness by being responsible for my actions, leading an ethical life, and showing compassion to others.  As I succeed in these, I will become a better person, experience a deeper sense of well-being in my daily life, and help make the world a better place.  

In being ethical, I consider the difference between right and wrong in a host of scenarios and apply those considerations to the moral choices I make in my life.  By being compassionate I help others as much as opportunity and good sense allow.  Being compassionate connects me to every person on earth and makes our world a better place.  In being responsible for my actions I thoughtfully consider the choices I make in my life, based on knowledge and experience.  Being responsible for my choices gives me more control over my life, resulting in more freedom from worry and fear.  With this freedom comes confidence and satisfaction, and a deeper sense of well-being. 

What do you think of their definition of how a Humanist approaches life and the important business of being happy? Do you agree?

What is happiness?

Recent research on what makes people happy. 5 traits of happy people.

Your Morals is a great blog/research site. You can sign up and explore your morals while helping researcher do research on morals, ethics and correlations amongst behaviors.

Recently there was a post about how consumer choices correlate to happiness. (See: http://www.yourmorals.org/blog/2013/03/what-is-happiness-five-characteristics-of-happy-people/)

We all know money can’t buy happiness, but it clearly can to a certain point, after which you get diminishing returns. Regardless, what sorts of spending choices correlate with happiness?

1) Manage money well – think before you spend/act – Don’t act/spend compulsively. Good Humanist advice for life.

2) Spend your money on experiences, not things. Experiences give you memories. Stuff gives you a crowded house.

3) Focus on your happy memories, not the unpleasant ones – this seems obvious.

4) Happy people catch the emotions of others, both the good and the bad. The thing is, by paying attention to other people, you feel more connected and this helps you be more happy.

5) Happy people live in a great community. This section has my favorite quote of the article

“A person is happiest when three basic psychological needs are satisfied: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.”

Autonomy, competence, and relatedness. I would agree with that – though the challenge is how to find the right balance between autonomy and relatedness. For me Humanism is a reminder to seek out that balance.