It’s Not About You!

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I’ve recently released a book on bullying (free on KindleMay 14th & 15th 2012 by the way) and as a result, I’m getting a lot of adults talking to me about their own experiences with bullying. It’s clear that pretty much everyone I know was traumatized by bullying as a kid.

Anyway, one person referred me to the essays at Salon on writers confrontingtheir childhood bullies as adults. What struck me about these essays was that in almost all the cases the bully either didn’t really remember specific instances, though they remember teasing or being mean, and/or they talked about how traumatized they were during the period of time and that they themselves were so overwrought with nervousness, stress or bullying themselves.

These essays validate what I’ve been trying to teach people for years and what is at the heart of my book, The Bully Vaccine. The world does not revolve around you. When someone is mean to you it rarely has anything to do with you. The person being mean has their own issues they are dealing with and those issues are rarely about you. This is why these bullies don’t really remember being mean or bullying . Their experience wasn’t about their victims. It was about them and what they themselves were going through at that time.  They, like everyone else, were kids just trying to survive childhood with all the pressures growing up brings with it.

This tidbit of wisdom has so many important ramifications that I devote 2 ½ chapters of my Happiness book to this concept and my entire Bullying book to it. Let me try to summarize. First, by understanding that a bully’s behavior isn’t about you, even though they are being mean to you, you don’t take what they do personally. If you don’t take it personally, you aren’t hurt by what they are doing. You feel sorry for them instead.  

Whenever someone is mean to you, always remember, it’s not about you!

Helping Japan - as Humanists

Obviously - everyone should be aware of the triple tragedy that hit Japan last weekend. Here are some ways that you can help as a Humanist.

SHARE: Secular Humanists Aid and Relief Effort is collecting money to give to Doctors without Borders. 100% of money donated will be passed through to Doctors without Borders which is a secular organization. Ton donate visit the campaign page at: https://secure3.convio.net/cfi/site/Donation2?df_id=2000&2000.donation=form1&JServSessionIdr004=qlz8k55cm7.app334b

Foundation Beyond Belief: Foundation Beyond Belief has already donated over $5,000 to relief efforts. Their money is being passed through to the Japanese Red Cross - to donate through Foundation Beyond Belief go to: http://foundationbeyondbelief.org/node/681 

Humanist Charities: This project by the American Humanist Association is collecting money for relief efforts in Japan, but is still working with their contacts in the country to decide how best to send direct aid. You can donate to their efforts here: http://www.humanistcharities.org/ Or if you prefer, they also suggest donating to Doctors without Borders and the American Red Cross which are both on the ground already in Japan. Links on their website.

Helping Pakistan

The floods in Pakistan are massive.  About 1/5th of the country has been affected, an area the size of Belgium, Austria and Switzerland combined. At least 1.2 millions homes have been destroyed with the UN reporting that 17.2 million people have been affected, 8.6 million of which are children.  To get a scope of the disaster, consider this.  Already more people have been affected then the Asian Tsunami, and the Haiti and Kashmir earthquakes combined.

According to the latest UNICEF report, the greatest humanitarian needs are: Food, clean water, hygeine, medical supplies and rebuliding of schools.

Humanists are helping by donating through SHARE (the Skeptics and Humanists Aid and Relief Effort), which will forward all donations on to Oxfam which has been active in Pakistan doing relief work for children and women prior to the floods.

The UN's report on the needs assessment for Pakistan is located here: http://www.unicefusa.org/assets/pdf/UNICEF-Immediate-Needs-Document-Pakistan-Flooding-26-August-2010.pdf

If you want to donate directly to the UN relief effort in Pakistan, you may do so here: http://www.unicefusa.org/work/emergencies/flood-relief/?gclid=CMmc_Inn36MCFYNR2godpj9GSA

The important thing is to help.  These are our fellow human beings here. If we are to call ourselves Humanists, we must be willing to act on our compassion for others. Donate today!