Dealing with Difficult People - with love in your heart

When I talk about Humanistic Leadership and Management, I talk about love. This can throw people because very few people think about love in business and when they do, they are often thinking of porn and not love as a business practice.

But let me ask you a question.  How would you change your professional relationships if you approach them with love in your heart?  How would you change your strategies if you approached them with love in your heart?  How would you deal with difficult people if you approached the problem, with love in your heart?

Love is a powerful philosophic approach. It helps give moral clarity and define what ideally should be happening.   

Love isn't just about romance. It is also about passion and compassion.  Thinking about what you value helps you make better decisions and behave better. 

So imagine if you could deal with difficult people – effectively, with dignity and grace and love in your heart. You can – if you use reason and science.  I have been teaching people how to do this for years now. I assure you, you cannot implement the science of how to deal with difficult people, unless you approach them with love and compassion.

Yes, this works. No, it's not crazy. I live this in my daily life and I assure you, it has a profound impact on everything I do.

Want me to teach you more? Here are courses on how to deal with difficult people and improve your interpersonal relationships: https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

In particular I recommend, how to deal with passive aggressive people. This course will help you better understand the connection between a loving mindset and the science. https://humanistlearning.com/passiveaggressivepeople/

Love and Responsibility

The key to taking a humanistic approach is to learn how to love ourselves so that we can love others. 

Love helps us embrace our responsibilities – to ourselves and others. It helps us find the strength to do the hard work required to create positive change in our own lives and the world around us. 

Finally – love makes us demand real science-based solutions to our problems and reject the false promises of charlatans. 

Is it hard to be a humanist?  Not really. Once you start practicing love, you will find that you gain clarity in all aspects of your life. The hardest part, is getting started.

Don't worry, I have a bunch of free video lessons to get you started: https://humanistlearning.com/category/free-2/

And also a life skills course: http://humanistlearning.info/livingmadesimpler1/

And a book: https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/ that has been translated into several languages. 

Try to love people - every day

One of my LinkedIn friends asked what I thought was a very profound question the other day. What are you doing that nobody else is doing?

This was a marketing question - he said "In order to set yourself apart, you have to be memorable and remarkable. What do you do on a daily basis that truly makes you stand out?" 

He then added the hashtags - #fulfillment #meaning #purpose #journeytocloudnine #happiness
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6631509485858889728/

I didn't hesitate to answer: I teach people how to make bullying and harassment stop using science and compassion. And I love this question.  The thing I try to do every day - is love. Myself, my family and my friends and the people I come in contact with.  I try to make people feel loved.  My grandma told me when I was young - that I was put on this earth to love people - and that is what I've tried to do ever since.

And then I realized - all this time I've been burying my lede.  I have been telling people what I can do for them - but not WHY I teach what I teach.

Everything I do and teach is grounded in love and is done out of love and is about promoting love.

• Stopping bullying, it is about love. 
• Humanistic management? It’s about love.  
• Teaching people humanistic philosophy – it’s about love. 

Everything – is about love. It’s my core motivation for everything.

I feel like I’ve had an epiphany. So watch my website - I am literally going to go through all my marketing materials – and make the concept of love – front and center. 

https://humanistlearning.com/

What is true love?

Is there such a thing as true love? If so, should you seek it out?

I’m a Humanist, which means that I’m both a realist and an optimist. I don’t believe in true love, but I know that I am truly in love with my husband.  Why does this distinction matter?  Because, if you are seeking true love, you might miss out on a truly amazing love.

Love doesn’t always knock us off our feet. Sometimes it sneaks up on us and takes us by surprise.  If you are waiting for a magical moment that you will somehow just know this is right, you will be waiting for a long time because not only is there no such thing as magic, we don’t have soul mates either.

There is no guiding force steering us to a perfect true love.  We have chance encounters with a variety of people some of whom we find attractive. If we are lucky, some of them will find us attractive too and out of those, we may be lucky enough to find a few people we are compatible with.

Luck has a lot to do with love. Not supernatural luck. Random luck.

This is not an essay about compromise. It’s an essay about real love as opposed to true love. Don’t let your fantasies about true love prevent you from finding a real love. If you are lucky enough to find someone you like a lot and with whom you are compatible, actively nurture your love and respect for each other. Don’t wait for magic to intervene.

Being Reasonable About Love

Being realistic and rational about love doesn’t diminish the intense emotional experience that it love. It simply enhances it and makes it better. Unless of course, you love a complete jerk, in which case being rational will help you find someone better. 

Valentine’s Day is this week. This is a rather stressful holiday for many people. It shouldn’t be like that. Love is supposed to be a wonderfully blissful emotion. Except that it isn’t. It’s intense and it can come with all sorts of other emotions that may or may not make for a blissful happy life.

I am a Humanist so I take a rational and realistic approach to love and I am better for it. I am currently in a wonderful relationship (marriage) with a wonderful man. To get here, I had to be rational about love.  I realize this may seem counter intuitive, because most people want to be swept away by love.

Let me explain WHY being rational helped me to find the happiness of love and avoid the heartaches. At one point in my life I fell in love with a very sick man. The relationship was incredibly toxic to me. It was only by being rational (and seeking some professional assistance in the form of a therapist and a restraining order) that I was able to exit that relationship and find another that was healthier for me.

If you want a good relationship which will contribute to your overall wellbeing, you need to find someone who you can not only love, but who will be good for you as well. To do that you need to be rational and realistic about what constitutes a good relationship. Relationships aren’t just about emotions, though those are important. They are also practical partnerships and you need someone who is willing and able to be responsible for their part of the partnership.

Love is the emotion that makes me want to be responsible to my relationships. My reason and rationality is what helps me to actually be responsible. Reason and rationality also helped me choose the right person to commit to so that I had a good partner I can trust. This allows me to enjoy all the blessings of the amazing emotion that is love without the heartache that so often accompanies it.

I don’t see love and reason as incompatible. I see them as combining to enhance what is good in my life. Do you have a story about love and reason? Please share!