Showing posts with label how to overcome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how to overcome. Show all posts

Conditioning and Choices

Humans have the ability to choose whether the conditions we find ourselves in will condition us.

I was reading Viktor Frankel’s book The Unheard Cry for Meaning: Psychotherapy and Humanism (Touchstone Books). In one chapter he talks about how our situations condition us but that as humans we have the ability to choose whether the conditions we find ourselves in will condition us.

I wanted to share this with you because understanding how animals, including human animals are conditioned by the conditions around them helps us better choose whether or not to allow that conditioning to occur. This is why pretty much all my courses at Humanist Learning Systems are about how to manage and control behavioral conditioning so that you can recognize it when it is happening and control the process and thereby gain control over your life!

So let’s start with what conditioning is. Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response. To give you an example of what this mean in a practical way:  if you train a dog to sit when you say sit, you have “conditioned” it to respond this way to the stimulus of your command and you did this by reinforcing the behavior you wanted by rewarding your dog either with a treat or with love every time they sat when you said sit.

This sort of active intentional conditioning is called operant conditioning because it involves the conscious use of rewards to create a specific behavior by an operator.

However, that’s not the only way conditioning occurs. It also occurs without us knowing or intending for it to happen. For example, PTSD  - is a conditioned response to a traumatic stimulus. No one chooses to get PTSD – it happens because of our natural responses to the conditions around us.

Once you understand how these rewards and reinforcements work, you can see them happening in your own life all around you and in how you respond to what’s happening around you.  And, when you can see it, you can control it. Which is why – we humans have the ability to choose whether or not the conditions we find ourselves in condition us or not. But the only way to exercise that choice – is to be conscious you have a choice.

Knowledge and wisdom really is the key to everything.  Once you realize you have a choice, it changes everything. How you respond to interpersonal situations and how you respond to situations beyond your control.  I liken this to becoming like Neo in the movie The Matrix. It really is astounding how much control we really do have. Is that control absolute? No – but it’s still pretty powerful.

To learn more – consider taking some of my courses at Humanist Learning Systems. Specifically:


All of these courses will give you a basic understanding of how conditioning works so you can be more conscious of your choices.

Overcoming Cynicism

How to be a skeptic without becoming a cynic.


The two go together in most people’s mind. People who are skeptics are often seen as annoyingly cynical.  No good news can be delivered without the cynic/skeptic throwing a big pile of doubt into the mix, ruining the good feelings of everyone.

But it doesn't have to be that way.  Doubt is a wonderful thing. Don’t get me wrong. Doubting helps ensure you find out whether what you think you know is really so. Good skeptics work very hard at figuring out what is true and what is false.  We don’t do this because we are cynics. We do this because we are optimistic we can figure out what is fact and what is fiction. In this way, doubt and skepticism are very optimistic activities.

But doing doubt well takes skill.  It takes hard work.  This is why its way easier to be a cynic.  A cynic doubts and distrusts everything. They get to appear intelligent and smart, but they are taking a shortcut by doubting everything. What they need to learn to do is to doubt their doubt.  Because while everything may not be coming up roses, that doesn't mean that everything is going to hell in a hand basket either.  As usual, the truth lies somewhere in between.

The thing I get the impression most people are cynical about is other people. At least, that’s what’s expressed to me the most. People don’t trust other people and so when I tell them they can fix a lot of their interpersonal conflicts by being compassionate with other people, they are skeptical. But really, the problem is that they are cynical. They just don’t think that other people can be trusted. Or, they are afraid of other people. Either way, they aren't willing to risk extending themselves in compassion to others. 

And that’s a shame, because most people are good people. They are nice and you actually can trust them. The fact that there are jerks among us who you can’t trust doesn't mean that everyone can’t be trusted. That’s a cynic’s shortcut to avoid having to think. Most people can be trusted and there are plenty of studies that back that up (Here’s one for example: http://www.wallettest.com/Lost_Wallet_Test/Results_Page.html)

So instead of being cynical, why not be skeptical of your “reasons” for being cynical. Why not give the other person the benefit of the doubt and see whether they are among the majority who can be trusted instead of assuming they can’t be trusted just because of you are afraid. (Though clearly, according to that study – you do need to watch your wallet around young men – once they grow up though – they become as honest as the rest of us).


Anyway – if the stats don’t convince you to trust your fellow humans and give them the benefit of the doubt, consider this. How do you want to be treated? Do you want to be given the benefit of the doubt? I know I do.  So step outside your comfort zone and take a chance on your fellow humans. After all, isn't that what being a Humanist is all about?

Secular Recovery Resources

Why recovering from addiction without religion is so important.

Not everyone who is addicted to drugs, alcohol or whatever is religious. And this turns out to be a problem because the most common addiction program is faith based.  The other kind of rather important problem with AA formatted faith based groups is that they don’t really work.

It turns out they are faith based, not science based. This isn't to say that people don’t get sober after joining these groups, they do. It’s just that the efficacy of this groups hasn't been proven. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16856072?ordinalpos=4&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum) 

No treatment seems to be as effective as treatment.  According to Harvard – lots of people just “get over it” and stop being addicted – or self treat. (see: http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html - for a run down of all this research).  The real problem is that people who go through AA are more likely to binge drink when they fall off the wagon – and the rate they do so is higher than people who have no treatment at all, which means, these faith based programs aren't just not effective, they are counterproductive.

So, what’s a good science minded addict to do? Self treat?  Well, sure, you can and most people do – successfully. But if you are looking for help – go with Rational Behavior Therapy – or RBT for short.  It has better outcomes than no treatment.

Here are some secular RBT type recovery groups to choose from. This list is taken from:  http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/resources/recovery/rational_and_secular







Thought Holes and the Value of Freethought


How to overcome adversity with critical thinking.



There is a great article over at edutopia on thought holes - http://www.edutopia.org/blog/SEL-filling-in-thought-holes-renee-jain

What I like about it is that it is actually a lesson in critical and creative thinking. Basically, the article talks about how our perception of reality is distorted and how those distortions affect our moods, thoughts, actions etc. If we have a negative distortion that we believe is true, even when it isn’t, it can cause us to do stupid things and that would be bad.

The article then goes on to identify 8 common thought holes or distortions and suggests correcting them by doing 3 Cs:

• Checking to see if you have entered a thought hole

• Collecting evidences to see if it is a thought hole and if it is

• Challenging your original thoughts

I am a Humanist and Humanists engage in freethought. Freethought is a way to challenge our thinking because our thinking is biased and it can cause us to make mistakes. By actively checking and challenging your thoughts and testing them against reality, you can avoid mistakes. And that’s always a good thing. This is why Humanists are always going on and on about the necessity of critical thinking and freethought.

The good news is that doing this works. It works really well. Check to see if you made a mistake in your thinking; collect evidence to verify whether you have or not and if you have, challenge the incorrect thoughts and replace them with more accurate ones. That’s pretty much freethought in a nutshell.

The next time you start thinking that you aren’t good enough and that no one likes you so you might as well go eat some worms, think again. You may just find that the adversity you were working so hard to overcome didn’t really exist in the first place.

Question: Which of the fallacy (ie: thought holes) do you fall prey to most often? Personally, I tend to mentally filter.



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