Why good intentions lead to bad outcomes

Having good intentions is not enough. Lots of bad things happen because people with good intentions - end up causing harm. How can we ensure that our good intentions will lead to good outcomes? 

Most people are good - or think of themselves as good. We are all the heroes of our own stories.  If we did something, it must be good.

The reality is: even well people with good intentions sometimes do harm.   Wanting to be good - is only half of being good. The second part is actually doing good things.

What is good? Helping people and reducing suffering. 

To actually do good - you must do good things. To do good things you must know what things you do are good and which are bad or not good.

This requires thinking and personal responsibility.   If someone tells you - you hurt them - it doesn't matter what your intention was, it matters that - despite your good intentions - someone was harmed.

Good people learn from their mistakes and work to fix them. 

Bad Information Leads to Bad Outcomes

My father was a computer programmer. He used to tell me - garbage in, garbage out. If you don't know what is true, or if what you think is true - is actually a lie - you can be manipulated into doing bad things for good reasons.  You may think you are helping, but you are hurting, because - you believe a lie.

And again - it doesn't matter what your intention is - it matters whether you helped people or harmed them. 

Propagandists use our good intentions to cause people to do bad things. We must all be vigilant against such manipulations, which is why Humanists are so intent on teaching people critical thinking skills.  Critical thinking helps people avoid common thinking mistakes and helps us learn what is true and what is false so that - we don't accidentally cause harm through our ignorance. 

Compassion Matters:

We humans take mental short cuts all the time. And part of those short cuts is that - if people disagree with us - instead of listening to them tell us why we are wrong - we assume we are right and they are wrong and they not only have nothing to teach us but that they are now our enemies for disagreeing with us.

When written out like this - it's easy to see why this is a mistake. It's much harder to recognize when you are in the moment.

How do I get past this?  With compassion. Anytime anyone disagrees with me - I have compassion for myself so that I don't allow my instinctual emotions to get away from me. I extend my compassion to the other person so that I can see that maybe they are giving me constructive criticism to help me. This helps me accept the information I don't like.  And finally - I have compassion for the people who are impacted by my behavior. This helps me focus on my ultimate goal - doing good - not just wanting to do good. 

To recap - the way to make sure your good intentions lead to good outcomes is:

1. Desire to do good
2. Understanding the truth so you can choose good outcomes
3. Exercising compassion with yourself and others - so you can correct your behavior if it turns out you made a mistake. 

Learn more:

Pretty much every course I teach on Humanist Learning Systems - teaches this methodology. Whether this is for your personal development or professional development. It's worth learning and practicing these skills. Because - wanting to do good is not enough. You have to actually do good things to be good. 

https://humanistlearning.com/jennifer-hancock/

How do I practice humanism?

The simple answer is - try to be a good person. That’s pretty much it.

In all decisions you make - take time to think of what the ethical/good thing to do is - then try to do that.

Frustrated in a store - take a moment to think about what a good outcome would be - and try to do that.

In an argument with someone? Think of how you can change what you are doing - to get a better outcome -not just for yourself, but for them as well.

In business? Thinking through a strategic problem? Think about what a good ethical solution would be - then do that.

Just - try to be a good person.

Humanism has no dogma. We have not prescriptions or rituals or required behaviors. All that Humanism is - is a commitment to try to put our reason and compassion into action.

Here is a list of our commitments - Living Humanist Values: The Ten Commitments - TheHumanist.com

Don’t Let Them Bully You

Stick to your values.

Sometimes it seems like the entire world is made up of unethical people.  People who are out for themselves and who are taking unethical short cuts. If you want to get ahead, do you need to take shortcuts too?

No!

If you have to be talked into doing something, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. This goes for jobs, sex, relationships, investment opportunities and more.   Business ethics are personal ethics.  If something isn’t right to you, it isn’t right. So don’t let people bully you or try to convince you that your ethical instincts are wrong.

Do be open to learning new facts, but if the facts seem unethical to you, they are probably unethical.

And if you really are dealing with bullies, ethical or otherwise, learn how to get them to leave you alone using science with the book: The Bully Vaccine - https://humanistlearning.com/the-bully-vaccine-book/

Who do you want to be?

A better question is: what sort of person do you want to be?

We all have a self image. We see ourselves as a certain sort of person.  Usually, we are the heros of any story or conflict. We are doing good, or what we think is good. Most of us value compassion, honesty and ethical behavior.

But how many of us really live up to our values in the day to day struggle of living? Do you cut corners?  Are you compassionate with the people in front of you at the supermarket?  Do you cheat on your taxes?  How about telling little white lies to get a discount somewhere?

We all take short cuts in our daily lives.  What I want you to consider is why?  And whether you should continue.

Who do you want to be? Really. What is it you value? Then I want you to ask yourself when confronted with ethical dilemmas, what would the ideal you do in this situation?  Once you know the answer to that question, you know what you should do.

There is nothing stopping you from being a better you except you. So don’t take short cuts. Chose to do the right thing.

If you find you are having trouble changing, consider learning more about the science of how behaviors are changed. It really can help: https://humanistlearning.com/change1/

Protecting your reputation

When being a good person isn’t enough.

I consider myself to be a good person. Like everyone, I have my moments where I’m not the kind compassionate person I am normally, but those are the exception, not the rule. Our reputations in the workplace impact how we interact with our co-workers and what sorts of promotion opportunities we are given or if we are given them at all.

To make matters worse, in every walk of life there are people who will try to destroy your reputation. For whatever reason they just decide that you are a problem for them and they either spread rumors or lie or bully or demean. All of these tactics have the same goal, to get other people to not trust you or look up to you so that the bully can get access to the resources that would normally go to you. They now go to them.

It isn’t enough to be nice in these situations. Yes, you do have to be nice, but being nice doesn’t mean not protecting your reputation.  But how you do that will impact how other people perceive you.
If you fight back, you are just as bad as the bully.

If you do nothing, you are meek and weak.

The sweet spot is to stand up for yourself professionally.  You can do this in a way that makes it clear you won’t tolerate bad behavior, but that you aren’t the problem and you aren’t contributing to the problem.

When people attack our reputations, it is startling. We aren’t sure whether other people believe us or the person smearing us.  When I counsel people on how to get through this they are amazed that I tell them they don’t have to defend themselves for smears. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean getting into an argument about whether or not you are horrid. You aren’t, so you don’t need to defend that.

What you need to do is make sure that you don’t cocoon yourself. If you are attacked directly have something prepared to say that is polite but makes it clear that rumor mongering isn’t tolerated. Something like – in this office we treat people with respect. And smile and make eye contact. It’s now the other person’s move. You haven’t attacked them, just reminded them what a professional interaction is like.

If they are accusing you of not getting things done, start covering your patootie. Put out memos of what you understand the verbal agreements to be. And then follow through.  It won’t take long for the people around you to notice that you are behaving and the other person is not.

Finally, don’t assume that just because your co-workers don’t stand up for you that they believe the bully. People have been conditioned since childhood to keep their heads down around a bully. When you stand up for yourself, people will notice. Trust that they can see what you can see.

If you want to learn more – consider reading my book: The Bully Vaccine or taking my online video course – Ending Harassment & Retaliation in the Workplace.

A Humanist Revolution

What are the origins of Humanism? Is Humanism a response to religion? A response to naturalism? An outgrowth of ethical reasoning? The answer is yes. And no. To all of them.

Ryan Bell wrote an article critiquing an article that claims secular Humanism grew out of Christianity.  See: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/yearwithoutgod/2015/12/30/a-humanist-revolution/ Ryan is correct to rebut this claim.

Humanism predates Christianity and while western Humanism may have grown out of or been influenced by Christianity, other forms of Humanism can also claim to have grown out of the respective dominant religious traditions present in the culture at the time the Humanist tradition emerged in that culture.