Tips to Deal with Conflicts

Ways to deal with conflicts.

Compassion:  A lot of conflict is a result of holding people to impossible standards. Viewing the other person with compassion will help ensure that when a problem arises, you don’t attack in an attempt to fix the problem. Rather you understand that problems happen and work in a collaborative way to resolve the problem.

Don’t get drawn into the drama. If the other person is freaking out – don’t join them. You can listen and be present without it being about you – even if it is directed at you. If the other person is responding to a problem with anger and frustration - accept that that is where they are and respond in a polite, calm, professional way. Focus on problem solving and not on the conflict. This doesn’t mean allowing the other person to walk all over you. It’s more about standing your ground in a compassionate, respectful way – while still working to solve the underlying problem.


Note of caution. These techniques won’t work if the problem isn’t a conflict, but is instead bullying.


I teach how to de-escalate conflicts using behavioral science. Available as a certified online course:  https://humanistlearning.com/de-escalate-conflicts/ or as a book, ebook or audio book: https://amzn.to/2tkbl2q  or as a streaming video or DVD:  https://amzn.to/2MCaIdM

I also teach: How to handle cranky customers, using the same behavioral science techniques: https://humanistlearning.com/crankycustomers/

And why conflict resolution doesn’t work when the problem is bullying. https://humanistlearning.com/conflictresolution/

My courses are online at: https://humanistlearning.com

Why don't we stand up for ourselves?

3 tools of empowerment. How knowledge and training can help you overcome your worst fears. 

It isn’t that we are meek. It is more that we just don’t like conflict. Most of us would rather avoid conflict than stand up for ourselves. And, honestly, most of the time this strategy works because most conflicts are over really rather stupid things and walking away from the conflict is the smartest thing you can do.

However, sometimes, it’s not.  Sometimes avoiding conflict makes us feel like cowards. This is especially true when dealing with a bully or someone who is causing harm to others. Knowing what the right thing to do is in any given situation isn’t easy. That’s why we all stress over it.  For instance, the other day, I called the police about a domestic disturbance in the neighborhood. Several neighbors and I were discussing whether we should call the police or not and that is when I decided it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t a violent conflict, but I realized that if it had us all worried, that it was better to err on the side of caution rather than waiting to see how things played out.

Standing up for yourself and others is never easy, but there are ways you can empower yourself to do the right thing. 

• Make it your responsibility. Don’t wait for other people to come and save you or save that other person. Help won’t come unless it is requested. So request help. Choosing to be responsible is often all it takes to overcome your fears and spur yourself into action.

• Get educated. Know what your options are. Many times we are stuck and allow things to continue because we just don’t know what the alternative is. If something is bothering you, find out what those alternatives are so that you give yourself options.

•  Get trained. Knowing what to say, how to say it, when to intervene, or when to ask for help is key.  For instance, knowing CPR empowers you to save a life, if necessary. Knowing what to say to a bully and how to say it empowers you to stand up, not only for yourself but for others.

The point is, don’t just continue to suffer and feel sorry for yourself or feel bad that you didn’t act when you know in your heart you should have. Make it your responsibility to learn what you need to know in order to not sit idly by the next time it happens.

Have you ever regretted not standing up for someone or for yourself? What did you do to empower yourself? Share your story. Help us all learn how to do and be better.