Happiness in the moment

While our moment-to-moment happiness depends on how we are treated by others, our larger sense of purpose in life is our own doing.

There was a recent study about every day morality – see report on it at: http://www.yourmorals.org/blog/2014/09/some-good-news-about-everyday-moral-life/

What they found is that people receive and commit more moral acts than immoral acts, but we are twice as likely to hear about immoral acts. Something we all know but it’s nice to have it validated by actual data.

The other big finding is that if you are a recipient of a moral act, you are more likely to act morally yourself within the next hour.  This is something the scientists call “moral contagion.” In other words, being kind encourages more kindness in the world.

What has this got to do with happiness?  Well, it turns out that being treated morally increases our happiness. No surprise there. But when you combine this with acting morally encouraging more moral behavior, you start to see the scientific underpinnings of the golden rule. You behave well because it encourages other people to behave well and when other people behave well towards you, it makes you feel happy.

What is really interesting is people who behave morally experience a big increase in their sense of purpose in life. Having a larger sense of purpose in your life not only feels good, it reduces stress improves your health and increases your lifespan. (see: http://magazine.ucla.edu/exclusives/sense-of-purpose-makes-you-happy-and-healthy/)

Apparently science backs up the Humanist approach to life. Be a good person, help other people be good too.

For more read my book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness: http://happiness.jen-hancock.com/ 

What makes us happy, over a lifetime?

Acceptance, humility, and compassion.

A researcher at Harvard named George Valliant, has overseen a longitudinal study of several young men over the course of their lives. This study has been going on for 72 years now. (see a fabulous but long Atlantic article on this at: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/06/what-makes-us-happy/307439/?single_page=true)

My favorite quote from the article is in the conclusion:

“Only with patience and tenderness might a person surrender his barbed armor for a softer shield. Perhaps in this, I thought, lies the key to the good life—not rules to follow, nor problems to avoid, but an engaged humility, an earnest acceptance of life’s pains and promises.”

The basic conclusion is that negative adaptations, that protect you from emotional harm in the short term, rob you of happiness in the long term.  That opening yourself up to potential hurt, though compassion and being open, yields better results over the course of a life time.  It strikes me that the same is true of playing the stock market – play the long game – and you do better than if you play the short odds, which are way more stressful anyway.

What I like about this conclusion is that it fits nicely with the conclusions of Humanism.  Be compassionate with yourselves and others and be open to experience and be engaged with life in a humble way – accepting all it’s pain and promise. 

Sounds a lot like Humanism to me, but maybe I suffer from confirmation bias.

The other good news from this study is that if you're a miserable person without the life management skills to be authentically happy, or to sustain sincere and loving relationships, you probably don't have to stay that way.  You can learn how to approach life differently. Many of the study subjects did just that.

If you are miserable, seek help and be humble enough to learn how to respond to life differently. The effort is worth it.  (And check out my – Humanist Approach to Happiness course at: http://humanisthappiness.com/ - you’ll be glad you did.)

10 Happiness Tips

10 things scientists have learned about the science of happiness.

It isn’t so much that I doubt that there is an afterlife (though I’m pretty sure this life is all I get), it is more that even if there is an afterlife, if I don’t live this life fully, what business do I have wishing for another one. The way I see it, even if there is an afterlife, I should still do this life justice by living it fully and happily. 

This is a recurring theme for pretty much every Humanist I have ever met. We are pretty convinced this life is all we get so we aren’t going to waste it. We are going to embrace it and experience it fully.

The real question is, how to make the best of it. Life is hard and difficult. How do we keep from falling into despair? More importantly, how do we appreciate and find happiness with our life, such as it is. 

It turns out that scientists have turned their attention to the topic of happiness and what contributes to happiness. Humanists are inclined to favor a scientific viewpoint as at least having some research and evidence for it. Yes! published a list of 10 things scientists say will help make you happy: http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/sustainable-happiness/10-things-science-says-will-make-you  I love this list as it reflect quite a bit of what I teach. It’s always nice when science backs you up.

For those of you who don’t like to click through the links – here is what the list is

1. Savor the moment. Not all the time, but make sure to take the time now and again to pause and appreciate what is happening or reflect on the little things that bring you joy.  Happiness is something that occurs during reflection so this is important.
2. Avoid comparing yourself to others. I write about this in my book The Humanist Approach to Happiness. Don’t keep up with the Joneses. You will go broke trying and you can’t buy happiness anyway.
3. Value something other than money. Money is important but if you judge your self-worth through what you own, your self-worth is very shallow. Have more depth to who you are and how you define yourself.
4. Goals: Having something to work towards is essential. Doesn’t matter what it is, just have something you are working towards. It will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
5. Initiative – Taking responsibility to get things done feels good. Take the initiative, don’t wait for others to take the lead.
6. Relationships – we are social animals and we need other people to feel secure. Nurture close relationships and treat them well. A bunch of shallow friends don’t give you the same benefits that close friends and family do.
7. Smile: Even when you are feeling down, if you take the time to think of something positive you can refocus your energy into doing something productive to fix your problem, which is way better than wallowing endlessly.
8. Gratitude: Feelings of happiness occur most often during reflection. By reflecting on those things that you are grateful for, you a) remind yourself of what is positive in your life and you give yourself an opportunity to feel happy at the same time.
9. Exercise – health benefits, feel good endorphins, a sense of accomplishment that you actually got your fat ass off the couch – yeah – use your body for good. Get out an exercise.
10. Altruism – Volunteer, donate, make it a habit and a practice. Getting what is known as a helper’s high is well worth it.

What do you to do experience more happiness in your life? Do you have any rituals? Any simple task that you find joy in? Do you agree with this list?