Creating Happier Workplaces

 Wouldn't it be nice if your workplace was both happy and productive? Without being - toxically happy. And yes, toxic positivity is a thing and it really is toxic. The idea that you need to be happy all the time, is performance, not happiness.

I was talking to some colleagues on a board meeting I participated in. And I talked about how happy participating in the group makes me. And the work I do for them, doesn't feel like work because it's so fun.  One of my colleagues remarked that where she is, if you appear to be having fun, they don't think you are working hard enough. I felt so bad for her.

Work should be fun and can be fun. People who cultivate a harried, put upon sense of self, that they are so busy they just can't, are hurting themselves and others. Happiness is hard to come by.

One of my favorite quotes is by Robert Louis Stevenson. He said, "There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy, we sow anonymous benefits upon the world, which remain unknown even to ourselves, or when they are disclosed, surprise nobody so much as the benefactor."

Think about the people you interact with throughout the day. If a barista is happy, it helps make you happy. You share in the joy, it helps you feel connected to another human, no matter how briefly. We should be encouraging happiness as a norm. Not as an oppressive performative norm, but just - it's ok to be happy. Being happy is precious.

Now to blow your mind. The way to create such a culture is, paradoxically, to allow for unhappiness. To share in people's struggles as well as their joys. No one is happy all the time. Life can be hard. This is why the sharing of happiness and the sharing of struggles is so important to creating a good work community. Making space for people to be fully messily human, allows people to share their emotions (good or bad) and to experience the connections that help us feel safe. And that, helps create happiness.

If you want to learn more - my video program - Creating Happier Workplaces Using Humanism and Science is now available for free streaming at: https://vimeo.com/747308545

What makes us happy, over a lifetime?

Acceptance, humility, and compassion.

A researcher at Harvard named George Valliant, has overseen a longitudinal study of several young men over the course of their lives. This study has been going on for 72 years now. (see a fabulous but long Atlantic article on this at: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/06/what-makes-us-happy/307439/?single_page=true)

My favorite quote from the article is in the conclusion:

“Only with patience and tenderness might a person surrender his barbed armor for a softer shield. Perhaps in this, I thought, lies the key to the good life—not rules to follow, nor problems to avoid, but an engaged humility, an earnest acceptance of life’s pains and promises.”

The basic conclusion is that negative adaptations, that protect you from emotional harm in the short term, rob you of happiness in the long term.  That opening yourself up to potential hurt, though compassion and being open, yields better results over the course of a life time.  It strikes me that the same is true of playing the stock market – play the long game – and you do better than if you play the short odds, which are way more stressful anyway.

What I like about this conclusion is that it fits nicely with the conclusions of Humanism.  Be compassionate with yourselves and others and be open to experience and be engaged with life in a humble way – accepting all it’s pain and promise. 

Sounds a lot like Humanism to me, but maybe I suffer from confirmation bias.

The other good news from this study is that if you're a miserable person without the life management skills to be authentically happy, or to sustain sincere and loving relationships, you probably don't have to stay that way.  You can learn how to approach life differently. Many of the study subjects did just that.

If you are miserable, seek help and be humble enough to learn how to respond to life differently. The effort is worth it.  (And check out my – Humanist Approach to Happiness course at: http://humanisthappiness.com/ - you’ll be glad you did.)

Authentic Happiness

Are you truly happy? Or do you just think you are?

What is the difference between happiness and wellbeing? Does the different matter?  To a Humanist it does.

My books are about happiness, from a Humanist perspective, but actually happiness is an inadequate word. As one of my late friends once said, he isn’t aiming for happiness, he is aiming for contentment. Other Humanists, like the late Paul Kurtz, preferred the word eudemonia (which is a Greek word that roughly translates as human flourishing).

Whatever this thing is that we call happiness, it’s clearly anything but simple. It’s one of those, “you know it when you experience it” sort of things. The problem is that most people have never truly experienced it, which is why there are all sorts of self-help coaches out there teaching “how to be happy” or authentic happiness. There is also a ton of research into how to be happy that has been conducted by the positive psychology movement, which sounds a lot more cultier than it actually is.

What is interesting to me is that Marty Seligman – who is one of the founders of the positive psychology movement has decided (in the last couple of years), that his authentic happiness theory isn’t complete and that what we should be aiming for wellbeing instead.

To have wellbeing he says you need 5 things:

• Positive emotion (of which happiness and life satisfaction are all aspects)
• Engagement
• Relationships
• Meaning and purpose
• Accomplishment

According to Seligman “The goal of positive psychology in well-being theory ... is to increase the amount of flourishing in your own life and on the planet.” Sounds like Humanism to me.

To learn more read an excerpt from his book at: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletter.aspx?id=1533

And participate in his online research program into happiness by filling out some questionnaires. http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx

View a video of Seligman speaking on his theory of wellbeing - http://www.amareway.org/holisticliving/01/martin-seligman-on-flourishing-us-zeitgeist-2010/

Or get his book: Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being