Don’t judge yourself by others – especially when it comes to sex.
I wanted to address this because I get asked about it a lot. when it comes to our sexuality and sexual express, we humans do a lot of comparing and contrasting. Are we attractive? How much sex do we get? How much should we get? How much are they getting? How come everyone is having sex but me? Is there something wrong with me if I am not interested in sex?
I am not a psychologist – so I can’t answer those questions for you. What I can tell you is that from a Humanist perspective – worrying about sex seems really counterproductive. Normal – but counterproductive. Why? Because everyone is different. Everyone has different likes and desires and libidos and biology. I know my own desire rises and falls with my monthly cycle. To me – that seems pretty normal. It’s a cycle.
To give you a better perspective on how Humanists think about sex, I’m including a link to the Sexual Bill of Rights and Responsibilities published by the American Humanist Association back in the 1970s to give you an idea of our philosophic orientation to the subject. http://aldeilis.net/english/a-new-bill-of-sexual-rights-and-responsibilities/
We are very lucky to live in a time where prohibitions about sex are minimal - or at least a lot less than it used to be though – apparently the free world is still worried about what women wear to the beach (Burkini’s are causing an uproar!). What this also means though is that we get a lot more information than we used to about how other people do sex and relate to sex and have sex and how many people they are having sex with.
And then there is porn, which may or may not depict realistic scenarios about how people come to engage in sex and what people may or may not like while having sex. In other words, most of what consider porn is a form of fiction. Which is fine as far as it goes.
A lot of our worry has to do with knowing what is normal for sex. And that is something that science can help you with. So – to get you started, I’m going to link you to some resources from Marty Klein, a Humanist who also happens to be a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. He is considered an expert in the field and has aimed his entire career toward a single set of goals: telling the truth about sexuality, helping people feel sexually adequate & powerful, and supporting the healthy sexual expression and exploration of women and men.
I wanted to address this because I get asked about it a lot. when it comes to our sexuality and sexual express, we humans do a lot of comparing and contrasting. Are we attractive? How much sex do we get? How much should we get? How much are they getting? How come everyone is having sex but me? Is there something wrong with me if I am not interested in sex?
I am not a psychologist – so I can’t answer those questions for you. What I can tell you is that from a Humanist perspective – worrying about sex seems really counterproductive. Normal – but counterproductive. Why? Because everyone is different. Everyone has different likes and desires and libidos and biology. I know my own desire rises and falls with my monthly cycle. To me – that seems pretty normal. It’s a cycle.
To give you a better perspective on how Humanists think about sex, I’m including a link to the Sexual Bill of Rights and Responsibilities published by the American Humanist Association back in the 1970s to give you an idea of our philosophic orientation to the subject. http://aldeilis.net/english/a-new-bill-of-sexual-rights-and-responsibilities/
We are very lucky to live in a time where prohibitions about sex are minimal - or at least a lot less than it used to be though – apparently the free world is still worried about what women wear to the beach (Burkini’s are causing an uproar!). What this also means though is that we get a lot more information than we used to about how other people do sex and relate to sex and have sex and how many people they are having sex with.
And then there is porn, which may or may not depict realistic scenarios about how people come to engage in sex and what people may or may not like while having sex. In other words, most of what consider porn is a form of fiction. Which is fine as far as it goes.
A lot of our worry has to do with knowing what is normal for sex. And that is something that science can help you with. So – to get you started, I’m going to link you to some resources from Marty Klein, a Humanist who also happens to be a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. He is considered an expert in the field and has aimed his entire career toward a single set of goals: telling the truth about sexuality, helping people feel sexually adequate & powerful, and supporting the healthy sexual expression and exploration of women and men.
- Here is a link to his books: http://amzn.to/2bSlBpp
- Here is a link to a presentation he did – 10 things Humanists need to know about sex http://www.martyklein.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/AHA-10-things-ho.pdf
- And his website – where you can read his blog, sign up for his newsletter and get additional information. http://www.martyklein.com/
- Additionally, you may want to start listening to Darrel Ray – who runs the Secular Sexuality podcast - http://secularsexuality.dogmadebate.com/
- Darrel also has a book: Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality - http://amzn.to/2bjQ5Cg
