Boring is Better

The best love advice I ever got was find someone boring.


It turns out that relationship drama isn't all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, relationship drama is a relationship killer.

What you want is someone stable who doesn't melt down at every little thing. Someone who has an internal equilibrium that helps them ride out the rough spots. Does that make them a little bit boring?  Yup. However, that stability creates a foundation for a truly loving respectful relationship to flourish.

Do I need to be wined and dine? No. I need someone who will cuddle on the couch with me and cover making dinner for me when I am tired and pick up some of my household chores for me when I am sick. To me, that’s a better expression of true love than any “love” adventure I've been subjected to. Marriage is a partnership. You help each other get the details of life taken care of so that you both can flourish. Failure to do the little things right means there are no big moments.

You don’t need adventure to fall in love. You just need love. Stable love.

FYI – this is advice I give in my book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom.

People to avoid

How to recognize toxic people and find the courage to get them out of your life.

If you have read my book, The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom (and if you haven’t you should), you know that there are certain people I advocate that you don’t just avoid, you run as far away from them as possible as quickly as possible. Or as my husband likes to say – run for the hills!

Turns out I’m not the only one who thinks this is good advice. OmTimes has a list of the top 10 people you should avoid at all costs (http://omtimes.com/2013/08/top-10-toxic-people-to-avoid-at-all-costs/)

1) Really angry people
2) Charming liars
3) Narcissists
4) Drama queens and kings
5) Perpetual cynics (can’t be happy ever)
6) Complainers (what I call Negative Nellies)
7) Boors (name droppers more concerned with status than anything else)
8) The wild child (who are actually fairly suicidal – don’t let them kill you)
9) The perpetual dreamer (reality and them are not on good terms)
10) Perpetual child (can’t be an equal partner because they won’t grow up)

I agree with this list. In fact, pretty much everyone on this list is on my list in my book. Given that I’ve taken a little bit of crap for being so heartless to not give some of these types of people continued access to me and that I’ve counseled young people how to recognize these people and avoid relationships with them, I just want to say, this list was put together by an actual psychiatrist who specializes in trauma and recovery as well as healthy relationships. Do I feel vindicated? Oh heck yeah.

Run for the hills and carry on.