Holding on to past mistakes - is it a mistake?

I once asked some friends on LinkedIn - were they holding onto past mistakes and if so - what were they doing to let it go.

I got a couple of responses that made the case that past mistakes - were good things. Worth holding onto.

George Theo who is the Owner and Creative Partner at VirtuAD Limited said this, "Holding? They form the skeleton of everyone's existence."

Sara Rosinsky, who is a Senior Copywriter for Hire, Freelance or Full-Time said her has "a well-organized library. For easy access."

Past mistakes – aren’t necessarily bad things – they can be really awesome things. 

First - some of the great scientific discoveries - were mistakes. Every scientist I know - loves being wrong. Love may be a strong word - but they do enjoy learning something new. The only way to learn something new - is to learn that what you used to think - is wrong. 

Another way to think of mistakes - is as my friends do - as experiences. It's ok to be mistaken. We all are from time to time. And if we keep a catalog of our mistakes - perhaps we can avoid doing the same mistake - again.

Someone asked me the other day about how I got my son to apologize. My answer is - we never taught him to do that. It's just that we were always apologizing to him whenever we made a mistake and hurt him in some way.  It's what you do - you apologize and make amends and move on.  So - when he makes a mistake - he apologizes - and moves on - most of the time.  Sometimes he is embarrassed about it - but he's always relieved once we get to admission of the mistake - as the heaviness of holding it - is lifted.

And it does  feel that way - like a weight is lifted - when you admit to a mistake. You don't have to hide it anymore. You don't have to be embarrassed about it anymore. You made a mistake. Great - now you can correct it. Correcting mistakes is empowering. And that feels - great.

Want to learn how to cope better? Take my online class - Living Made Simpler - https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

Have compassion - Driving Edition

I was driving my son to school this morning and made a mistake. I wasn’t sure what lane to be in to turn into the school. It’s an honest mistake. I know where the turn is, but there seemed to be a line to turn further back than I expected. But I also saw – the line I thought was the line for school – the lead car was waiting to turn into a business – before the school. I wasn’t sure whether I should go around or wait in line as I wasn’t sure if THIS turn line was the right line.

rk008 - FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I decided to wait in line, but it was so far back that by the time I made this decision, there wasn’t really room to pull into the left turn lane. The result is that the back end of my vehicle was sticking out blocking the thru lane. I would have avoided this had I made my decision to go into that lane about 5 feet sooner. It’s an honest mistake. These things happen.

The car behind me, who I was now blocking, got cranky and honked. I skootched up as far as I could, but it wasn’t enough and I didn’t have any ability to correct my mistake until the car in front of me moved. Eventually the car behind me went around. But then… they pulled even with me and waited until I looked at them – and then they glowered at me. And drove on. Whoever this was REALLY wanted me to know how unhappy they were with me because they stopped to make sure I knew they were mad and they were clearly going to wait until they knew I had seen that they were made at me.

I do understand their frustration. I had made a mistake and inconvenienced them for about 20 seconds. If you add in the time they waited to make sure that I saw that they were angry with me, they were delayed for a total of about 30 seconds.

I am not sure what they hoped to accomplish by waiting to make sure I knew they were mad. I made a mistake and was unable to correct it. I felt bad but, I had no ability to correct the mistake, I had to wait on the cars in front of me to move. I doubt their anger at my mistake is going to impact my future driving. This wasn’t something I did intentionally, it was a mistake.

After I dropped off my son and was driving home I was thinking, it would have been nice if they had been compassionate with me instead of angry. After all, it was a mistake. It’s not like I woke up today and thought, I’m going to inconvenience someone on the road and delay them for 20 seconds just to piss them off. I made a mistake, and realistically – it cost them 20 seconds. Why get so mad about a mistake? Why not just – fix the mistake or work around it.

They had several options. They could see the problem and know I had no ability to maneuver or move. They could see that and respond with patience. Or, they could have gone around sooner as there was no one in the other lane. They stayed, honked and got angry because they wanted me - out of their way and for whatever reason, weren’t willing to consider their other options.

The next time you find yourself getting upset or frustrated that someone else is inconveniencing you, step back and reframe what you think is happening. The person most likely didn’t do whatever it is on purpose. Maybe they made an honest mistake or are having other problems. Instead of focusing on how you want them to fix the problem, perhaps consider how you can fix the problem you are now in. Can you work around them? Maybe help them? I don’t know, but what I do know is that having compassion for the people around you – who will make mistakes – feels better than being in a perpetual state of anger and indignation.

I really do think the world would be a better place if we just had more compassion for one another instead of feeling entitled all the time. So please – practice compassion

FYI - I first published this at LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/have-compassion-jennifer-hancock/ 

Dealing with Personal Mistakes and Errors

Everyone makes mistakes. Professionals fix them.

I am always amazed when I meet people who don’t want to take responsibility for their mistakes.  It’s not just kids, it’s adults too. I’m amazed because in my experience, acknowledging you made a mistake and working to fix it is always well received. I am positively re-enforced every time I take responsibility for my mistakes and try to fix them.

I have always found that people are pretty considerate, IF you work to fix the problem.

Sometimes my mistakes are an accident, and sometimes they result from poor judgement.

Sometimes, I mess things up with other people by being clueless, hungry or both. I’m far from perfect.

But, people still work with me and help me and support me and seem to like me, for the most part, because I do make an honest attempt to fix my mistakes.

My ego is pretty big, but it’s not big enough to prevent me from doing my best to fix things.

The next time you make a mistake or an error acknowledge it. Apologize for it. And start working to fix it. I have had people come to me livid about stupid stuff I have done and I’ve just flat out apologized and told them I messed up. How can I fix it?  Once people realize I’m not only not going to fight, I’m not going to blame anyone else for my bad behavior AND, I’m going to work to fix it, they almost always accept my help and allow me to make amends.

Don’t be so proud that you continue to make mistakes just to prove to yourself that you weren’t to blame.  That would be pretty stupid.

There are a few courses I would recommend if you find you struggle with this.
1) Conflict Resolution – will teach you some of the science of how to help resolve conflicts and prevent behaviors from escalating
2) Dealing with Cranky Customer Problems
3) Living Made Simpler (will help you think about your values, who you are and more importantly how you want to be)