Holding on to past mistakes - is it a mistake?

I once asked some friends on LinkedIn - were they holding onto past mistakes and if so - what were they doing to let it go.

I got a couple of responses that made the case that past mistakes - were good things. Worth holding onto.

George Theo who is the Owner and Creative Partner at VirtuAD Limited said this, "Holding? They form the skeleton of everyone's existence."

Sara Rosinsky, who is a Senior Copywriter for Hire, Freelance or Full-Time said her has "a well-organized library. For easy access."

Past mistakes – aren’t necessarily bad things – they can be really awesome things. 

First - some of the great scientific discoveries - were mistakes. Every scientist I know - loves being wrong. Love may be a strong word - but they do enjoy learning something new. The only way to learn something new - is to learn that what you used to think - is wrong. 

Another way to think of mistakes - is as my friends do - as experiences. It's ok to be mistaken. We all are from time to time. And if we keep a catalog of our mistakes - perhaps we can avoid doing the same mistake - again.

Someone asked me the other day about how I got my son to apologize. My answer is - we never taught him to do that. It's just that we were always apologizing to him whenever we made a mistake and hurt him in some way.  It's what you do - you apologize and make amends and move on.  So - when he makes a mistake - he apologizes - and moves on - most of the time.  Sometimes he is embarrassed about it - but he's always relieved once we get to admission of the mistake - as the heaviness of holding it - is lifted.

And it does  feel that way - like a weight is lifted - when you admit to a mistake. You don't have to hide it anymore. You don't have to be embarrassed about it anymore. You made a mistake. Great - now you can correct it. Correcting mistakes is empowering. And that feels - great.

Want to learn how to cope better? Take my online class - Living Made Simpler - https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

How to not feel bad about owning up to your mistakes

Strong capable people – fix their mistakes.  This is a mindset tweak that helps people understand that it’s ok to make mistakes. What’s not ok is to not fix them.  I tell people, the only thing worse than being wrong, is continuing to be wrong because of pride.

The other thing is that fixing mistakes – feels good. Responsibility is empowering. It means you believe you can fix your problems and instead of wishing for them to be fixed, or waiting for other people to fix them. YOU fix them. It’s empowering. A lot of people try to avoid responsibility, because they don’t understand the power and pride that comes with being responsible.

To get started, you just make a decision to do it. If you make a mistake – think – ok. I screwed up. What am I going to do to fix this?  If it means apologizing, apologize. If it means making amends or at least offering to make amends, that’s what you do.  What people find is that as they start practicing this – and it is a practice - the more respect they will receive from others and the more they will respect themselves. And that feels good. True, some people won’t forgive them. But most will.  And for those that don’t, at least you tried. For those that do – you strengthen your relationship with them.

The key to reaping the benefits of personal responsibility – is to just start practicing it. It is self
re-enforcing so it’s easy to keep at it once you start.

Personal mistakes and errors

Mistakes and errors are inevitable. How you cope with them, makes a difference.

I accept that I am a flawed human being. I do the best I can, but ultimately, I have no guarantee of success. I am sure I make social faux paus despite my best intentions to be respectful, I probably fail.

And, if I am hungry, or anxious, I have been known to behave positively atrociously.  In short, I make mistakes and errors.

I understand though, that those mistakes and errors don’t define me. They are mistakes. If I am smart and I can, I will correct them.

I try never to hide my mistakes. Instead, I own them. Accept them. Correct them and try to not make that mistake again. 

A lot of people don’t view their mistakes this way. I wouldn’t say I am humble. But I do think that understanding mistakes happen and can be corrected is wisdom.  Deep wisdom apparently since so many people flee from their mistakes and try to pretend they never happened.

I don’t know of any instance where owning and accepting my mistakes has caused me harm. In fact, I know the fact that I am willing to accept my responsibility for my actions when I make mistakes, helps people to help me fix them. Yeah – they might have been mad, but my contrition and honesty in wanting to fix it – fixes the social problem I caused.

For me, I view this as part of my practice in personal responsibility. The benefits to taking responsibility for my actions, including my mistakes and errors is so great I am constantly amazed that people try to avoid this.

Don’t avoid your responsibilities. For better or for worse, accept your mistakes and work to fix them.  To me the idea of making a mistake and then not fixing it – is the only mistake you can’t recover from. All else is fixable.

To learn more about personality responsibility –  get my book – The Humanist Approach to Happiness – or take my life skills course – Living Made Simpler.