Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts

Freedom Begins in the Mind

Recently, I've been spending time watching the new baby black crested mangabey at the zoo where I volunteer. His name is Sullivan. He's about two months old now—still tiny, still dependent on his mother's milk, still very much a baby. 

baby black crested mangabey named Sullivan, pretending to eat some straw

But something fascinating is happening. He's begun picking up pieces of lettuce and bringing them to his mouth. He's not actually eating the lettuce yet. He's copying his mother.

Photo of female black crested mangabey named Suzy eating a peace of lettuce

Watching him has been a delightful reminder that humans are apes too, and we learn much the same way. Before we understand the world, before we can reason about it, we imitate. We watch others. We mimic their behaviors. We absorb the habits, beliefs, fears, and preferences of the people around us.

baby black crested mangabey named Sullivan playing with a blue block while laying on straw at the Chattanooga Zoo

This ability to learn through observation is one of our species' greatest strengths. It allowed human knowledge and culture to accumulate across generations. We don't each have to rediscover fire, invent language, or figure out social rules from scratch.

But this remarkable ability comes with a cost. The same brain that allows us to learn from others also makes us susceptible to being influenced by them. And that is why freedom begins in the mind.

When we think about freedom, we often think about external things—freedom of speech, freedom of movement, freedom from oppression. These freedoms matter enormously. But there is another kind of freedom that is just as important and often overlooked:

The freedom to think for yourself.

Your Brain Is Designed to Be Influenced

Every day, our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors are being shaped by forces around us. Advertisers compete for our attention. Social media algorithms reward outrage and conformity. Peer groups exert pressure to fit in. Political movements, cultural narratives, and even workplace dynamics all attempt to influence what we believe and how we behave.

Most of this influence is not malicious. It is simply part of being human.

We evolved to be social because, for our ancestors, belonging to the group often meant survival. Individuals who paid attention to what others were doing and copied successful behaviors had an advantage.

The baby mangabey doesn't need anyone to explain to him that lettuce is food. He watches his mother and begins practicing the behavior long before he fully understands it.

Humans do the same thing.

Children imitate language, emotional reactions, social norms, and cultural beliefs long before they are capable of critically examining them. As adults, we continue to imitate, often without realizing it. We adopt opinions from our social groups, absorb assumptions from our cultures, and unconsciously respond to rewards and punishments in our environments.

Over time, these influences can become so deeply ingrained that we mistake conditioned responses for freely chosen decisions.

Freedom Requires Self-Awareness

The question is not whether we are influenced. We all are.

The question is whether we understand those influences well enough to choose how we respond to them.

Psychological freedom begins with self-awareness.

The moment we start asking questions, we reclaim power:

  • Why do I believe this?
  • Who taught me to think this way?
  • Is this belief based on evidence or social pressure?
  • Am I acting from my values or reacting from fear?
  • Does this choice reflect who I want to be?

These questions interrupt automatic responses and create space for conscious choice.

Freedom lives in that space.

This is why critical thinking is so important. It is not merely an intellectual skill. It is a form of self-defense.

A person who understands behavioral psychology, cognitive biases, and social influence becomes significantly harder to manipulate. They become less dependent on social approval and more capable of acting according to their own values.

The Five Managerial Superpowers and Mental Freedom

Many people think leadership is about influencing others. But ethical leadership begins with learning to lead ourselves.

In Mastering the Five Managerial Superpowers, I explore five essential capacities that help individuals reclaim control over their thinking and behavior:

  • Self-awareness
  • Compassion
  • Self-control
  • Understanding behavioral science
  • Managing conflict constructively

These are not merely management skills.

They are freedom skills.

Self-awareness helps us recognize when emotions and social pressures are driving our decisions.

Compassion allows us to understand others without becoming captive to their approval or disapproval.

Behavioral science teaches us how habits, rewards, and environments shape behavior—both our own and that of others.

Conflict management helps us resist manipulation through fear, intimidation, and social pressure.

Together, these skills create something powerful:

Psychological independence.

The ability to think clearly, act ethically, and choose deliberately instead of simply reacting.

Reclaiming Your Mind

Watching that little mangabey has reminded me of something profound.

Copying others is not a flaw in human nature. It is one of our greatest evolutionary strengths.

But maturity requires something more than imitation. At some point, we must move beyond merely copying the behaviors and beliefs around us and begin consciously deciding which ideas deserve our loyalty.

Freedom does not mean becoming immune to influence. That would be impossible.

Freedom means becoming aware of the forces shaping us and intentionally choosing which influences align with our values.

It means learning to pause before reacting.

It means questioning narratives, examining assumptions, and choosing principles over pressure.

Because while we cannot control everything happening around us, we can learn to better control how we respond.

That is where freedom begins.

Not in governments.
Not in institutions.
Not in other people.

But in the mind.

And perhaps one of the greatest forms of freedom available to human beings is this: the ability to understand how we are shaped, and then consciously choose who we wish to become.

If you would like practical tools for developing that kind of psychological independence, Mastering the Five Managerial Superpowers explores the behavioral science, self-awareness, and leadership skills that can help you become a more intentional, ethical, and resilient human being.

Because before we can lead others well, we must first learn how to lead ourselves.

Stumped by Emotions

How do you define stupidity?  My friend - Kalai - stupidity just means you were stumped by your emotions.  What do you think?

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

A Humanistic Leadership perspective on Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace. Why is it important and why you should care about it as a manager.


1. What is emotional intelligence?

To me – this is about how you deal with other people as people. In order to get work done you probably have to work with another person. That person has their own stresses, desires, fears and hopes and insecurities. In order to work successfully with them, you have to manage their responses to your requests so that they are inclined to help you. Someone with good emotional intelligence understands this reality and knows how to deal with it effectively so that they can get the work they need to get done completed with as little stress on the people doing the work as possible.

2. How can it lead to bigger salaries?

People who are good at working with other people and getting other people to work with them tend to get more work done. They have good reputations since people like working with them. They also know how to ask for the salary they want and need without fainting or without being a jerk about it.

3. How can it lead to more job satisfaction?

The nice thing about being nice is that this skill is a connecting skill. People who work at seeing their co-workers as fully human worthy of respect – feel more connected and less conflicted. This leads to better feelings of job satisfaction. A lot of times people think taking other people into account in your planning is hard work. After all why should you go out of your way to make sure other people feel good. The answer is you do this for you. Not only will being nice help you slide through life better, you will feel better about yourself if you do it. When I give trainings on this topic I present a stressful situation and ask – if you respond to this stress by sharing your stress with others and getting angry – how do you feel?  Now – how about if you respond to your stress and the stress of others with compassion for yourself and others – how do you feel now? The answer is everyone feels better if they manage to respond to stress with compassion. It also yields better results. So double plus good.

4. What industries are EI most important in?

Any industry that requires you to interact with your fellow humans. But especially customer service as that is the field where you are most likely to deal with cranky people who are having trouble and really need someone to hold their hand.

5. Why does emotional intelligence matter?

Every single person on this planet requires the assistance of other people. The most effective way to get that assistance is to be nice to them. This requires us to not act selfishly but to instead consider our impact on the other person so we can tweak our behavior to maximize the positivity in the other person. This is what enlightened self interest is all about. Helping others to help yourself.

6. How can you measure your EI? Your employees?

You can track how often you get frustrated with others and respond negatively vs how often you respond to stress with compassion.  Over time, you will see an improvement in outcomes and relationships when you do this.  Most people tell me that they see an immediate improvement and this become self-reinforcing though it still requires conscious practice.

With employees – the more this is practiced the less interpersonal conflict you would expect to see. You would see more collaborative problem solving then butting of heads. This should also translate into less employee turnovers and complaints.

7. Other Thoughts? 

Emotional intelligence can be learned and practiced. It’s a mindset of valuing and respecting other people that sets this positive feedback loop in motion. This is why philosophic training is so helpful. The problem isn’t simply that a skill set is lacking. We have to understand why we should do this and more importantly – how to think about it so that we actually do this and reap the benefits from doing it.

The best course I have on this is my in depth program - Living Made Simpler. It is six hours long and will take you on a philosophy journey to help you better understand your own responses so that you can more effectively interact with the people around you.

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