Respectful communication

 I have online learning programs where I teach Humanistic Communication strategies and science based conflict management approaches. I was recently approached by a reporter to answer some questions about respectful communication. 

1. In your professional experience and opinion, what are the benefits of respectful communication in the workplace?

The benefit of respectful communication is trust. All business revolves around trust. Without that, things can’t get done and if things don’t get done in business, you won’t be in business long. 

The problem is that the term ‘respect’ means different things to different people. Does it mean treating people with deference. Or does it mean treating people with dignity? I’m not big on arbitrary authority, so I prefer to think of this as a problem of dignity. I reframe the question in my mind. Why I need to treat my colleagues with dignity?  The answer is, trust and professionalism. It’s best not to turn colleagues into enemies and it’s best not to make an enemy out of someone who wants to be your colleague.

But more than that, it’s about making sure I don’t create additional problems for myself and the team. If there is a problem in communication, it means there is a misunderstanding, probably on both sides. To me, being professional means, treating everyone with dignity and behaving in a dignified way myself. So if/when a conflict arises, I don’t respond tribally, I respond professionally and treat the other person with dignity and well-meaning and work through the misunderstanding to re-establish trust. To do that, I must communicate with dignity and reinforce the dignity of the other person.  If it turns out the other person really is undignified and behaving unprofessionally, then my professional dignified communication with them will serve me well by making it clear, the problem isn’t me. 

2. What is your #1 tip for achieving respectful communication in the workplace?

My number one tip is compassion. Compassion for myself when I respond with my hackles up to something that is said or done feels like an attack. This allows me to move out of defensive fight mode into rational thinking mode. Once I’ve done that for myself, I then turn my compassion to the other person and remind myself, they are a human being just like me and that most likely, what happened was just a miscommunication and not an attack.  Compassion allows me to respond to the person with dignity and to acknowledge the dignity of the other person so that we can work through what is almost always a miscommunication back to trust. 

The bonus of this approach is that if it was indeed an attack, by responding with compassion and dignity, I disarm and blunt the attack. 

Learn More:

I have a few online courses that can help you learn to practice these skills.

Humanistic Communication Strategies - Learn how to combine humility, compassion and personal responsibility into an effective communication strategy so you can focus on collaboration instead of combat. https://humanistlearning.com/humanistic-communication-strategies/

and

A Humanistic Approach to Civility and Dignity in the Workplace - This program is broken into two sections. The first discusses civility as a concept, covering the problems and difficulties of using civility as a metric. The second section discussed how to use dignity as a value in the workplace to improve interpersonal relationships and problem solving. The goal is to help people understand how to deal effectively with stress and difficult people while still behaving ethically and problem solving effectively. - https://humanistlearning.com/a-humanistic-approach-to-civility/

or

How to Win Arguments Without Arguing - In this program author and Humanist Jennifer Hancock will discuss recent research on how ideas are formed and changed to help you understand why and how to yield to your opponent and how to turn the conversation around using Socratic questioning techniques to frame the underlying moral debate to your advantage. If you want to learn how to win arguments by not arguing take this course! - https://humanistlearning.com/socratic-jujitsu/

and finally - I offer a certificate course in humanistic conflict management.

Certificate Program in Humanistic Conflict Management - This certificate program includes 8 courses for a total of 9 3/4 hours of content to teach you how to effectively, ethically and compassionately deal with conflict while still being professional.

https://humanistlearning.com/conflict-management-discount-bundle/

Being polite helps grease the wheels of civility.

 My father always said, if you want to slide through life, try being polite. 

What can we learn from how the British do it? I came across this graphic. It lays out what they say, what they mean and what people who aren't from Britain hear.

To be honest, I read this list AFTER trying to ask someone questions about a public policy issue and not getting any actual answers and getting frustrated.  It is in moments like this, where you are genuinely trying to have a rational conversation and you find out, nope, the other person is just spouting slogans that they don't understand, that I personally find it most hard to be humanistic towards others.

My desire is to scream - that doesn't make any sense!!!! But, that wouldn't be very polite. Which is why I like this list. It's a very gentle way to help nudge people towards better more rational conversations.  It's also a good way, in some cases, to blow people off without overtly saying, I'm not going to attend to this nonsense anymore, while keeping the door open for future conversation.

Even better, what if we actually mean it positively?   

I think mostly what this list helps me think is that - British politeness in discourse allows people to disagree without being mean about it. That's a valuable life skill to cultivate. 

By the way, I do have a course on a humanistic approach to civility that you might enjoy if you thought this was helpful.  https://humanistlearning.com/a-humanistic-approach-to-civility/

Why civility is good for business

Dignity, civility, compassion and professionalism. Humanistic Leadership in a nutshell.

There is a great ted talk on the importance of civility and how it's good for business.

I was

I was thinking about this the other day. Civility is good for business.

I live in an area that is still basically - segregated. It's getting better. But the laws that created the segregation in housing, work, etc - are still in force and you don't undo centuries of segregation in just a few years. Attitudes and civility and dignity has increased - but we still have way too many people who do not view some members of our community - as members of the community. And they are not civil about it. At. All.  This lack of civility is real in places where segregation was an active force in community development.

How does this impact our economies? Well - it's pretty clear that in places in the US where diversity is the norm, you have booming economies. The economically depressed areas of the countries - are the places where segregation was enforced. This pattern holds - everywhere in the country.

Civility and dignity - isn't just about being nice to each other, though ... that is nice.  It's also about how we deal with and cope with people who are different than us.

Diversity is difficult. Dealing with people who don't share our backgrounds or religions, is difficult. And yet, most of us navigate that just fine - by being civil to each other. Through civility - we recognize our common humanity and dignity and worth of the people we are interacting with. 

That civility - allows us to work together and through that work - exchange goods and services with people who are different from us. It allows us create and generate wealth - separately - yet together.  Why? Because we aren't artificially restricting our customer base!!!! 

In places where segregation was enforced, that basic level of dignity and civility was absent.  The result - depressed economic activity as the building blocks for economic activity - were absent.

Diversity isn't just a moral good. It's an economic good. To get there - we have to  not just be more civil - we have to recognize the dignity of everyone we work with and all our customers. Which is why humanistic management and humanistic businesses and a humanistic economy is so important.