The emotional benefits of accepting reality

The price of rejecting reality is high.

I have a course I teach called “Reality based decision making for effective strategy development (see https://humanistlearning.com/programsoffered/  for details).  Failure to accept reality means your plans, whatever they are – are likely to fail. Sure, you could get lucky, but I’d rather be smart and strategic than lucky. Smart and Strategic tends to yield better results.

The problem with reality is that it can be scary.  Accepting reality means not always knowing how things are going to turn out. It means confronting uncertainty and the unknown. It means accepting that despite all your good intentions and strategic approach and smarts, you still may not succeed.  That’s reality.  And it sucks. I’m not going to lie to you about that.

But this post is about the emotional benefits of accepting reality. Why on earth am I telling you how scary accepting reality is?  Because – despite how scary it can be, accepting reality is emotionally satisfying. It really does help your mental health to remain grounded in reality – even when reality sucks.

Here is my rule. You cannot solve your problems until you acknowledge you have a problem. And as long as you aren’t solving your problem, you will continue to have a problem. And having problems sucks. I would much rather confront my fears so I can confront my problems that stick my head in the sand and hope for the best.  Again, I could get lucky, but sticking my head in the sands means I don’t see the dangers coming and I can’t protect myself from those dangers.

I am a Humanist. I refuse to leave my fate up to fate. I am a proactive doer. I can get things done. I can change the odds in my favor. I refuse to hope for the best. Not when I can be doing something constructive to create positive change for myself.

One of my favorite quotes is “If you are going through hell, keep going.” From Winston Churchill.  Accepting reality is scary. But staying stuck in a living hell is even scarier.  Accepting my present reality is an act of courage. It puts me in a position to change my current reality and make a new one. Accepting reality, however bad it may be is empowering. And being empowered is good for your emotional health.

6 Reasons to be a Humanist

A list of reasons why being a Humanist is a better choice than other options.

There are many reasons why I choose to live life as a Humanist. There are so many benefits.  Here are some statements about Humanism from different people that will hopefully help you understand what some of the main benefits are.

1. Our methods of being responsible for and taking control of our lives more often leads to increased freedom and happiness than hoping and praying. (Dave Collamer)
2. We Humanists are actively engaged with life and affirm and delight in so many aspects of living. (Tim McGuire)
3. By having no set definition or dogma for what is moral, we are forced to consider the opinions of our fellow humans. And by considering their opinions, hopefully improve upon our own. (me)
4. Humanism is optimistic – it helps us find the courage to confront our problems and solve them instead of giving in to despair. (me)
5. Even in death, we humanists celebrate life. Yes, we mourn and grieve for those we love, but we choose to focus on the miraculous reality of the life that has been lived, (Tim McGuire)
6. Our compassion based ethics help us not only come to better moral conclusions that any alternative morality, it also helps us regulate our emotional response to difficult situations as well – so bonus. (me)

What do you think the benefits are to the Humanist approach to life?

Everything will be alright

Why clearing the mind of clutter is so essential to progress.

There is a common thread that runs through the writings of activists across the globe. And that is that before they could really take on the root cause of the problems they were facing, they first had to free their own minds and decide for themselves what was right and what was wrong outside of what the social, religious or cultural norms were.

It is surprisingly hard to do. Most people are able to challenge only a portion of their preconceived notions and so their focus of change is narrow. Those who succeed often become great agents of change because they see how all the various forms of discrimination are interrelated. Discrimination comes from the same place even if the target is different.

Humanism and Freethought help clear the clutter out of our minds. But not everyone is willing to clear out everything. They are rightly concerned about being left adrift. After all, once you clear away the clutter, you usually go back and put some of the old stuff back in because, as it turns out, it was useful.

Many people approach self-reflection fearfully. A Humanist makes self-reflection a habit of the mind. We are continually challenging our assumptions. Our goal is to continue to improve ourselves and the world we live in. The benefits of clearing out the clutter of our minds are so great; we can’t imagine living life any other way. 

How do we nurture Freethought and clearing the mind, even if it is on a small scale? How can we reassure people who need to take this journey that it will be ok and that they will emerge on the other side of this stronger and more centered as a human being?