How to parent like a Humanist

Why taking a responsible, compassionate, ethical and respectful approach to parenting benefits you, your children and the society in which we all live.

Humanism is a philosophy that encourages us to think of every human we meet as being worthy of dignity and respect. This includes children. And, it includes our children. A Humanist parent does not think of their children as property. They are autonomous human beings, ones that we have particular responsibility for by virtue of being their parent.

This impacts all aspects of parenting and influences our parenting style. Because our children are fully human we have an ethical responsibility to treat them compassionately, ethically, and respectfully. We are also privileged with the task of raising them and caring for them. And even though that is difficult task and it never seems to end and there is always something that we have to deal with, it is satisfying. Why? Because being responsible feels good. Living up to and taking our responsibilities seriously feels good. It’s difficult but it gives our lives meaning and purpose. And isn’t that something that most people struggle with?

Embracing that responsibility fully is part of how a Humanist parents. And because we are Humanists we do spend some time thinking about how we want to parent so that we aren’t just reactive to our children, but proactive in providing them with learning experiences and support and encouragement so that they can grow into an adult we like, as a human being.

I tell my son every day that I love him. The other night he said, you tell me that all the time. When I reminded him that it feels good to be told and to say it, he said, but you have to love me. I said, no I don’t. There is no rule that says a parent has to love their child. I happen to love mine not only because he is adorable, but because I genuinely like him and like spending time with him and I derive a great deal of pleasure caring for him. If I didn’t recognize him as fully human, I can’t imagine feeling this way. My responsibilities towards him would be more of a burden. By acknowledging his humanity, I am able to connect with him as a human and therefore as a Humanist.

How does a Humanist parent? For me it means I parent with compassion, respect and in an ethically responsible way. How has being a Humanist influenced you as a parent?

How to be Proactive

Why be responsible? So you don’t make mistakes and you fix problems promptly.

What does it mean to be proactive and why should you care? Proactive behavior means anticipating problems and fixing them before they happen. It contrasts with reactive behavior which is all about fixing the problem after it occurs.

What does this have to do with Humanism? Humanists spend a lot of time thinking. We think about what is ethical. We think about how to be compassionate. We think about responsibilities and more. The reason we do all this thinking is not so that we end up in thinking limbo, but so that we can be proactive in our lives.

We all make mistakes. As a Humanist, I would prefer to avoid the avoidable mistakes if at all possible. I know the only way to do avoid making mistakes is to think about the problems and the potential problems I am likely to make before they actually become problems. This allows me to not only avoid making mistakes; it also allows me to fix problems promptly when I do make them. Because I expect to make them and so am proactive in dealing with them.

To me, this is what it means to be responsible. It is also the answer to the question, why be responsible? If you want to be successful you need to avoid as many mistakes as possible and to do that, you have to be proactive and responsible for avoiding and correcting your mistakes. This is why we Humanists think so much and spend so much time thinking about how we think.

Why be responsible and learn how to think well? So you can proactively fix problems so that you don’t make mistakes in the first place.

What is the most common mistake you make and what do you do to avoid it?