Be the person you want to be

Who do you want to be? Why aren’t you that person already?

All of us have an internal image of the person we are. I’m a 12 year old geek girl who somehow inhabits a 50 year old women’s body. I’m always surprised when I find out I’m the adult in the room.

Beyond that I like to think of myself as a compassionate, loving, interesting person. I’m not always this person. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not.

I find that the closer the real me is to the me I imagine myself to be, the happier I am. I suspect this is true of most people. To be happy, I need to make an effort to be the ideal version of me, even when it’s difficult to do so.

So who do you imagine yourself to be? What are you doing to make sure that you are that person most of the time. Even when it is difficult and you are stressed?

I find that practice helps. Reminding myself when I am frustrated that aspire to be a compassionate loving interesting and interested person helps me to manifest those qualities when I need them most.

Embrace your ideal you. Remind yourself often of who you want to be. And actively choose to be that person in times of stress. You’ll be glad you did.

Being Beautifully Human

Tips from Self Help Gurus that resonate with me as a Humanist

Marc and Angel – they have a self-help blog that apparently has 102k readers.  Yeah – I’m a bit jealous. Anyway – they had a post – 12 rules for being beautifully human. And I loved it (http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/01/12-rules-for-being-beautifully-human/)   

Here is their list – for those of you too lazy to click through – you know who you are. Just be aware that they actually explain the details of all these rules and the nuance of why they included them and why they are important and why they work. Anyway – here are the rules – without the nuance.

1.  Live one day at a time.

2.  Be OK with not being OK all the time.

3.  Earn the best days of your life.

4.  When your intuition begs you to listen, listen.

5.  Look within for the answers you seek.

6.  Dare to challenge the status quo.

7.  Work hard when hard work is required.

8.  Appreciate your blessings.

9.  Use your voice to support the truth.

10.  Practice kindness with an open mind.

11.  Nurture your important relationships.

12.  Let life guide you.

Self Esteem and Body Image

How to be more realistic about how you look.

We all have self-doubt and one of the areas we doubt is our body image. It doesn’t matter what we look like, it’s probably not the way we think we should look. Now, on the one hand, I’m all for self-improvement. On the other, it’s not ok to go overboard. As with everything, balance is needed.

My book The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom, which is a book for tweens and teens to discuss with their parents, has a section on body image for both boys and girls. Taking a realistic view of what a body should look like.

I encourage girls to look at Renaissance era paintings to get a better idea of what a real woman’s body looks like or should look like – plump by today’s standards. With boys – I encourage them to look at film stars of the 30s. Buff but not ripped like today’s implanted surgically altered heros.

I also discuss what scientists know about physical attraction as well, since that is actually tied to scent (having to do with genetic compatibility). The overall message is that obsessing on your looks is counterproductive to your real goal which is to be attractive to others. To be attractive, you need to be nice and you need to smile on occasion.