Being Awesome Using Science

Are you awesome?  Most of us are not – except in our own heads. But that shouldn’t stop you from being the glittery ball of awesomeness you think you are.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree has great posts about the science of life.  Recently, they had a post about the science of being awesome. See: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/07/awesome-life/  It’s called the Lazy Way to an Awesome Life.

Friends Matter

It turns out that your friends matter. First, having friends makes you happier.  More than money does.  So make a point to make time for your friends.

The 2nd thing is the quality of your friends. Don’t just hang out with anyone. Hang out with awesome people. Your friends influence you and their friends, even if you never meet them influence you by virtue of the fact, they are influencing your friends.

What you want are supportive optimistic caring friends. You want to steer away from jerkish and selfish friends. The more people you are around who want to be awesome, the more likely you will become awesome too – it’s a habit that is reinforced by your social network.

Finally, introduce your friends to your friends. One thing I have always been proud of is that my friends like my other friends. When I get them together, they like each other. Why – because I have awesome friends. I don’t have a lot of friends, but those I have are all good people.

But the other reason for introducing your friends is that it helps to grow and support your other friends. Different people have different friendships. Some people have lots of friends, some don’t. What you want to ensure, since your friend’s friends influence you, is that those on the outside of the social network actually are fully supported by the social network. All that supporting, makes everyone stronger and more supported and more happy.  Call it karma if you will but modeling the supportive friend network you want will help encourage more supportive friends.

Finding Friends

Good friends are essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, finding good friends can be quite hard. I liken it to dating.. Every time I have moved, or had friends move away - I need to find more friends and the process starts once again.

Don’t judge your life and friends by the social butterflies of the world. If you have trouble finding good friends, you are not only not alone, most people are  in the same boat as you. Yes, there are people who still have their friends from school with them, but most people don’t and are eager to find new friends. This is good news because it means that most people you meet will be thrilled if you take the initiative to get to know them better.

Here is what I do. First, be brave. If you meet someone you like and get along with - ask them for their contact information to see if you can get together again. They will probably be thrilled you asked. If they aren’t, that’s ok too. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The other thing to realize is that it is hard for adults to find time to connect. There is no set aside playground time for us to play during. We have to schedule our playtime. So don't assume that if someone isn’t available the first time you suggest that you get together that they aren't interested in being friends. They wouldn’t have given you their contact information if they weren’t interested. So try 3 or 4 times before giving up.

Be proactive in organizing things. Girls night out at the movies. Bingo night. backyard bbq. Invite people to spend time with you. Don’t assume if they don’t contact you they don’t like you. Keep reaching out and you will eventually be rewarded.

And finally, look for people you enjoy being around. There are a lot of people out in the world. Some are easy to hang out with and are a joy to be around, others, not so much. Don’t worry about finding people. Focus on finding good people with whom you click. Volunteer, join groups, participate and have fun.  And always remember, everyone needs friends. Everyone. Don’t just look to the popular people, look for people hanging out on the sidelines, they need friends too.