I have so many problems with this.

I came across the following statement on facebook. I have so many problems with it
POSITIVE PRAYING is more effective than POSITIVE THINKING! It is more powerful!

I am not a huge fan of positive thinking as I tend to think it is unrealistic thinking. I like positivity – but realistic positivity coupled with – action. You know – to get those positive things you think should be done done?  Yeah – you have to take positive action, or nothing will get done.

If I dislike positive thinking so much why do I have a problem with the quote?  Well …. as ineffective as I feel positive thinking is, I think positive praying is worse. Much much worse.  It’s like positive thinking on steroids.  All the problems with positive thinking multipled.

One of the biggest problems we have with positive thinking is that once people are positive a positive outcome is going to happen, they stop taking positive action to make that outcome a reality. People who engage in delusion positive thinking do less work to create their future then those who are more … pessimistic.

People who think positive praying is going to help get things done are deluding themselves even more. Because they aren’t just thinking good things will happen. They are convincing themselves that they are doing something to make good things happen, all while doing nothing actually tangible to make good things happen.

Look. I want good things to happen as much as then next person. But thinking positive thoughts and positively praying for good things doesn’t make good things happen. Positive action makes good things happen.

I don’t care if you pray or think or think about praying. What I want is for people to get out into the world and actually do good things for other people.  Rant over.

On Confidence and Choices

A friend told me the other day he thought I was confident. I was amazed, because I don’t think of myself as a confident person. I’m riddled with anxieties and phobias with a little bit of PTSD thrown in for good measure (And no – that isn’t an exaggeration – I’ve been treated for PTSD by an actual therapist – it really is a problem I struggle with).

So when someone I know well says he thinks I’m confident I’m thinking, no I’m not What he sees isn’t confidence. He’s seeing a choice I made to not allow my insecurities and phobias to impact my life negatively.

I do things despite my insecurities because I have chosen to not let them get in the way of being the person I want to be.

Accentuate the Positive

Language matters. How you express yourself impacts how you feel and how you make others feel. Some simple changes can help you accentuate the positive and make it easier for other people to support you too.

One of my wisest friends, who committed suicide because of child abuse once told me, “Never ask a guy if you look fat in something. Instead, focus on the positive. Ask him “Doesn’t this dress make my eyes look fabulous?”

Her point was that if you ask for negative, you are probably going to get a negative back. Because even if someone doesn’t want to insult you – you phrasing your input needs in the negative forces the response to respond to the negative, even if the person trying to make you feel wants to help.