I teach the Socratic method for resolving disputes in the workplace. There is a reason this methodology has been taught for thousands of years. It works.
This technique assumes the other person is not being a bully or abusive – but is a normal well-intention ed person who you disagree with. However, even if the other person is being abusive – this will still work – just for different reasons.
The basic idea is that – you stop advocating for what you want. You don’t – let it go – you just set it aside to do – some learning first.
And you ask questions to try and understand where the other person is coming from and more importantly WHY they are advocating or saying the things they are. Everyone in the workplace is under stress. They may be short and just rather demanding. And they may not have explained why this crazy thing that makes no sense has to happen. When you step back – you can ask supportive questions and get that information and integrate it into your ask. Which is the 2nd part.
Once you know – really know and understand what is driving the other person – you can adjust your side of what you want and need to incorporate everyone’s concerns and create a win win solution that will help everyone. This is what leaders do well. It’s what makes a manager – a leader.
To do this – you need compassion – to view the other person – not as an adversary – but as a colleague who is struggling with something. And humility to understand the world isn’t just about you and your needs. Other people matter too.
And yes, this works. As soon as people do this – it transforms their conversations into things that can be collaboratively solves instead of fights to be won. My course – by the way is called – how to win arguments without arguing. There is a reason this technique has been taught for millennia. It’s effective.
As to what happens when you use this with a bully – it disarms them. This isn’t about allowing someone to walk over you. It’s about working WITH someone. If that person isn’t capable of working WITH people – that will become clear, but don’t assume that’s the case unless they really resist. What generally happens is that you can neutralize a bully so that they stop bullying you – because their bullying isn’t working. It’s not as simple as that – obviously – but it’s often what happens. You become their ally and they start seeing you as an ally and they start treating you differently and you can – control them through niceness.
If they are have a mental health issue though – they will just spin out of control. The key when dealing with an abusive person is to get any agreement that is made through this process – in writing. So that there can be accountability later if the person is a bully and doesn’t do what they promised to do. You use that written agreement – to re-enter socratic inquiry – but – with witnesses.
Hope this helps – let me know if you have any other questions.
My course and book are available at: https://humanistlearning.com/book-how-to-win-arguments-without-arguing/
If people are dealing
with a bullying boss – I have a program for that as well. https://humanistlearning.com/book-program-how-to-humanistically-handle-bad-bullying-bosses/
No comments:
Post a Comment