Struggling with who you are as a Parent

New parents, especially the parent who is the primary care giver, often struggle with identity issues. I struggled with this and can say, it gets better as they get older.

Here is a complaint from one of my online mom friends: “Am I just a boob? Why can’t I sleep when I want to? Why do I get resentful when my significant other sleeps! Seriously – when did I start thinking sleep time was something that has to be monitored?!?”

I hear you. Parenthood, especially in the first few years is all consuming. First, you gotta keep the kid alive. Turns out that requires some 24/7 monitoring. Or what feels like 24/7 monitoring. Next, they need you emotionally. If they are awake, you have to be awake too. You don’t get to sleep in anymore. Can’t go out unless you make arrangements. Heck, you can’t even use the bathroom without them for a while.

Who am I?

Finding an answer to this most important question is a quest worth taking.

Who am I?  That is one of those questions that is deceptively simple, yet has no easy answer. I am complex.

Paul Creedon, the Practical Humanist, wrote a great post about this, talking about the process of creating identity – see it here http://thepracticalhumanist.blogspot.com/2012/12/identity.html  It is a lovely peice.

I like that he makes the answer to this question more about the journey to finding an answer, than it is about the answer itself. He is more concerned with how he approaches the journey than he is with the fact that who he is is constantly changing.  I think that is an excellent way to approach this basic existential question.

For me, my practice of humanism starts with the question, not who am I? But rather, who do I really want to be? Now, in this current situation and in the future.  Who I am matters, but who I want to be matters more.

This is why it is a journey. A journey that never ends – or a never ending story – love it. And this is why I like my identity as a Humanist so much. It’s not that I have a set dogmatic idea of who I am. It is that I remind myself that I want to be the best human I can be requires me to constantly challenge myself to do and be better. And I find that process immensely satisfying even if it is never complete.