Elements of Value

 I talk a lot about how to integrate ethics into your work, whatever that is. I firmly believe it helps us all make better decisions when we do integrate our ethics.

The biggest challenge though, is what set of ethics. Most of us live and work in a multi-cultural environment. How can we be sensitive to religious and cultural differences in values and still, integrate ethics in our collective decision making. 

The answer? Use a secular set of ethics. It really doesn't matter which list you use. All lists of ethics do is help jump start conversations about what it is we value and why. It's ok that people value different things more than others. It really is. It's in the dialogue that understanding and collaboration and agreement on how best to move forward can occur.

If you ignore this aspect of decision making, you can end up making some really bad decisions and people won't feel as motivated or connected to the decision as they would if they understood the moral imperative of the decision whatever that is. 

There are several lists you can use. The good news is that there actually are common human ethics that most people share. I like the ones that don't treat ethics as a hierarchy.  The image above is the American Humanist Association list of 10 Humanist commitments done as a wheel. The wheel makes it easier for participants in a discussion to invoke their favorite ethic or an ethical value they think applies and discuss it in conjunction with the other values.

My friend Elizabeth Castillo shared with me Bain's list of 30 Elements of Values. There is a really cool interactive graphic for this at their website and again, this list can help your team or group discuss which values they think are applicable in a way that is inclusive of everyone. https://media.bain.com/elements-of-value/#   Here is a link to a talk she did on this topic: http://humanisticmanagement.international/rethinking-resources-a-path-to-more-humanistic-management/

Another great resource is the Bildung Rose as created by Lene Rachel Anderson. These are integrated ethics that help with decision making and ethical judgement. And again, it's in a rose form because the idea is to balance the values. Here is a link to her talk on this which in turn, links to her website: http://humanisticmanagement.international/using-the-bildung-rose-as-a-strategic-diagnostic-tool/

Disagreements are rarely about values - and almost always about facts

I once participated in a just war workshop at an American Humanist Association conference. We all agreed on what constituted a just war. But when we looked at specific wars - we could not agree on whether any given war or conflict was just or not. How could that happen when we all agreed what a just war was morally?

Because - we all had different information. To reach consensus - we share information and integrate that information into our thinking.

I think - we largely - don't do that anymore. It isn't modeled for us - and it's not valued. When I get questions from people about disagreements - it's usually framed in a: how do I get other people to agree with me - framework.

This is a very self centered framework to think about disagreements. You are right and the other person is wrong - so the problem is - how do I get them to agree with me - that I am right.

We all do this - so I know you - as well as I - see ourselves in that description.

The solution is to understand your role and what is going on differently.

1) Ask yourself - what if you are wrong and the other person is right?  Shocking to think - but it is possible. When you do this - you stop trying to prove you are right and start trying to figure out how you might be wrong.  This sort of disagreement is not about winning anymore. It's about learning. And no - you don't need the other person to agree with you to approach things this way - this is about you. And your responsibilities.

2) Find out what the moral reasoning the other person is using. I assure you - the other person is moral.  Disagreements are almost NEVER about values. They are often about what we value most - but not whether we value it. So - ask them questions. Why is their proposal - moral for them? Do they acknowlege your values as well? Probably they do - but they place them lower than other moral considerations. This can lead to interesting conversations about how we weigh moral values against each other. But even if it doesn't - you can still learn a lot by asking these questions.

3) Do you have your facts right? What "facts" are they working from and are those "facts" true or not. If you are doing the first two things - they should be open to correction. But ONLY if you are ALSO - open to correction. If they aren't - don't fight them. Sometimes all you can do is introduce doubt. It's like planting a seed. You might not be there when the doubt reaches fruition - but that's ok.  If that is where they are - then consider planting doubt - a win.

These are the skills I teach in my online course - Socratic Jujitsu - how to win arguments without arguing. https://humanistlearning.com/socratic-jujitsu/

This program is also included in my certificate in applied Humanistic Leadership - https://humanistlearning.com/certified-humanistic-leadership-professional/

Video Lessons

I make videos about Humanism.  Lots of them actually.  Check out these topics. 

Don’t lose sight of your values when making your goals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_djCmfecfvM

Don’t take it personally: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgedZn7fnL8

Dealing with cranky people compassionately: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaJp1BiXq_A

Focus Your Thinking by Thinking Outside the box: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzxfGqW1_ew

A science based approach to bullying/harassment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNmapUBQpeY

The most important part of decision making: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FRnxa6zIzk

Ethics based on verifiable consequences: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7f12m3WRTg&t=96s

Treating other people fairly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjNSObQgtT8

Living Ethically: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0zjFc4icFc

Humanism is to be humane: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5dvbuoiufg

It’s Not About You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9IIYhDyl4U&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw&index=25

Stopping Bullying: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbswHnl_zB4&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw&index=30

When is it ok to give up? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rh-KVHB_Ak&index=38&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw

Balance: Everything Requires it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d1DEislcsg&index=31&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw

The Value of the Socratic Method: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1d7Zq9fdhY&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw&index=33

Ethics in the Workplace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKQUTJBflAw&index=35&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw

How to deal with an unethical coworker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ww0qMpHYJk&index=43&list=UUn143e8On1tq6pMrULRb9vw

What does ROI Mean to me?

ROI means - return on investment.  This is a question about how I decide what to spend my time on. As a solo-preneur trying to a) make a living and b) have a life - I think about this a lot.

To me ROI means – what value do I personally get out of doing something. The fact I like doing it – may be the value of it.

I do things that don’t pay all the time, because whatever it is – has value to me – even if that value isn’t money. It may be about forwarding a social agenda I have. It may be to go someplace cool.  It may be altruistic – helping someone out. It may be because it seemed like fun. All of that is valuable to me.

I am an solo-preneur. So I do have to guard my time and I do ask myself all the time, what will I get out of this.  I rarely weigh monetary gain in making those decisions. It’s mostly – do I like doing this or not?  Will this be something I enjoy? Or not?  Will this make the world a better place if I do it? Or not? 

That is what ROI means to me. But then – I am a Humanist and am a firm believer that business should be about more than just making money. It should also be about making the world a better place – for individuals and for society. And I conscious choose to consider ALL the things I value (work life balance, social justice issues, helping people, fun and making a living) into my decision making matrix.

Self Reflection

Is self reflection a starting point for getting unstuck? Can we get where we're going without self reflection .. maybe by luck and instinct? Why do we resist self reflection in so many ways?

I teach an approach that combines philosophy and science, specifically Humanist philosophy.
Self-reflection is hugely important. It helps us define who we want to be – ideally -  and how we want to get there and more importantly WHY!

I tell people to start by thinking explicitly about what they value most. Getting your ethics straight gives you a foundation to ask yourself important questions when stuck.  Without that basis, it’s hard to even begin to know where to start.

A good way to do this is to read a philosophy book or a book about values. (Like this one) Reading about someone else’s values kicks starts your thinking. Do I agree with this? If not why not? What is it I value?  A lot of what I do (in my books and my programs) is designed to cause this sort of self reflection. The goal is not to have you agree with me. The goal is to have you think about what it is you value.

Once you have that in place, you can start considering whether what you are doing now is helping you to realize and live by your values on a day to day basis.  I like to take stock every six months. Like spring and winter cleaning. Are my values still working for me?  Is the path I am on still the right path.

Like anything self-reflection is a practice. 

Oh – when it comes to thinking techniques, I encourage people to think of three. One of the ways we get stuck is in false dichotomies. We can’t see our way clear because we feel like we have two options, both of which suck.  So think of a third. Once you can do that, you can think of a 4th or  a 5th. That usually is enough to get the creative juices flowing and it’s a simple thing to remember. Think of three.

To learn more check out my online course - Living Made Simpler
Or read my book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness

Don’t Let Them Bully You

Stick to your values.

Sometimes it seems like the entire world is made up of unethical people.  People who are out for themselves and who are taking unethical short cuts. If you want to get ahead, do you need to take shortcuts too?

No!

If you have to be talked into doing something, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. This goes for jobs, sex, relationships, investment opportunities and more.   Business ethics are personal ethics.  If something isn’t right to you, it isn’t right. So don’t let people bully you or try to convince you that your ethical instincts are wrong.

Do be open to learning new facts, but if the facts seem unethical to you, they are probably unethical.

And if you really are dealing with bullies, ethical or otherwise, learn how to get them to leave you alone using science with the book: The Bully Vaccine - https://humanistlearning.com/the-bully-vaccine-book/

How to not lose sight of your values when making goals

I come at this both behaviorally and philosophically. I am a Humanist and provide philosophic counselling on goal setting.

What I tell people to do is you need to spend some time setting both primary goals, secondary goals & tertiary goals. Most of what you are talking about is people focused on tertiary goals, which is why they lose sight of their primary goals.

Primary Goals

For instance, my primary goal is to live life fully, love other people and leave the world a better place. If I do that, I’ve succeeded, even if financially I am not in any given moment a financial success. Life is full of ups and downs.

Secondary Goals

My secondary goals are related to the “leave the world a better place” part of my primary goals. I want to help people to stop bullying and learn how to live life without fear of other people. How to make better decisions using critical thinking so that they can actually create strategies that will actually work and help them reach their goals. Having my secondary or business goal grounded in my primary goal of leaving the world a better place helps me not give up even when I want to. My work is too important to not do.

Tertiary Goals

My tertiary goals is – what exactly I’m going to do to accomplish my 2ndary goals.  So in my case, that is – create a learning company that teaches these things. It is only when I get to a tertiary goal that I can really start to develop a strategy to accomplish it. But by making sure my tertiary goal is based in my primary goal, when I create that strategy I do so in a way that honors and incorporates my primary goal – which is to live life fully.

To not get lost in the weeds of the day to day work of trying to make my tertiary goal a reality – I re-evaluate every 6 months. Is what I am doing helping me to my primary goals or secondary goals or tertiary goals? Do I need to rethink one of my tertiary goals?  Do I need to re-allocate my time and priorities? The answer is ALWAYS yes. Yes I do need to re-prioritize based on what is working and what isn’t and whether or not I am enjoying the work or not.  I know there are things I should be doing for my business, but if I don’t like doing them, I’m not going to do them. Every six months I take stock. What am I doing well, what am I avoiding? If I am avoiding something, which I always am, is there another way for me to accomplish that task without doing it in a way I don’t like?  If I get creative, the answer is yes.  Let me give you an example, I was doing public speaking and I realized I don’t like travelling. So I retooled the business to be an online learning program. If people want me – they can take an online class and skype me in if they want a live Q&A. I’m much happier and I’m not neglecting my family and it takes WAY less time than the other business model I was pursuing.

By making my primary life goals explicit, I am able to consider those goals as I make strategies for my business goals (which are actually tertiary and in service to my primary and secondary goals. I don’t see  how anyone can balance their priorities if they don’t make their values and priorities explicit. If writing those values down helps, do that. For me – my primary goal is my motto. Live life, love other people, leave the world a better place. When it doubt, I go to my motto. It has yet to steer me wrong and I’m very satisfied with the arc of my life so far and where I am going to now.

PS  - I do teach this philosophic approach and the critical thinking skills that go with this in an online program https://humanistlearning.com/video-planning-for-personal-success/  or as a streaming video (through Amazon Prime) or as a DVD.

Critical Thinking and Humanist Values

You cannot think well unless you have a goal in mind. Having a goal requires you to have values.

The reason we try to think critically is so that we can make good decisions that will benefit us and hopefully others. I am a Humanist, so the framework in which I make my decisions is, good for me, good for my family, good for my society and good for the world in which I live. And yes, I do consider all of that when I make my decisions.

My point is that in order to make good decisions, we have to have some set of values that allows us to deem certain decisions good and others bad. Those are value judgements that require a value system.

Most of us make decisions by weighing the pros and cons. And again, that’s about what is good and what is bad and those are value judgements and we  have to have a set of values that help us make those value judgements.

Moral judgement isn’t enough though. We also have to know what is true. Here’s why. Moral judgements don’t occur in a vacuum. They are determined by what you think is true and false about the situation you are judging. If you mistakenly believe something is true that isn’t, your moral judgement will be flawed as well.

Humanism values critical thinking precisely because it helps us to not only organize and prioritize our values realistically, but also because it encourages us and reminds to base our decisions on what is true and to change our minds if we find out we are mistaken.  Our goal isn’t to be right or to be seen as right, but to do good.

And this brings us back to the question of what is good. Humanism bases our values on compassion. But it isn’t enough to have a value system, you also need to prioritize certain values above others so that when you have a tough decision to make you know what you consider to be ultimately good. In other words, what is your ultimate goal?  For me, as a Humanist, my ultimate goal or good is to live my life fully, love other people and leave the world a better place. This is what I aspire to.

Knowing what my ultimate good is helps me make difficult decisions precisely because when all other things are equal – I can use these goals as a way to decide which path to take and feel pretty good about it.

To learn more about how a Humanist combines compassion based ethics, critical thinking and personal responsibility into a holistic approach to life, consider taking Living Made Simpler at Humanist Learning Systems.

Values as a Valid Management Technique

Why appealing to our higher selves is so appealing.

The NY Times had a great article about how to raise a moral child. See: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/opinion/sunday/raising-a-moral-child.html?_r=0 

In a nutshell, the research shows that when you ask a kid to help, they mostly will. But, they will be more excited about helping and do a better job, when you encourage them to be a helper.   And, you can apparently cut cheating in half if you say, “don’t be a cheater” instead of “don’t cheat.”

What’s the difference?  Well, in the first case, you are giving a direction for a specific action at a specific time. In the 2nd, you are encouraging moral behavior for the sake of moral behavior.

Don’t be a cheater is a reflection on someone’s character. Don’t cheat is direction that only applies to this specific instance. If you want to raise a moral child, you have to praise and value moral character, not moral behavior.  Seems counter intuitive, but there you go.

The converse is true of getting rid of bad behavior. You want to encourage guilt about the specific situation, but encourage doing better in the future - via praise of good character.   It’s the difference between guilt and shame.

The question is - DO these tactics work with adults?  And can they translate into management techniques?  And the answer is yes.

You can’t just focus on good behavior – you have to instill a sense of character excellence in your employees, not just by word, by through action.  The places that are judged the best places to work are routinely those where the employee feels respected and valued.  How does a company manifest that – by actually respecting the autonomy of the worker!

They focus on ideals of excellence and they don’t worry too much about how something gets done. They trust their employees to get their work done without having a task master at a drum telling them when and how to row that boat.  I’m talking to you Amazon and your incessant data tracking so that your employees don’t steal minutes from you while they take a bathroom break!

Anyway – Focusing on the values and ideals you want your employees to manifest as opposed to specific behaviors and you should end up with really wonderful employees for the most part.

What are your thoughts?  Are values a valid management technique?

How to raise moral children

Why praising character works more than praising behavior

According to this article in the New York Times, praising kids character traits encourages them to live up to the ideals of those character traits. Praising the behavior does not. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/opinion/sunday/raising-a-moral-child.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=OP_RaM_20140413&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=5

So – if a kid doesn't cheat on a test – saying, thank you for not cheating, won’t have much of an impact. Saying, wow – you’re so honest – I like that about you does.

It gives a kid something to strive for. A goal to be reached. It provides a sense of identity. And don’t we all need that? 

On any given day my behavior may or may not reach up to the ideal I set for myself. The point is, that I have an ideal I've set for myself. And that ideal is a value, not a particular behavior. 

It’s the value that determines my character and whether I am moral or not. If I tried to be moral by defining each specific behavior that I consider to be good, I would have an endless task. The permutation of possible behaviors is endless. Which is why I think religions that have rules of behavior fail to create moral people.

As a Humanist, my goal is to be the best most ethical human I can be. This is a moral ideal. It doesn't tell me what sort of sex is moral and what isn't. It doesn't tell me what food I can eat or not eat.  Instead, it encourages me to think about my behavior in each situation I find myself in to figure out what a good ethical person would do. And then, do that to the best of my ability.

Since reading this article, I have become aware of how I discuss moral behavior with my son. And I try to make a conscious effort to talk about the sort of person he wants to be instead of just praising him for certain behaviors.  I've noticed when I discuss his moral character; he does light up and become excited. The idea of being a good person resonates with him in a way that – doing your homework does not.

Your exercise for the week, is to remind yourself about your ethical character. And if you are parent, to try and integrate ethical character praise to your child this week and see how your child responds. Good luck. 

Ten Humanist Commitments

We Humanists don’t do commandments. We do, however, feel very strongly about our commitments to others.  This is why the Kochhar Humanist Education Center has issued 10 Humanist Commitments to Education.  These are the values Humanists feel should be taught in our schools.  http://cohe.humanistinstitute.org/?page_id=14747

The website also includes resources in case you want to teach your own children these values and skills. For the record, the 10 values Humanist feel we should be committed to teaching our children are:

1. Altruism
2. Caring for the World Around Us
3. Critical Thinking
4. Empathy
5. Ethical Development
6. Global Awareness
7. Humility
8. Peace and Social Justice
9. Responsibility
10. Service and Participation

 “This ethical mission is an essential part of all education, public and private, elementary through high school and university.  In a democratic and pluralist society, we believe that the values presented should be the moral foundation of education.”

If you agree – add your name to the document. http://cohe.humanistinstitute.org/?page_id=14747

Dogma Free

The staff of the AHA

I was recently re-reading Humanism and its Aspirations by the American Humanist Association. The American Humanist Association makes it very clear: this statement isn’t about what we must believe as Humanists, it’s a statement about what we do believe.

This is incredibly important because Humanism has no dogma. We are dogma free. What that means is that you don’t have to believe the same things that Humanists do. However, if you do, you are probably a Humanist.

So, what is it that we Humanists do believe? Well, here is the list according to Humanism and its Aspirations. I encourage you to read the entire document for full details.

• Science is the best method for determining knowledge 
• Humans are an integral part of nature
• Our values are grounded in human welfare
• Life's fulfillment emerges from individual participation in the service of humane ideals
• Humans are social by nature and find meaning in relationships, and
• Working to benefit society maximizes individual happiness

If you believe these things to, you may be a Humanist.