Which is more important: Effectiveness or Efficiency.

 Effectiveness is more important than efficiency.

Why?

At the end of the day, either the problem gets solved or it doesn’t. I don’t care how efficient a solution is, if it doesn’t solve my problem, I’ve still got a problem, except that I just wasted time on a solution that didn’t work.  

To me, it is more efficient to focus on whether something will be effective.   If I must solve a problem twice, because my first solution didn’t work, that’s not an efficient use of my time.

Learn more: 

Yes - I do have an online course that can help you learn how to solve problems effectively and efficiently. It's called Reality Based Decision Making for Effective Strategy Development.

https://humanistlearning.com/realitybaseddecisionmaking/

Topics Discussed

1) 1 simple technique to ensure you focus your real problem and not a proxy problem
2) 6 critical thinking skills necessary to ensure your strategy is reality based
3) How to evaluate your alternatives scientifically

The emotional benefits of accepting reality

The price of rejecting reality is high.

I have a course I teach called “Reality based decision making for effective strategy development (see https://humanistlearning.com/programsoffered/  for details).  Failure to accept reality means your plans, whatever they are – are likely to fail. Sure, you could get lucky, but I’d rather be smart and strategic than lucky. Smart and Strategic tends to yield better results.

The problem with reality is that it can be scary.  Accepting reality means not always knowing how things are going to turn out. It means confronting uncertainty and the unknown. It means accepting that despite all your good intentions and strategic approach and smarts, you still may not succeed.  That’s reality.  And it sucks. I’m not going to lie to you about that.

But this post is about the emotional benefits of accepting reality. Why on earth am I telling you how scary accepting reality is?  Because – despite how scary it can be, accepting reality is emotionally satisfying. It really does help your mental health to remain grounded in reality – even when reality sucks.

Here is my rule. You cannot solve your problems until you acknowledge you have a problem. And as long as you aren’t solving your problem, you will continue to have a problem. And having problems sucks. I would much rather confront my fears so I can confront my problems that stick my head in the sand and hope for the best.  Again, I could get lucky, but sticking my head in the sands means I don’t see the dangers coming and I can’t protect myself from those dangers.

I am a Humanist. I refuse to leave my fate up to fate. I am a proactive doer. I can get things done. I can change the odds in my favor. I refuse to hope for the best. Not when I can be doing something constructive to create positive change for myself.

One of my favorite quotes is “If you are going through hell, keep going.” From Winston Churchill.  Accepting reality is scary. But staying stuck in a living hell is even scarier.  Accepting my present reality is an act of courage. It puts me in a position to change my current reality and make a new one. Accepting reality, however bad it may be is empowering. And being empowered is good for your emotional health.

Whose Fault is It?

Anger and the blame game might feel emotionally satisfying, but they rarely help us solve our problems.

When things go wrong, most of us get angry.  And then we try to figure out who is to blame for the problem.  The problem is, this won’t help us solve our problem.

It is emotionally satisfying to get mad.  It helps motivate us to take action. But when the action is to blame someone, our actions move us away from problem solving.

It seems figuring out who is to blame should work. After all, if someone caused the problem, they should fix it right?  Well, in an ideal world, yes.  But we don’t live in the ideal world. We live in the real world.  And in the real world, the person responsible may or may not be capable of fixing the problem they caused.

First, they may not know how to fix the problem.

Second, it might not be in their best interest to fix the problem.

Third, they might not care if the problem is fixed or not.

Relying on the person you are blaming for the problem to fix the problem is not a good strategy if you want to actually fix the problem. This is why as good as it feels to assign blame you are better off focusing on what you can constructively do to solve the problem.

If you need help, seek it out. Just be aware, people are more willing to help you solve your problems if they aren’t being blamed for them. Which is yet another reason why you should avoid playing the blame game.

Supernaturalism, Imagination & Assumptions

Where there is no imagination there is no horror. ~Arthur Conan Doyle, Sr.

I love me a good horror movie. One with lots of supernatural terror. This may seem strange, since I am a Humanist and a naturalist (note – naturalist is not the same as naturist – the former is about embracing the natural world, the latter is about wandering about naked – as nature intended).

Anyway – while I love contemplating supernaturalism, I don’t worry about it. It’s safe horror fun. Which is why I enjoy horror movies. It’s harmless fun. Mostly.

The problem is when belief in supernatural things exceeds common sense.

I have a kid. He loves to imagine scary supernatural things. But the reason he does it is because he has a good imagination.  And what he doesn’t know, he imagines. And he makes assumptions.

Upon seeing a dark room, he can’t see what’s in it. So his imagination runs wild. Is that dark room empty, like his mom says? Or does it have a Neanderthal in it (don’t ask – geeky kids have unusual fears). And if there is a neanderthal in the room, does it want to eat him? As this point my son doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to find out – so I am called to turn on the light for him – so he can put his fearful imagination to rest and realize – yes – the room is indeed empty.

While this might seem like typical child stuff – some adults do this too. They don’t know something, so they imagine something. Their imagination scares them and they don’t seem to have the courage to turn on the light to find out if what they imagined is real or not. So they assume what they imagine to be real and rather test their assumptions, because that is scary, try to avoid the room altogether.  It’s not a very adult way of dealing with problems is it.

Why do Humanists reject supernaturalism?  Because, we all suffer from the supernatural imagination assumption problem. We all have irrational fears.  When we explicitly choose to reject supernaturalism, we remind ourselves that things aren’t probably as bad as we imagine them to be. It’s unlikely there is a monster in my room and so if I just add a little light of science – I might actually be able to see reality for what it really is instead of how I imagine it to be.

And if I have the courage to face my fears, I may just be surprised by how amazing life can be.

Don’t Give Up

The past few years have been really hard for me and my family. Medical problems, financial problems, emotional problems that come with having medical and financial problems.  And while we aren’t out of the wood yet, I am a firm believing in not giving up.

One of my favorite quotes is from Winston Churchill. “If you are going through hell, keep going.”  Don’t stop and don’t give up – keep on going until you get out of there.

That doesn’t mean we can do it alone or that we don’t need to take breaks. It just means that we need to not accept the status quo if the status quo sucks.  Keep working on trying to change it until things get better.  Baby steps if you have to.

This encouragement to keep at it doesn’t mean to keep doing the same things that aren’t working.  If something you are doing isn’t working, try something else.  Keep experimenting until you find a way through.

To motivate you on your way today – enjoy this version of Peter Gabrial’s Don’t Give Up sung by Pink with Herbie Hancock and John Legend

Post by P!nk Australia.

It takes a village

Humanist parenting – collectively – even when the other parents aren't humanists.

I live in a nice neighborhood. We have a lot of kids, they all run around playing together. My son has the requisite scrapes and bug bites one would expect of a kid who spends time playing outside with friends.

And, as is to be expected, not all the kids are nice and wonderful. It happens.  And I think my approach as  humanist has really helped. Not just me, but the kids and the other parents.

You see, I don’t assume that just because a kid is acting inappropriate that there is anything wrong with them or that their parents are horrid and teaching them to be bad. I assume, instead, that they are a little kid who may have picked up some bad habits. Sure, it could be caused by bad parenting, but then again, that’s an assumption.

Whenever we have had problems, I go to the other parent and talk to them.  I realize this is a shocking thing to do but here’s what happens. We, together, end up making plan to help their kid learn how to behave better.  I know I would want to know if my son was being a horrid little shit to other kids. And so far, the other parents have appreciated knowing what their kid has been getting up to while they are out of sight.

It really does take a village and it takes compassion and trust and a willingness to reach out and help one another to help these kids learn how to maximize their strengths while learning how to be fair and kind to other kids at the same time. Because in every instance, the problems were a result of a highly intelligent child learning they can manipulate others.  That’s heady power. And with great power comes great responsibility. Our jobs is not to shut energy and talent down but to help the child learn how to channel that power for good.

And isn’t that a much more proactive and powerful way to think about interpersonal dynamics your kid is experiencing?   Will this work every time?  No. But unless you reach out to the other parents to see if that is what they want for their kid, you will never know. Don’t write off the obnoxious kids without learning more about them and their families. Just don’t.  Extend to them the same compassion you would want for yourself.