Hope - Joy - and Existential Dread

 My son was working on a - intro to himself paper for his teacher. Actually it was an odd poem form.  One of the lines was - Hope - Joy - Existential Dread.

It makes sense. Most of the time, he's pretty happy. Even though he hasn't seen his friends in person since - March! 

He's back in school - but only virtually. His friends that went back - didn't want to because - Covid - but he said they have a morbid humor about it. Apparently - they are all going to die from climate change - so why would it matter if they die a few years early. 

The adult in me - is horrified. Children should NOT be thinking like that. On the other hand - I remember doing duck and cover drills for nuclear war when I was a kid, living in Los Angeles, - ground zero. All our parents worked in aerospace. And I remember - every time we did a duck and cover drill how stupid it was because - while hiding under a desk can save us from an earthquake - it can't save us from disintegration.  My best friend Meghan and I agreed - if we heard the sirens go off for real (we had a noon test of the warning system daily), we would head to the beach and - die there. 

My son and his friends existential dread - is horrifying as a parent - but also - kind of normal when I think back on my childhood. 

I actually think my son's approach - that he is both hopeful and joyful and filled with existential dread - is just - normal for life.  Whoopie, We're all going to die! That predates me. So does - How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb. 

Should we worry about our children? Of course. But worrying about death is - to a certain extent normal and we all have to come to terms with our eventual mortality and be grateful for the time we do have. 

Living beats the alternative. 

Things don't need to be perfect

 School has started up again - in the time of Covid.

Which means - in my part of the world - kids are either in school full time, part time or doing e-learning.

It's a tough time for everyone.

My son is doing e-learning. It's not ideal and it's not perfect. And that's ok.

I don't expect him to be perfect. I never was. 

What do I hope he gets out of this year?  I hope he gets out of this year - alive. I hope we get out of it alive.

Academically - I hope he participates and does the work to the best of his ability.

Does his work have to be perfect? No. Do his teachers need to be perfect? No. Do I need to be perfect? No. Does he need to be perfect? No. 

Sometimes it's enough to just get by and try to maintain your sanity.

This is one of those times. So - yes - push your kids. Just - let go of the need to be perfect.

Deltas – Positively Reinforced

This is for parents who would like to have more positive relationships with their children despite the need to say no!

One of the main things I teach is how to use operant conditioning to improve interpersonal relationships.  I am also a parent and yes, I use these techniques on my child and my husband and no – it’s not manipulative, it’s positively reinforcing the positive behaviors I want to see in myself and them.