Hope - Joy - and Existential Dread

 My son was working on a - intro to himself paper for his teacher. Actually it was an odd poem form.  One of the lines was - Hope - Joy - Existential Dread.

It makes sense. Most of the time, he's pretty happy. Even though he hasn't seen his friends in person since - March! 

He's back in school - but only virtually. His friends that went back - didn't want to because - Covid - but he said they have a morbid humor about it. Apparently - they are all going to die from climate change - so why would it matter if they die a few years early. 

The adult in me - is horrified. Children should NOT be thinking like that. On the other hand - I remember doing duck and cover drills for nuclear war when I was a kid, living in Los Angeles, - ground zero. All our parents worked in aerospace. And I remember - every time we did a duck and cover drill how stupid it was because - while hiding under a desk can save us from an earthquake - it can't save us from disintegration.  My best friend Meghan and I agreed - if we heard the sirens go off for real (we had a noon test of the warning system daily), we would head to the beach and - die there. 

My son and his friends existential dread - is horrifying as a parent - but also - kind of normal when I think back on my childhood. 

I actually think my son's approach - that he is both hopeful and joyful and filled with existential dread - is just - normal for life.  Whoopie, We're all going to die! That predates me. So does - How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb. 

Should we worry about our children? Of course. But worrying about death is - to a certain extent normal and we all have to come to terms with our eventual mortality and be grateful for the time we do have. 

Living beats the alternative. 

Happiness and Existential Angst

We all experience existential angst at some point – but are there ways to answer these questions in such a way that will help us to eliminate that stress and be happier?

I think the answer is yes.  According to – this page - http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/types/existential – existential anxiety is a product of not having good answers to the big questions of life – like – who am I, why am I here, and do I have a purpose. As well as the really big question – how much control do I really have over my life?

The big problem seems to not know.  When we don’t know what the future will hold, we get nervous.  Really nervous. When we don’t feel like we can control what happens to us in the future, we get nervous too. Trying to figure out whether our actions will help us or hurt us – stresses us out.

And if we don’t figure out how to cope with that stress – it can overwhelm us.

As a Humanist – I cope with not knowing by accepting I don’t know. And I realize that may seem really strange. How can accepting something that is stressing you out – help you relax.  Well – when I accept that I can’t know – I stop trying to know. So I stop expending my mental energy on it and – that’s what relaxation is.

Who am I?  I don’t really know. I mean I know my name and who I want to be. But who am I and why am I?  I don’t have an answer to that and I’m actually totally ok with that. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I have accepted that those questions don’t actually have answers. And so I don’t have to ponder them anymore.

What is my purpose in life?  Well, that one is a bit more interesting and can have a really good answer.  I can’t know if I have an “ultimate” purpose or not – so I choose to not worry about that. But I can decide who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. And it turns out – that’s enough. In fact, it’s REALLY satisfying.

There is a reason this blog has as its tag – encouraging people to live ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity.  That’s my life’s purpose. To help other people adopt a similar purpose. And the great thing about this – is – working towards it makes me happy.

Do I need answers to the big questions to be happy? No. I just need to do my best with the life I have to do my best to be my best. And stop worrying about things that don’t really matter. Like – whether I have an ultimate purpose in life or not. Can’t know it and if I do – I do – but clearly – not knowing is part of how I’m supposed to do this thing called life – so let’s get on with it.

The Problem of Existence

How a Humanist copes with an existential depression.

When I was 17 years old I had an existential depression. It lasted about 2 weeks. I apparently got off lucky. I learned about existential depressions the following year in a philosophy class and some people suffer from these for years.

An existential depression is when your brain decides it’s going to figure out the meaning of life and existence and doesn’t allow you to think of anything else until if finds satisfactory answers. At least, that’s how it was for me. The problem is that since there aren’t any satisfactory answers to the existential questions of life, people can struggle with this for a while.

According to experts (Yalom – the existential psychiatrist according to Wikipedia) says that there are 4 basic ultimate concerns of existence. These are: death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness.

Humanism, I think, provides excellent solutions to these problems, which is probably why my existential angst period was so short. It probably helped that I was raised as a freethinker so these conclusions weren't a huge stretch for me.

On death – it is. Accept it. There is no getting around it. Might as well make the most of it when you are here. No point worrying about it because after you die, you cease to exist and so it won’t bother you anymore.

On Freedom – you can do anything you want, but that doesn’t mean those things you do will make you happy. You still have to live with the consequences of your actions. We are inter-dependent and our actions affect other people and their actions affect us. Might as well make the best of it and do what you can to be a benefit to yourself and others.

On Isolation – true, we are stuck inside our own heads. However, we are biologically related to all life on earth and chemically connected to the universe itself.  I’m never really alone or isolated. I’m part of an amazing ecosystem. When I feel like I’m struggling with something no one understands, I have to laugh, because someone else has not only been through this before, they’ve gotten through it. And if they can? I can! I haven’t felt isolated or alone since having this thought.

Finally – meaninglessness.  this is the biggie. Even bigger than accepting my mortality. Camus said, life is absurd. There is no meaning. And, as with death, it turns out that just accepting that reality opens up life tremendously.  There is no grand plan. I am alive and at some point I will die. I have complete freedom. How will I use that freedom? Selfishly?  Or, will I accept that in the grand scheme of things what I do doesn’t matter, but that in the smaller scheme of things it matters a lot. It matters to me. It matters to the people who love me here and now. I can either honor those relationships here and now and gather my meaning from that, or give myself over to the false nihilism of thinking that nothing matters.  Things do matter. Right now. And that is enough for me.

As  look through this list – it seems to me that the solution to all these existential problems, from a Humanist perspective, is acceptance. Accept the reality of these things and don’t let the immensity of the universe scare you. You are both made of star stuff and tiny at the same time.

As Pascal once said, “a man does not show his greatness by being at one extremity, but rather by touching both at once.”