Learning how to argue effectively

I was recently introduced to an online game that teachers logic and debate and more importantly the rules of debate and how to recognize valid and invalid arguments.

It's a pretty cool game to play and a neat way to learn debate techniques.  How to ask questions and get clarification so you can understand what is being said in a debate and what it means.

You will notice - it's a game that teaches you how to ask questions.  Not how to argue. And that's important because the skill of asking questions - good questions - is a good skill to learn. It's also how you learn to "win" arguments. 

You can play the game here for free - http://socratesjones.com/

Now - if you want to learn how to win a debate or how to win an argument - you need to take my online course on Socratic Jujitsu - https://humanistlearning.com/socratic-jujitsu/

Being the Adult

Why reminding yourself to not act like a child when you get in an argument matters.

I am the first one to admit that I don’t always practice what I preach. I have this cool new course on how to win arguments without arguing (see: https://humanistlearning.com/socratic-jujitsu/) and I still find myself doing everything I say not to do in my course.

Whenever I act childish, I get the exact results I predict I would get in my course. I don’t win and I look like a childish idiot.

3 Ways to Lose an Argument

We all argue. We can’t help ourselves. Disagreements between humans are common. The question for those of us trying to be enlightened is this: How can we disagree civilly while still making our case? How can we convince others we are right while still respecting our opponent despite the fact they are clearly idiots? 

The fact that this is how most of us approach arguments and how we think of our goals while arguing highlights how unenlightened the very idea of winning an argument really is. Regardless, if you really want to win an argument or at least not lose an argument here are three things to avoid.

The Art of Persuasion

That sounds nice doesn’t it. Art is peaceful and serene. Persuading people to do what you need or want them to do peacefully. Yeah – so how exactly do we do that?

Persuasion means getting people to do something or believe something you want them to do or believe. It means getting them to agree with you so that some end you have in mind will be accomplished.

Disagreeing – Professionally

The goal of any professional, or rather anyone who considers themselves to be professional, is to disagree civilly. That is what makes a professional a professional. They don’t get riled up.   This is professional, not personal.

That’s the ideal. The reality ... yeah – most of us get riled up. So, the question is – how can we maintain our professional standards of conduct and still disagree and still be heard and still make our point when other people are taking it personally.  And how can we not take it personally when they so clearly make it personal?

How to win an argument

How to win an argument by not arguing.

Consider this a lesson in socratic jujitsu.  Business Insider had an article recently on how to win an argument. See: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-win-an-argument-2014-5

Their answer. Don’t argue or debate. If  you want people to agree with you,  instead of telling them why their ideas are stupid, ask them to discuss how their proposed solution would work – step by step – give them the benefit of the doubt.

What this does is changes what is happening from a debate to be won to a problem to be solved. And you have engaged them in the problem solving process.  As you ask questions about how exactly their proposal would work, you can help them find out their proposals weak points in a way that isn't threatening. Again, this is you trying to help them make a solution that will work – starting where they are – with their proposal.

As they work through the details, it will be obvious where the weak points are and how to shore them up and to fix them so that the proposal works. All without actually arguing.

So if you want to win an argument, stop arguing. Stop debating. Foster inquiry instead.