When Crisis Hits: A Humanist Way of Coping

 Today, my husband was in a bad car accident.

Thanks to modern vehicles and sheer luck, he’s okay. The man who hit him is okay too. There are injuries, but nothing life-threatening. We are fortunate—and I don’t use that word lightly.

This can happen to anyone. No one is immune.

A few months ago I went out to lunch with a new friend. Within two weeks of meeting her, her husband became gravely ill. For the past two months, she’s been shuttling him from doctor to doctor, trying to solve a terrifying mystery. He can’t breathe properly, but it’s not his heart. It’s not his lungs. No one knows why.

And while the crisis drags on, life doesn’t pause.

Work still needs to be done. Food still needs to be bought. Bills still need to be paid. The mundane mechanics of life keep grinding forward, even when everything feels fragile.

When my husband called me from the accident scene, I went into what I call “what’s next mode.”

What needs to be done right now?
What information needs to be gathered?
Who needs to be called?
What needs to happen tomorrow?

Doctor visits. Insurance claims. Lawyers. Logistics.

I didn’t panic. I didn’t freeze. I did what needed to be done. I took care of my husband. Then I cooked dinner. I folded laundry.

And then I started shaking.

Because once the immediate needs were met, reality caught up with me.

He could have died today.
The other man could have died today.

We aren’t guaranteed anything.

How Humanism Helps Me Cope

As a Humanist, I find that confronting this reality—honestly and without softening it—actually helps me cope.

We aren’t special.
Bad things happen.
They happen to everyone, eventually.

I waste zero time on “Why me?”
I already know the answer.

Because this is what being human means.

Sometimes we get lucky. Sometimes we don’t. That’s not punishment or destiny—it’s reality. And because that’s my starting point, I can accept what’s happening faster than if I believed there was a larger meaning to decode or a cosmic explanation I was owed.

I think this is one of the quiet strengths of Humanism.

Because we don’t believe we are protected or chosen, we accept reality sooner. And acceptance frees up energy—not for denial or bargaining, but for action.

Action Doesn’t Mean Emotional Absence

This doesn’t mean Humanists don’t feel deeply. We do.

I’m feeling it now—in the shaking, in the delayed adrenaline, in the sudden awareness of how close today came to going very differently.

But Humanism biases us toward reality-based action.

What can I do right now to make this situation a little bit better?

That question matters. It’s grounding. It gives us traction when everything feels unstable.

Action doesn’t erase grief or fear—but it keeps us moving through it instead of being consumed by it.

It’s Okay to Be Human

Crisis exposes something important: there is no “right” way to respond.

Sometimes the most human response is efficiency.
Sometimes it’s numbness.
Sometimes it’s tears that come hours—or days—later.

All of that is normal.

Humanism doesn’t ask us to transcend our humanity. It asks us to work with it.

To face reality as it is.
To care for one another because no one else is coming to save us.
To make things a little better where we can.

Humanistic Leadership in Crisis Situations

This same approach applies in workplace crises. Layoffs, public failures, harassment investigations, sudden leadership changes—these moments trigger fear and uncertainty just as powerfully as personal emergencies. Good leaders don’t dismiss emotions, but they don’t drown in them either. They make space for people to be human and help teams focus on what can be done next. What problems are solvable right now? What support is needed? What clarity can be provided? Reality-based leadership in crisis isn’t cold—it’s compassionate, stabilizing, and deeply human.

The Only Guarantee We Have

Every day we have with the people we love is a gift.

Not because it’s divinely granted.
Not because it’s deserved.
But because it’s temporary.

Knowing that doesn’t make life bleak for me—it makes it precious.

Today reminded me how thin the line is between “ordinary” and “everything changed.” And tomorrow, like today, will still require groceries, emails, and laundry.

But it will also require something else:

Presence. Gratitude. And the courage to keep acting in a world that offers no guarantees.

That, to me, is the Humanist response to crisis.

Learn More:

If you want to learn more - My first book and course can help.  I explore how to live humanistically, even when things are difficult or horrifying.

Book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness - https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Course: Living Made Simpler - https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

I don't sugar coat things. Life is often hard.  But that doesn't mean it's not also awesome.  There is a duality to life's experiences. Or rather a triality.  Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's horrible and sometimes it is just ok.  If you let me, I can teach you how to cope in a way that will help you - make life, the good and the bad and the meh - simpler. 

Diversity, Critical Thinking, and the Question: What Don’t You Know?

Asking better questions builds better teams. Diversity helps us see what we don’t know and avoid costly blind spots before they happen.

I wanted to share this hilarious case study with you. I was recently offered a Gonift certificate through ParkMobile. So naturally, I did what any reasonably curious person does: I went online to find out what Gonift actually is.

And what I found made me laugh out loud. Like, hysterically. Because there are really only two possibilities here—and neither one is great. Before I explain why, here’s what Google helpfully summarizes (and I’m keeping this quote intact for a reason):

"Gonift" can refer to two very different things: a Hebrew/Yiddish term for a thief or swindler, or it can refer to GoNift (Nift), a digital platform that offers personalized gift certificates for products and experiences like food, beauty, and fitness, often through partnerships with other apps. The context usually makes it clear which meaning is intended.

1. Goniff (Hebrew/Yiddish)
Meaning: A thief, swindler, cheat, or generally dishonest person.
Pronunciation: GAH-niv.

2. GoNift (Nift)
What it is: A service that provides personalized gift cards for various merchants (restaurants, apparel, spas, etc.).
How it works: You receive a code (via email, app, etc.), enter it at GoNift.com, specify your interests, and get matched with a certificate for a local business.
Purpose: To help users discover new local businesses and services.

Now, back to those two possibilities.

Possibility #1: They Knew Exactly What the Word Meant

If the founders or decision-makers knew that “goniff” means thief or swindler in Hebrew/Yiddish and went with it anyway… then I’m not particularly interested in trusting them with my data, my time, or my money.

Even if the business itself is legitimate, that choice signals something important: a comfort with irony that relies on other people not knowing what the word means. That’s not clever branding - it’s a trust problem.

Possibility #2: They Had No One on the Team Who Could Tell Them

This is the more likely, and more instructive, scenario.

It means:

• No one involved recognized the word AND they didn't bother to google it. 

• No one thought to ask, “Does this name mean something in another language?”

• Or worse: someone did know and wasn’t listened to

And that is where diversity and critical thinking intersect.

Diversity Isn’t About Checking Boxes. It’s About Catching Blind Spots

This isn’t a story about hurt feelings or cultural sensitivity for its own sake. It’s a story about unknown unknowns.

Critical thinking isn’t just analyzing what’s in front of you. It’s asking:

• What might we be missing?

• Who would see something here that I wouldn’t?

• Who should I ask before we finalize this decision?

If you don’t have people around you with different cultural backgrounds, languages, life experiences, or perspectives, you are far more likely to make avoidable mistakes—and not even realize it.

A five-minute conversation with one Yiddish-speaking or Jewish team member (or consultant, or friend) could have stopped this dead in its tracks.

How Smart Teams Actually Use Diversity

The real value of diversity isn’t representation photos on a website. It’s access to knowledge you don’t personally have.

High-functioning teams:

• Encourage people to speak up when something feels “off”

• Reward questions like, “Should we double-check that?”

• Actively ask people who might know more than they do

That’s not political. That’s good risk management.

Why I’m Not Accepting the Gift Card

At the end of the day, I chose not to accept the Gonift certificate.

Not because I think everyone involved is malicious—but because this naming decision signals either:

• A comfort with deception, or

• A lack of curiosity and due diligence

Neither inspires confidence.  Seriously - they don't seem to have even - googled the term! 

The Takeaway

Diversity matters because you cannot Google what you don’t realize you should question.

Critical thinking requires humility and the willingness to admit:

“There are things I don’t know, and people who know more than I do.”

The smartest organizations don’t just tolerate those people.
They actively seek them out AND listen.

Because sometimes, the difference between a clever brand and an embarrassing mistake is simply having someone in the room who can say:

“Uh… you might want to rethink that name.”

The Rule of Threes: Break the Dichotomy, But Stay Focused

 

The Counterintuitive Power of Limiting Yourself to Three Ideas

When people hear “think outside the box,” they usually imagine expanding possibilities—more ideas, more options, more creativity. But here’s the paradox: expanding your thinking can actually help you focus it.

In my work on humanistic management and humanistic living—especially in teaching critical thinking skills—I’ve found that people often struggle not because they lack ideas, but because they feel overwhelmed by too many possible directions, or trapped inside a false either/or choice. So I teach a simple, deceptively powerful tool: the Rule of Threes.

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The Rule of Threes: Break the Dichotomy, But Stay Focused

When solving a problem, I encourage learners to generate at least three possible solutions. Not one. Not two.

Three.

Why three?

1. It breaks false dichotomies.

Much of our daily thinking runs on autopilot, and that leads to binary traps:

• “It’s this or that.”

• “Do I quit or stay?”

• “Do we choose option A or B?”

Advertisers use this all the time—manufacturing the illusion of only two choices so the “right” one seems obvious.

Requiring three possibilities short-circuits this mental habit. As soon as you generate a third option, your brain shifts gears from decision mode to creative mode. Once three options exist, people can usually think of four or five—because they’ve escaped the mental cul-de-sac.

2. Creativity scales through repetition.

If you can create three ideas once, you can do it again. The brain learns that ideation is a process, not a miracle. This builds confidence and momentum.

3. Paradoxically, limiting to three options increases focus.

This is the counterintuitive part.

When people feel overwhelmed—too many choices, too much uncertainty—asking them to think “outside the box” can backfire. More ideas become more noise.

So the Rule of Threes does two things simultaneously:

• Expands thinking beyond the obvious two choices

• Constrains thinking so it doesn’t sprawl into paralysis

It’s the sweet spot: just enough ideas to escape limitation, but not so many that clarity dissolves.

When people limit themselves (even arbitrarily) to three possible solutions, something important happens:

• The mind stops spiraling.

• Attention narrows.

• Evaluation becomes manageable.

• Action becomes possible.

Three options are few enough to examine deeply, but many enough to break the illusion that only two paths exist.

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Why This Works Psychologically

Cognitively, humans are wired to work well with small, structured sets. Three items…

• Give a sense of completeness

• Are easy to compare

• Fit within working memory

• Reduce anxiety tied to choice overload

This makes the Rule of Threes a kind of mental focusing lens—a way to use creativity to produce clarity, not chaos.

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When to Use the Rule of Threes

• When feeling stuck between two unsatisfying choices

• When overwhelmed by too many possibilities

• When trying to step outside conventional thinking

• When starting any brainstorming or prioritization session

It applies to personal decisions, leadership situations, design thinking, conflict resolution, and coaching conversations.

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A Practical Example

Imagine you're deciding how to respond to a difficult situation at work. You initially see only two choices:

1. Say nothing and stay frustrated

2. Confront the person directly

Using the Rule of Threes, you must generate at least one more:

3. Ask for a mediated conversation

4. Send a thoughtful email instead of an in-person confrontation

5. Clarify expectations with your manager first

Suddenly, the problem looks different. You’re no longer trapped. You’re choosing intentionally.

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In Short

Thinking outside the box doesn’t require infinite possibilities.
Sometimes, all it takes is three.

Three ideas: enough to open the mind.
Only three ideas: enough to focus it.

The Rule of Threes helps people move beyond false dichotomies and avoid the overwhelm of unlimited choice. It’s counterintuitive—but profoundly effective.

Learn More

If you find tools like the Rule of Threes helpful, you may enjoy diving deeper into the full framework of humanistic management and humanistic living that I teach. My online courses and books offer practical, compassionate approaches to thinking, leading, and problem-solving in everyday life. You can explore them anytime at https://humanistlearning.com.

Why Do We Want Money? A Socratic Dialogue on Real Needs

A Humanistic and Socratic exploration of why we chase money, what our true needs are, and how to think critically about both personal and societal systems that shape that chase.

Socrates: Tell me, my friend, why do you want money?
Student: Because I need to pay my bills.

Socrates: And why do you need to pay your bills?
Student: Because if I don’t, I’ll lose my home, my food, my health care.

Socrates: And why would that be a problem?
Student: Because without those things, I could die.

Socrates: So what you truly need is not money itself, but food, water, shelter, and health.
Student: I suppose that’s true.

Socrates: Then why do you focus so much on money?
Student: Because that’s how I get those things.

Socrates: Is it the only way?

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This is where Socratic questioning gets interesting.
When we take time to “go Socratic on ourselves,” we begin to separate real needs from proxy problems — the things we chase because we think they’ll solve the real problem.

Money is a proxy. It’s a means to an end, not the end itself.
When we forget that, we risk optimizing our lives around the wrong goal.

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Thinking Beyond Proxies

When we ask why enough times, we eventually reach bedrock — our core human needs: survival, safety, belonging, purpose. Once we know what those needs really are, we can start thinking more creatively about how to meet them.

For example:
If the goal is water for your field, what can you do?
You could pray for rain.
You could irrigate the field.
You could do both.

But if you only pray and take no action, you leave the outcome to fate — and that is not the Humanist way. Humanism is about taking responsibility for outcomes through reason, compassion, and evidence-based action.  We don't care if you pray - as long as you also take action to fix your problems, whatever they are. 

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Thinking Beyond the Individual

Once you apply this kind of questioning to your personal life, it’s natural to extend it to society.

Why do people lose their health care when they lose their jobs?
Because our system ties health care to employment.
Why do we tie health care to employment?
Because we’ve decided that’s how it should work.

Can we decide differently?
Yes.

That’s the power of Socratic questioning — it helps us see that many of our systems are not inevitable. They are choices we made, and we can make different ones.

This is just an example. My main point is that we need to know we have options if we are to seek those options out. Will those options be better than what we have now? I don't know. This is about exploring options and using critical thinking to help us think outside the box of the here and now to propose possible futures. 

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The Humanist Lesson

If you want to become more effective in your life — and as a citizen — practice this:
Ask why.  

Why are you working on this problem?  Why did you answer the way you did? Keep asking why until you identify what you are really trying to do and why you are trying to do it. You can stop when you get to the - if I don't do this - bad things will happen. That's when you've identified your real problem. 

Follow the logic to its roots.
Identify your real need.
And then, take reasoned action to meet it.

The more we do this — individually and collectively — the better we get at solving real problems instead of chasing proxies.  I use this method as a way to teach people the critical thinking skills they need to be more effective and strategic in their actions.

Critical thinking isn't just about making sure you are being logical and using science, though that is important. It is also the practice of self interrogation, so you can be more effective by helping focusing on your real problems

When we think critically and act compassionately, we don’t just survive — we thrive.