Facing Adversity as a Humanist: Embracing Reality, Love, and Pragmatism

 The Humanist Approach to Adversity

In the face of life's challenges, Humanism offers a unique perspective that empowers individuals to confront adversity with strength, resilience, and compassion. Unlike religious or spiritual frameworks, Humanism is rooted in reality, grounded in love, and embraces a pragmatic approach to navigating life's trials. In this blog post, we will explore how Humanists face adversity and why their philosophy provides a solid foundation for coping with various difficult situations.

Defining Humanism: Reality, Love, and Pragmatism

At its core, Humanism is a life philosophy that places human values, reason, and ethics at the forefront. It emphasizes the importance of basing beliefs and actions on evidence and critical thinking, rather than relying on supernatural or religious dogma. Humanists view the world through a lens of compassion, emphasizing the inherent worth and dignity of every individual. Additionally, they take a pragmatic approach, focusing on practical solutions and realistic perspectives.

Grief: A Humanist Perspective

Grief is a universal experience that affects us all at some point in our lives. When faced with loss and mourning, Humanists approach grief from a non-religious standpoint, which can offer unique benefits. Unlike religious beliefs that often suggest bargaining with a higher power, Humanists recognize that grief is a natural process and not something that can be negotiated. By adopting a scientific approach, they understand that emotions ebb and flow, and there is no need to fear or suppress them. Eventually, the grieving process leads to healing and a more stable emotional state. Humanists can draw strength from the knowledge that grief is a universal human experience, reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Personal Example: Grief is Bad Enough - Don't Add Spiritual Trauma To It

I lost a baby during the 8th month of my pregnancy. During my own experience with grief, I realized that I was the only one in my grief support group who solely dealt with grief without the added burden of religious or spiritual trauma. This realization allowed me to appreciate the strength that comes from confronting grief without supernatural expectations or obligations. Humanism provided me with a framework that focused on accepting the reality of loss, allowing myself to feel emotions without judgment, and understanding that healing would come with time. I didn't have to deal with a world turned upside down. I just had grief - which was enough. Humanism and a non-religious approach spared me the experience of additional spiritual trauma on top of my grief.

Trauma: Science and Self-Empowerment

Traumatic experiences can leave deep emotional scars, and Humanism offers valuable tools to help individuals navigate the healing process. By relying on scientific evidence and understanding, Humanists approach trauma from an empowered standpoint. Rather than waiting for a savior or relying solely on external forces, they embody a "do it" attitude that emphasizes personal agency and resilience. Humanists also hold a fundamental belief in the inherent goodness of humanity, enabling them to seek and accept support from others when needed—a crucial aspect of overcoming trauma.

Personal Example: Overcoming Stalking

In my own journey of healing from a traumatic experience with stalking, I found solace and strength within the Humanist philosophy. Instead of succumbing to fear or hopelessness, I took proactive steps to seek professional help, secure my safety, and regain control over my life. The belief that people are essentially good and willing to help became a guiding principle, providing me with the courage to reach out for support and move forward.

Injuries or Setbacks: Embracing Reality and Seeking Help

No one is immune to setbacks, be it physical injuries or personal setbacks. Humanists approach these challenges by accepting the reality of the situation and formulating a strategic plan to overcome them. Rather than viewing suffering as noble, Humanists understand the importance of taking control over what can be controlled and seeking help when necessary. They acknowledge the power of scientific knowledge and explore avenues such as physical therapy or professional assistance to aid in the healing process.

Personal Example: Overcoming Injuries

A few years back, I almost died. My gallbladder tried to kill me. I was in the hospital for a week to make sure I didn't die of sepsis. My recover took time and there are physical issues I'll deal with for the rest of my life as a result of the surgery.  Embracing the principles of Humanism, I accepted the reality of my situation and devised a strategy to regain my strength and mobility. I sought professional help through physical therapy and massage therapy, understanding that my body's healing process required both scientific knowledge and expert guidance and time.  By taking responsibility for my recovery and actively participating in my rehabilitation, I was able to overcome setbacks and restore my physical well-being and basically get my life back. 

An Optimistic Outlook: Empowerment and Support

In the face of adversity, Humanism offers an optimistic perspective. Humanists believe in their ability to make a positive impact on their own lives and the lives of others. They understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a recognition that some challenges may require more than individual effort. Humanists encourage a sense of community and mutual support, fostering a belief in the innate goodness of humanity. By helping others when possible and seeking assistance when needed, Humanists create a network of support that strengthens their resilience and capacity to overcome adversity.

Conclusion: Embracing Humanism in the Face of Adversity

Facing adversity is an inevitable part of the human experience. However, by adopting a Humanist perspective, we can navigate these challenges with greater strength, compassion, and pragmatism and hopefully get better results as a result. 

Grounded in reality, love, and a scientific approach, Humanism empowers individuals to confront grief, trauma, injuries, and setbacks with resilience and hope. We have the ability and responsibility to make things better, both for ourselves and for others. Whether it is offering help when we can or asking for assistance when needed, we can forge a path forward that transcends suffering and leads to personal growth and collective well-being. Remember, you are not alone—embrace the principles of Humanism, face adversity head-on, and keep moving forward.

Learn More - Get the Book or Take the Online Course:

Discover the transformative power of The Humanist Approach to Happiness, a book that delves deep into the philosophy of Humanism and its application in navigating life's challenges. Drawing upon the principles discussed in this blog post, Ms. Hancock, provides invaluable insights into facing adversity with a reality-based, love-centered, and pragmatic mindset. Whether you're seeking guidance on grief, trauma, or setbacks, this book offers practical strategies, personal anecdotes, and a wealth of wisdom to help you embrace your own resilience and find happiness amidst life's trials. Gain a deeper understanding of Humanism and unlock the tools you need to navigate adversity with strength and compassion.

Book: https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Course:  https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

Reading People’s Emotions

This is a basic life skill and it’s easier to do than many people realize.

The secret – is that the world doesn’t revolve around you.  When you see someone, you are probably making a LOT of assumptions. Your assumptions about them have to do with you and your biases, concerns, fears, insecurities etc.  Part of our assumption is often that – whoever this person is – they are responding to us.

The reality is: they probably aren’t responding to you.  They are their own person with their own fears, insecurities, hopes, dreams and families etc.

If you want to understand what is motivating someone, you have to stop assuming it has to do with you and start actually paying attention to them. Remind yourself that you don’t really know them. They could have lost a child recently, or lost a job. They might be going through a divorce or starting a new love affair. They might have been bullied when they were a kid, or been raped at some point in their past. Their behavior has almost nothing to do with you.

When you open yourself up to the possibility that you don’t actually know enough about them to know what they are responding to and why, other people start to make more sense. Now you are a curious enough to actually look at their behavior with fresh eyes and perhaps ask them questions to get to know them so that you can better understand them.

As soon as you stop assuming they are responding to you or as you would, you can see their emotions more clearly because you have gotten past the filters that were blocking your view because all you could see was yourself and how you would respond if you were them. They aren’t you. Their world doesn’t revolve around you. Allow them to be who they are and you will have a much easier time understanding who they are and what they are experiencing in any given moment.

This sort of advice can be found in my book: The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom and Living Made Simpler – my life skills course.

The hardest part

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The hardest part about solving our problems is realizing we need to let go of some of our pain to do it. Most people are not willing to let go of their pain because it is part of what defines them. They want whatever is happening to be about them, even if what is happening is not pleasant.

The problem is that in difficult interpersonal relationships, if you want to solve your problem, you have to consider your adversary compassionately. Again, most people aren’t willing to do that because they want and need to be the victim in their drama. And so, they would rather allow their problems persist than to consider the possibility that they might be contributing to the problem.

Regardless of how hard it is and how scary this is to do, if you want to heal, you need to find compassion for yourself and your adversary, in that order. You have to love yourself enough to allow yourself to heal by thinking beyond your hurt to consider someone else’s point of view.

In my latest book, The Bully Vaccine, I spend a couple of chapters talking about the need to consider bullies through the lens of compassion. I know full well that most people reading my book will refuse to do this. What they really want is for the bullying to stop without them having to do any hard work.We Humanists live in the real world. We know that if we want something to happen, we need to take responsibility to make it happen.

When it comes to dealing with a bully, you have to know what is actually motivating them. Hint - bullies rarely bully just to be mean or evil. Most are just trying to feel less insecure or are doing it to try and fit in.  Once you understand a bully’s true motivation you use that information to essentially “retrain” them to not bully you.  If you are too wrapped up in your pain to try and see the world through another person’s eyes, you are not going to be able to achieve the emotional distance you need to implement my program.

There are two main benefits of feeling compassion for a bully. The first is that it puts you in the state of mind to actually respond to them in an emotionally secure way – which is essential to ending the bullying cycle. The second benefit is that instead of focusing on your pain, you are focusing on the pain of someone else. And this really does help insulate you from the mean things the bully is doing. It’s like having an emotional force field around you.

Another way to think about this is that you and the bully have been going round and round on a carousel. By deciding to feel compassion for the bully, you are deciding to step off the carousel while the bully continues to go round and round. You can see them, see what they are doing, but because you are not on the ride with them anymore, you are unaffected by their activities and it is easier for you to encourage them to get off the ride they are on as well. And if they refuse, well, that’s their problem.

So, yes, feeling compassion for bullies and other obnoxious people is probably the hardest thing you can do. However, it is also the smartest thing you can do.

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Get your copy of The Bully Vaccine Now!

Label Your Emotions Properly!

CivilNation blog posted an article about how important it is to label your negative emotions properly. Especially in the context of social dialogue. If you say you are angry, when you are merely irritated, it gives people the impression that are madder than you really are.

Additionally, learning to label your emotions properly, and to give them nuance is important because it really does help you not overreact to things.

READ FULL ARTICLE HERE


In the meantime, if you want to know what the difference is between annoyance and anger, or anger and rage, for example? Read below.

• Annoyance: Feeling irritation or displeasure
• Frustration: A deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs
• Anger: A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility
• Hostility: Expressed enmity or antagonism
• Aggression: Behaving in actively hostile fashion
• Rage: Violent uncontrollable anger

Fear or Sanity

We Humanists are very big on reason.  It isn’t that we don’t honor our emotions; we just think that as fun as they can be – they aren’t always that reliable when it comes to decision-making.  Long story short, we respect our emotions and we allow them to have input, but we don’t let our emotions make our decisions for us.  We use our reason for that.

I bring this up because there has been a lot of fear mongering going on lately.  And making decisions based on fear usually doesn’t end well.  That is because fear tends to distort reality and making good decisions depends entirely on dealing productively with reality.  After all – you don’t want to do something stupid because you were too fearful to get your facts straight.

As a current example - one side of the health care debate is telling people that if they support health care reform – you or someone you love will die!  Pretty scary – but easily proven as lies.  There are plenty of perfectly rational reasons why you may or may not support health care reform.  Fear of death panels, rationing or the specter of socialism should not be amongst those reasons.

Just Because You Can

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Humanists are really big on thinking before we act. We have found that if we don't think before we act, we are liable to do something stupid, or worse, dangerous.

This is especially true when you are hurt in some way. Just remember, you don't have to act on every emotion you feel. Especially when you are feeling feelings of revenge. Just think about what the consequences of your actions will be. And... wait a few days to before acting on any negative emotion. What seemed perfectly reasonable in the heat of emotion will often seem really idiotic once reason has regained supremecy. Remember, you are in control of what you do. Don't let your emotions control you.