Facing Adversity as a Humanist: Embracing Reality, Love, and Pragmatism

 The Humanist Approach to Adversity

In the face of life's challenges, Humanism offers a unique perspective that empowers individuals to confront adversity with strength, resilience, and compassion. Unlike religious or spiritual frameworks, Humanism is rooted in reality, grounded in love, and embraces a pragmatic approach to navigating life's trials. In this blog post, we will explore how Humanists face adversity and why their philosophy provides a solid foundation for coping with various difficult situations.

Defining Humanism: Reality, Love, and Pragmatism

At its core, Humanism is a life philosophy that places human values, reason, and ethics at the forefront. It emphasizes the importance of basing beliefs and actions on evidence and critical thinking, rather than relying on supernatural or religious dogma. Humanists view the world through a lens of compassion, emphasizing the inherent worth and dignity of every individual. Additionally, they take a pragmatic approach, focusing on practical solutions and realistic perspectives.

Grief: A Humanist Perspective

Grief is a universal experience that affects us all at some point in our lives. When faced with loss and mourning, Humanists approach grief from a non-religious standpoint, which can offer unique benefits. Unlike religious beliefs that often suggest bargaining with a higher power, Humanists recognize that grief is a natural process and not something that can be negotiated. By adopting a scientific approach, they understand that emotions ebb and flow, and there is no need to fear or suppress them. Eventually, the grieving process leads to healing and a more stable emotional state. Humanists can draw strength from the knowledge that grief is a universal human experience, reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Personal Example: Grief is Bad Enough - Don't Add Spiritual Trauma To It

I lost a baby during the 8th month of my pregnancy. During my own experience with grief, I realized that I was the only one in my grief support group who solely dealt with grief without the added burden of religious or spiritual trauma. This realization allowed me to appreciate the strength that comes from confronting grief without supernatural expectations or obligations. Humanism provided me with a framework that focused on accepting the reality of loss, allowing myself to feel emotions without judgment, and understanding that healing would come with time. I didn't have to deal with a world turned upside down. I just had grief - which was enough. Humanism and a non-religious approach spared me the experience of additional spiritual trauma on top of my grief.

Trauma: Science and Self-Empowerment

Traumatic experiences can leave deep emotional scars, and Humanism offers valuable tools to help individuals navigate the healing process. By relying on scientific evidence and understanding, Humanists approach trauma from an empowered standpoint. Rather than waiting for a savior or relying solely on external forces, they embody a "do it" attitude that emphasizes personal agency and resilience. Humanists also hold a fundamental belief in the inherent goodness of humanity, enabling them to seek and accept support from others when needed—a crucial aspect of overcoming trauma.

Personal Example: Overcoming Stalking

In my own journey of healing from a traumatic experience with stalking, I found solace and strength within the Humanist philosophy. Instead of succumbing to fear or hopelessness, I took proactive steps to seek professional help, secure my safety, and regain control over my life. The belief that people are essentially good and willing to help became a guiding principle, providing me with the courage to reach out for support and move forward.

Injuries or Setbacks: Embracing Reality and Seeking Help

No one is immune to setbacks, be it physical injuries or personal setbacks. Humanists approach these challenges by accepting the reality of the situation and formulating a strategic plan to overcome them. Rather than viewing suffering as noble, Humanists understand the importance of taking control over what can be controlled and seeking help when necessary. They acknowledge the power of scientific knowledge and explore avenues such as physical therapy or professional assistance to aid in the healing process.

Personal Example: Overcoming Injuries

A few years back, I almost died. My gallbladder tried to kill me. I was in the hospital for a week to make sure I didn't die of sepsis. My recover took time and there are physical issues I'll deal with for the rest of my life as a result of the surgery.  Embracing the principles of Humanism, I accepted the reality of my situation and devised a strategy to regain my strength and mobility. I sought professional help through physical therapy and massage therapy, understanding that my body's healing process required both scientific knowledge and expert guidance and time.  By taking responsibility for my recovery and actively participating in my rehabilitation, I was able to overcome setbacks and restore my physical well-being and basically get my life back. 

An Optimistic Outlook: Empowerment and Support

In the face of adversity, Humanism offers an optimistic perspective. Humanists believe in their ability to make a positive impact on their own lives and the lives of others. They understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a recognition that some challenges may require more than individual effort. Humanists encourage a sense of community and mutual support, fostering a belief in the innate goodness of humanity. By helping others when possible and seeking assistance when needed, Humanists create a network of support that strengthens their resilience and capacity to overcome adversity.

Conclusion: Embracing Humanism in the Face of Adversity

Facing adversity is an inevitable part of the human experience. However, by adopting a Humanist perspective, we can navigate these challenges with greater strength, compassion, and pragmatism and hopefully get better results as a result. 

Grounded in reality, love, and a scientific approach, Humanism empowers individuals to confront grief, trauma, injuries, and setbacks with resilience and hope. We have the ability and responsibility to make things better, both for ourselves and for others. Whether it is offering help when we can or asking for assistance when needed, we can forge a path forward that transcends suffering and leads to personal growth and collective well-being. Remember, you are not alone—embrace the principles of Humanism, face adversity head-on, and keep moving forward.

Learn More - Get the Book or Take the Online Course:

Discover the transformative power of The Humanist Approach to Happiness, a book that delves deep into the philosophy of Humanism and its application in navigating life's challenges. Drawing upon the principles discussed in this blog post, Ms. Hancock, provides invaluable insights into facing adversity with a reality-based, love-centered, and pragmatic mindset. Whether you're seeking guidance on grief, trauma, or setbacks, this book offers practical strategies, personal anecdotes, and a wealth of wisdom to help you embrace your own resilience and find happiness amidst life's trials. Gain a deeper understanding of Humanism and unlock the tools you need to navigate adversity with strength and compassion.

Book: https://humanistlearning.com/the-humanist-approach-to-happiness-book/

Course:  https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

Current events - celebrities guilty of assault is re-traumatizing people

There is no doubt that women are finally no longer tolerating harassment and demanding action. That's the good news. The bad news is all this news is re-traumatizing people who have been assaulted or harassed.

As someone who has both been harassed and assaulted and as a person who teaches people how to get harassment to stop, I thought I would weigh in on my own experiences and as an educator. Note: Some of this post is graphic. I don't believe in sugar coating what happened.

I am personally not being re-traumatized as much as remembering painful episodes of my past.
For instance: I was inappropriately touched by Bob Barker at a TV station in a room full of reporters about 10 years before that scandal broke. I reported it. I was believed. It was handled appropriately and he was blacklisted from doing things with animal welfare nonprofits in LA after that.

I had a boss who used to lean back in his chair and rub himself through his pants in front of me whenever I would go to talk to him. He only did that to me and not our secretary and not when we had customers. At first I thought maybe he wasn’t aware he was doing it – turns out he was. My position was eliminated 2 weeks after I reported him. I don’t regret reporting him.

I’ve been stalked by a past boyfriend and had to deal with the FBI on that situation.

I survived an attempted rape by an employee of a firm I was interviewing with. I didn’t go to subsequent interviews and when I told the owner a few years later what had happened he was horrified and wished I had told him immediately because that explained why he would lose female customers. It was negatively effecting his business as people like me who could hire him – wouldn’t. But he also didn’t fire the guy upon learning this.

The current news isn’t traumatizing me. But keep in mind that I’ve had therapy for PTSD as a result of the stalking incident. The coping techniques I learned may be helping me now not be triggered by PTSD. However, it is upsetting me greatly. And I do spend time crying – out of guilt that I didn’t do more in my situations to protect other women.

What this is doing is making me remember things that happened and reconsider how I handled it. In most cases, I regret not reporting more or making a bigger stink than I did. At the time I didn’t make a bigger stink because I didn’t want to deal with whatever it was. I just wanted to get away and get on with my life. The problem is because I didn’t make a big stink, other women were victimized. In every single case.

There was guy who asked me to dance at a club in Hawaii. He told me his name, told me he was an army captain, grabbed my arm and started dragging me to the door. I knew if he got me out of the club – he would rape me. I escaped, but didn’t report him. I was a regular at this club in Hawaii. Friends with all the bartenders. And still, didn’t report it. I told my girlfriends. I have no doubt that other women were raped by this man because of my inaction. Same with the guy who attempted to rape me as part of a job interview. He clearly had other victims.

Same with Bob Barker – he had other victims. I wonder what would have happened if I had turned around and slapped him in front of all those reporters. Would what he had been doing come to light sooner and more women been protected had I acted slightly differently? In the Bob Barker case – I reported him immediately upon reaching safety. I was believed and supported and would have been if I had slapped him in the newsroom. But my instinct was self-preservation. Same with the guy in the bar dragging me to the door. Self-preservation. Same with the attempted interview rape. Self-preservation prevented me from telling his boss. I didn’t know if his boss was part of the scam. This guy had contacted me in a professional capacity.

I am not having PTSD triggered. I am dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt that I should have done more to protect the women who inevitably came after me. I just didn’t think of them at the time. I knew they existed, because how could they not. But at the same time, my mental health was more important than them. And I think now that was a mistake.

I teach adults and kids how to use behavioral science techniques to stop bullies. (See my book The Bully Vaccine or any of my online courses.) To get kids to do this – you must convince them, not to do it for themselves, but to protect other kids who are also being victimized. I tell them to look around – see the other kids – because there are always other victims. Once kids get that – they become fearless. They won’t always act to protect themselves, but they will almost always act to protect others.

We women – need to do the same. We need to realize that what happened to us wasn’t about us. It is about the fact a predator is on the loose and needs to be stopped because if he isn’t, others will be victimized, just like us. There are always other victims. People hearing these reports need to take them seriously and treat them as the violent crime they really are.

Anita Hill recently wrote an essay asking the question:  what if we treated this like embezzlement or any other type of crime? We would respond to reports of harassment and assault differently if we thought of them as actual crimes. We need to start doing that. If I had my purse stolen (and I have) I would report it and try to make sure those criminals were locked up so they couldn’t steal from anyone else. We need to have the same approach to sexual predators. Both as victims and as people hearing about the assaults.

I think the main reason why people are saying me too and naming names – is exactly because of this. If we don’t name names, other people will be victimized! I don’t want to live with this guilt anymore. The only way out is to name names and start making much bigger stinks when we encounter predators.