How to fire people with dignity

How do you 'let go' of an employee without humiliating them?

Sometimes positions are eliminated and the employee isn't needed anymore.  The basic rule of thumb of how to treat them with dignity - is how would you want to be treated.

Explaining the reasons why they are being let go can help. Offering them a letter of recommendation is also much appreciated. Treating them fairly with regards to their severance.  Offering to put them in touch with other companies that might hire them.  All this goes a long way to helping people leave with dignity.

What if they are being let go for cause? 

Of course, this assumes, you are letting a person go who has done nothing wrong.  If they have misbehaved and are being let go with cause, then again - nonjudgmental - reasons why they are being let go and that what happened was not consistent with the expectations of the company. Understanding that what happened - they may and probably do view as unfair - allows you to be compassionate while doing what needs to be done. And again - treating them fairly with regards to severance and what is owed them will go a long way towards helping people leave with dignity.  It helps when you focus on the behavior being unacceptable, not that they as a person as unacceptable.

Most importantly - if something happens and someone is let go with cause - then - no gossiping. No bad mouthing the person. No rumors. Understand that good people sometimes do bad things. It's enough to remind staff that - your organization treats people with dignity. And leave it at that.

What are some of the best practices you use in terminating employees?

Best practices involve - treating people fairly and with dignity and making sure the paperwork is processed properly and making sure they are treated fairly with a severance and that any questions they have about what happens next - are treated with compassion and truth.

Getting fired is upsetting. It's scary. There is a lot of unknown.  Employers can make a difficult situation less difficult by being honest and open and fair and by having compassion for the person being fired.

The person being fired may not and probably won't reciprocate with dignity. That's fine. Their behavior defines them. You - should act with dignity and compassion at all times, even when and especially when you are dealing with people who aren't.

Treat all people who are being terminated with dignity and compassion. All of them.

Have compassion - Driving Edition

I was driving my son to school this morning and made a mistake. I wasn’t sure what lane to be in to turn into the school. It’s an honest mistake. I know where the turn is, but there seemed to be a line to turn further back than I expected. But I also saw – the line I thought was the line for school – the lead car was waiting to turn into a business – before the school. I wasn’t sure whether I should go around or wait in line as I wasn’t sure if THIS turn line was the right line.

rk008 - FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I decided to wait in line, but it was so far back that by the time I made this decision, there wasn’t really room to pull into the left turn lane. The result is that the back end of my vehicle was sticking out blocking the thru lane. I would have avoided this had I made my decision to go into that lane about 5 feet sooner. It’s an honest mistake. These things happen.

The car behind me, who I was now blocking, got cranky and honked. I skootched up as far as I could, but it wasn’t enough and I didn’t have any ability to correct my mistake until the car in front of me moved. Eventually the car behind me went around. But then… they pulled even with me and waited until I looked at them – and then they glowered at me. And drove on. Whoever this was REALLY wanted me to know how unhappy they were with me because they stopped to make sure I knew they were mad and they were clearly going to wait until they knew I had seen that they were made at me.

I do understand their frustration. I had made a mistake and inconvenienced them for about 20 seconds. If you add in the time they waited to make sure that I saw that they were angry with me, they were delayed for a total of about 30 seconds.

I am not sure what they hoped to accomplish by waiting to make sure I knew they were mad. I made a mistake and was unable to correct it. I felt bad but, I had no ability to correct the mistake, I had to wait on the cars in front of me to move. I doubt their anger at my mistake is going to impact my future driving. This wasn’t something I did intentionally, it was a mistake.

After I dropped off my son and was driving home I was thinking, it would have been nice if they had been compassionate with me instead of angry. After all, it was a mistake. It’s not like I woke up today and thought, I’m going to inconvenience someone on the road and delay them for 20 seconds just to piss them off. I made a mistake, and realistically – it cost them 20 seconds. Why get so mad about a mistake? Why not just – fix the mistake or work around it.

They had several options. They could see the problem and know I had no ability to maneuver or move. They could see that and respond with patience. Or, they could have gone around sooner as there was no one in the other lane. They stayed, honked and got angry because they wanted me - out of their way and for whatever reason, weren’t willing to consider their other options.

The next time you find yourself getting upset or frustrated that someone else is inconveniencing you, step back and reframe what you think is happening. The person most likely didn’t do whatever it is on purpose. Maybe they made an honest mistake or are having other problems. Instead of focusing on how you want them to fix the problem, perhaps consider how you can fix the problem you are now in. Can you work around them? Maybe help them? I don’t know, but what I do know is that having compassion for the people around you – who will make mistakes – feels better than being in a perpetual state of anger and indignation.

I really do think the world would be a better place if we just had more compassion for one another instead of feeling entitled all the time. So please – practice compassion

FYI - I first published this at LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/have-compassion-jennifer-hancock/ 

The Right to Live Humane Lives

We live in a society that is not compassionate. Maybe we should change that.

We humans have a right to a humane life. Humane is defined as branch of learning intended to civilize people. It’s also defined as having or showing compassion and/or benevolence.

When I say we all have a right to live humane lives, I am stating an ideal. We humans would thrive if we lived in a society that treated us compassionately – or humanely.

Life is hard enough. We have to find food, shelter and clothing and hopefully find a tribe to hang with and protect us from the elements and things that want to eat us or harm us.  Among those that want to harm us should not be our fellow humans.

And yet here we are, in America, enduring our 355th shooting of the year. We humans prey on our fellow humans. We have institutionalized violence against minorities in our country. The death rate arising from this violence is staggering.

And that doesn’t even include the non-death suffering we inflict on each other in the name of fear and profits. We live in a society that isn’t compassionate. Maybe we should change that.

All this death and suffering is avoidable because it is death and suffering we are inflicting on ourselves.  If instead of responding to our fellow humans with fear we could try responding to them with compassion. Maybe there would be fewer accidental shootings that way.

Maybe kids that are being ostracized for being different wouldn’t be. Maybe their classmates would embrace them and their weirdness and maybe one less kid would commit suicide.


I’m not a Pollyanna who thinks compassion can solve all the problems in the world. But I do think we do better when we are compassionate and humane with one another.

We live in a hostile world. We form tribes to help protect us from that hostile world.  Who are we if we don’t use that impulse to protect to actually protect, not just ourselves, but our fellow humans. We have the ability to feed the hungry. We have the ability to house the homeless. We have the ability to provide medical care for those in need. And yet, we don’t.

We live in a society that isn’t compassionate. Maybe we should change that.

Dealing with Difficult People

While compassion won’t make difficult people any less difficult, it does make it easier to help them.

Some people are cranky.  You may never know why.  They just are mean and angry.  Dealing with these people is unpleasant. And that’s obviously being kind.

It is very easy to dislike difficult people. They are difficult to deal with and I know I would prefer to interact with people who are pleasant and nice and understanding.

But I live in the real world and that isn't always possible. Our instinct, when confronted with difficulty is to want to get away from it. But if you encounter a difficult person as part of your job, you can’t do that. You have to find a way to deal with them.  So you do your best to not be cranky back and them and do your best.

But what if you decided to override your instincts and decided not to dislike them. I’m not saying you should like them, but not disliking them, as difficult as that may be, can make a huge difference in how you respond and whether or not you allow these people to ruin your day.

Here’s why whenever I deal with a difficult person, I try to think of them compassionately. I don’t know why they are cranky and difficult.  I have no idea what their life story is. I don’t know if they are mentally ill, or suffering from a mental health crisis. I don’t know if they are terrified of being out in public and their cranky demeanor is their way of coping. I don’t know if they are going through a bitter divorce right now. I don’t know if they have recently lost a loved one and it is all they can do to keep themselves together and their gruff exterior is how they are protecting their fragile emotions.  I don’t know if they were abused their entire lives and so don’t trust anyone.  I don’t know.

And because I don’t know, I don’t like to assume. Whatever is causing this person to be so difficult is a problem for them. Their behavior isn’t about me. It’s about them and their pain and discomfort and anxiety. And it seems to me that if they are stupendously difficult to deal with, then whatever it is they are dealing with, is probably pretty bad.

So instead of getting annoyed with difficult people, I feel sad for them. And I don’t have to fake being kind to them. I genuinely am kind to them, because I feel so bad for them. Even if they yell at me and call me names and do whatever it is they are doing in their crankiness, it doesn’t upset me. I don’t have to take their crankiness towards me personally.

My compassion for them won’t help them be any less cranky because I’m unable to fix the underlying cause of their emotional problems. But whatever I can do to help them be a little less stressed – I am willing to do. And instead of feeling crappy about these encounters, I feel good. It’s like in that moment dealing with that difficult person, I did being human right by being the best most compassionate person I could be with someone who is clearly suffering.

Can compassion help you deliver better customer service, even when your customers are difficult? You bet it can.

How to get along with nearly anyone by applying Humanism

My advice for getting along with people is to see them for who they are and not who you assume them or need them to be.

Most of our interactions with other people are egocentric. We see and experience other people through our own lens of experience, and through our own needs.

But other people are fully human. They aren't cardboard cutout walk ons in the movie of your life that stars you. They are the stars of their own movies. So stop trying to make them be someone they aren't. And stop getting mad at them when they fail to be who you needed them to be. Instead, accept them for who they are – flaws and all – and give them the space they need to be themselves.

Humanism encourages us to treat each other as fully human. This helps us treat each other better.

It’s amazing how much this one thing – compassion for others – changes everything.