A lot of my clients come to me because they are frustrated. Either a person or a situation is causing them frustration. They want to know how to fix the problem. This is especially true when a client is a company. They hire me to "fix" a problem person.
And I help people, but rarely in the way they think I will. I help them by teaching them how to love. Love in the west is often associated with romance. But it has many dimensions and the practice of love, helps ease frustration and in turn, helps create - happiness.
And it's always amazing to me how many people resist this knowledge. And it's not just me teaching it. Every major philosophy and religion teaches people to love.
I had an epiphany on this a couple of years ago.
When people meet me, they realize I'm happy. And it's not an act. Most of the time, I'm in a pretty good mood. And when I'm not, it doesn't normally last long. I attribute my attitude to 3 things.
1) I am biologically happy meaning, I don't have a mental health problem that makes being happy hard, like depression. My hubby suffers from depression on occasion and when he does, he needs medicine to help reset his brain and those medicines work. So, if your brain is a hinderance and not a help, seek help.
2) My philosophy, Humanism. This is a choice I have made about how I want to go through life. If this is the one life I have, I might as well do the best I can with it - good and bad. I'm ok with bad things happening, though I prefer good things happening. But more importantly, I refuse to stay stuck in bad things. I believe I can make the world better for myself and others, so I work to make that happen. This approach is a choice I've made and it helps me fill fulfilled and gives me purpose, which is important to being happy. We humans need to have meaning and connection to feel - good. So - I made that for myself and it works.
3) I practice love. As I said in the video, I actively think about and try to exude love. For myself, for my family, for my friends and for total strangers. Everyone. It's my love for others, as an active practice, that helps me turn frustration into compassion. When I find myself getting frustrated, and I do, I remind myself to think about the situation or the person, using love as my guide. And immediately, my frustration ebbs away. And it works. I find I can solve my problems better. Fix frustrating situations and deal with difficult people with the grace and compassion I expect from myself.
How this applies to the workplace?
When I teach people how to stop bullying/harassment in the workplace, I not only teach the science of how to make it stop, I teach the mindset that helps you actually implement the science. And yes, that mindset is compassionate. It is extremely hard to do what works if you are angry.
It's hard to make good strategic decisions when you are angry or frustrated. It's why the stoics encourage people to get control of their emotions. Thinking rationally is hard when our brains are overwhelmed with frustration.
Converting frustration to compassion helps get into the right mindset to create win win solutions for whatever the problem is. It also helps get into the right mindset to not be bothers by situations you cannot change. In fact, I don't know how anyone complies with the Serenity Prayer if they are not practicing compassion and love.
Humanistic Leadership, is loving leadership. If you are new to this, what I'd like you to do is try it. Next time you find yourself getting frustrated think - WWJD (What Would Jennifer Do). And what I would do is remind myself to love myself, love my family, love my friends and yes - love this annoying person who is frustrating me and only then, start thinking about how to fix the problem if it is fixable. And if it's not, walking away from it with love and a smile on my face.
Good luck.
Also, if you want to take some of my course, visit: https://humanistlearning.com/
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