How do I not let people ruin my day by their hurtful words?
This is a skill that can be learned, but it takes practice.
Here's how I do it. My first response when someone is mean is to feel hurt. But as soon as I can consciously recognize I feel hurt. I have two questions I ask myself
1) Did I do anything to trigger this? Ie: was I being a complete jerk? If so - I apologize and resolve to do better. If not, which is usually the case, then I move on to my 2nd question.
2) Why did the other person behaved the way they did? I can't actually answer this question. But ... thinking about what a horrid day the other person must be having to make them behave so rudely to others helps me to feel sorry for them.
I find that as soon as I start feeling sorry for them, I stop feeling bad about their hurtful words to me. Compassion is an amazing thing. It helps you to be a better human. Be less emotionally volatile and respond in a professional compassionate and ethical way to people who aren't able to behave as they should. In short, it will help you to not add to the sorrow in the world if you can master it.
Here's where practice comes in. No one is able to make the switch from hurt to compassion automatically. You have to consciously choose to make that shift. And it's hard at first. Really hard. But the more you practice, the easier switching from hurt to compassion becomes. I can usually make that switch in about 5 to 10 seconds - depending on how hurt I was in the moment.
And if all else fails - you could imagine the mean person as John Cleese in full French knight mode yelling – “Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!” Laugh and move on.
This is a skill that can be learned, but it takes practice.
Here's how I do it. My first response when someone is mean is to feel hurt. But as soon as I can consciously recognize I feel hurt. I have two questions I ask myself
1) Did I do anything to trigger this? Ie: was I being a complete jerk? If so - I apologize and resolve to do better. If not, which is usually the case, then I move on to my 2nd question.
2) Why did the other person behaved the way they did? I can't actually answer this question. But ... thinking about what a horrid day the other person must be having to make them behave so rudely to others helps me to feel sorry for them.
I find that as soon as I start feeling sorry for them, I stop feeling bad about their hurtful words to me. Compassion is an amazing thing. It helps you to be a better human. Be less emotionally volatile and respond in a professional compassionate and ethical way to people who aren't able to behave as they should. In short, it will help you to not add to the sorrow in the world if you can master it.
Here's where practice comes in. No one is able to make the switch from hurt to compassion automatically. You have to consciously choose to make that shift. And it's hard at first. Really hard. But the more you practice, the easier switching from hurt to compassion becomes. I can usually make that switch in about 5 to 10 seconds - depending on how hurt I was in the moment.
And if all else fails - you could imagine the mean person as John Cleese in full French knight mode yelling – “Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!” Laugh and move on.
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