Finding Friends

Good friends are essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, finding good friends can be quite hard. I liken it to dating.. Every time I have moved, or had friends move away - I need to find more friends and the process starts once again.

Don’t judge your life and friends by the social butterflies of the world. If you have trouble finding good friends, you are not only not alone, most people are  in the same boat as you. Yes, there are people who still have their friends from school with them, but most people don’t and are eager to find new friends. This is good news because it means that most people you meet will be thrilled if you take the initiative to get to know them better.

Here is what I do. First, be brave. If you meet someone you like and get along with - ask them for their contact information to see if you can get together again. They will probably be thrilled you asked. If they aren’t, that’s ok too. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The other thing to realize is that it is hard for adults to find time to connect. There is no set aside playground time for us to play during. We have to schedule our playtime. So don't assume that if someone isn’t available the first time you suggest that you get together that they aren't interested in being friends. They wouldn’t have given you their contact information if they weren’t interested. So try 3 or 4 times before giving up.

Be proactive in organizing things. Girls night out at the movies. Bingo night. backyard bbq. Invite people to spend time with you. Don’t assume if they don’t contact you they don’t like you. Keep reaching out and you will eventually be rewarded.

And finally, look for people you enjoy being around. There are a lot of people out in the world. Some are easy to hang out with and are a joy to be around, others, not so much. Don’t worry about finding people. Focus on finding good people with whom you click. Volunteer, join groups, participate and have fun.  And always remember, everyone needs friends. Everyone. Don’t just look to the popular people, look for people hanging out on the sidelines, they need friends too.

Materialism vs. Spiritualism

I was interviewed on Vortex Sarasota a while back (embedded video below). It was a great conversation and I really like the host George Lewis. It was one of the funner interviews I’ve done. 

At one point George asks me about spiritualism. And, I don’t understand what he is asking me. I do my best to translate his question into something that makes sense for me and fail.  Even though we agree on a lot of things, there is a basic disconnect in our world views.  I am a natural materialist, he is a supernatural spiritualist. 

For me there is only the natural world that consists of matter and energy. If something happens, it is quantifiable in this world. I have the same feelings of awe and wonder as anyone else. I have feelings of intuition. But for me, these feelings are a result of biochemical processes occurring in my brain.  That doesn’t make them any less special or any less amazing.  It doesn’t make me feel any less connected to the universe. It is just that I don’t view these things as anything other than a material natural process.

I think what trips people up is the choice of words. People associate the natural materialist world view with capitalistic materialism which refers to the gratuitous consumption of material, which is, for good reason, associated with greed. So they don’t understand how a natural materialist worldview can help people lead such satisfying emotionally fulfilling lives.

Grounding your view of the world as a natural materialist as opposed to a supernatural spiritualist simply means  that you accept the world as it is as opposed to hoping that there is something more there. It is a liberating, amazing and inspiring way to view who you are in the universe.  On the one hand, you are nothing more than matter and energy combined. On the other, you are you!  Matter combined, against all odds and against its tendency towards entropy to create you!  If that doesn’t make you feel special, nothing will.

PS – I am a board member for the Spiritual Naturalist Society – check them out at: http://spiritualnaturalistsociety.org/

What is Your Passion?

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was listening to a podcast last night about the importance of finding and pursuing your passion. It was one of those rather unrealistic promotional things where if you just follow your passion you will make a bunch of money and have a great time doing it. Phooey.  In the real world, most of us are never going to be so lucky.  Most people who try to make a living following their passion will just end up going broke, giving up and finding an okey job in the real world, if they are lucky.

But don’t let that little bit of realistic pessimism fool you.  I am still an optimist and I am pursuing my passion, just in a bit more realistic way. And the only reason I am able to do so is because my husband supports me. This means, at the moment, I am incredibly lucky to be able to pursue my passion.

For most of my life, my passions had to be a hobby. And you know what? That wasn’t that bad. As long as you have a passion to pursue as a hobby or as a career, you are doing fine.  The people I feel sorry for are those who have nothing they are passionate about.  That would be sad.

So, the next time you find yourself lamenting that work gets in the way of having a life and that you would like more time to pursue your passions. Remember to be thankful that you have passions to pursue. Not everyone does.