Great Leaders May Need Translators

Scientific American published an article on the science of why people dislike really smart leaders. It turns out - they may need translators.

Here is a link to the article:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-people-dislike-really-smart-leaders/

It turns out that people with IQs higher than 120 are often rated as ineffective leaders by their teams. The problem is high IQ people - are REALLY valuable because they are often really good at problem solving and organizing and juggling lots of things simultaneously. Their brains are simply - really agile.

As with all leadership, if people don't like or don't understand the leader, then they won't follow and there will be problems.   Part of the problem may be that staff and teams may not understand what the solution is that the leader is proposing because - they can't follow the thinking of the leader - because they think so differently than people with IQs in the normal range.

Another problem may be that someone with a high IQ is so busy thinking, they aren't really concerned with the social aspects of leading. But it's the social aspects that help people trust the leader.

So what is the solution?  It may be that high IQ leaders need a translator. Someone who can explain the thinking of the high IQ person in a way that normal people understand so that they can follow it and understand why it will work.

Another reason for the translator is to help fill in the gaps in the social skills. My niece was recently hired to work at a hospital where she is - essentially - the social skills translator for her boss. Her boss can focus on the stuff she's good at. And my niece's job is to get to know people on staff, and support them so  that the staff feel valued and like they matter.

Great thinkers may not be great at the social aspects of a leadership job - but we still need their problem solving abilities to be recognized. Understanding our limitations as leaders can help us hire support people to manage the interpersonal relationships critical to creating successful teams.

Getting over the hurt

How do I not let people ruin my day by their hurtful words?

This is a skill that can be learned, but it takes practice.

Here's how I do it. My first response when someone is mean is to feel hurt. But as soon as I can consciously recognize I feel hurt.  I have two questions I ask myself

1) Did I do anything to trigger this?  Ie: was I being a complete jerk?  If so - I apologize and resolve to do better. If not, which is usually the case, then I move on to my 2nd question.

2) Why did the other person behaved the way they did? I can't actually answer this question. But ... thinking about what a horrid day the other person must be having to make them behave so rudely to others helps me to feel sorry for them.

I find that as soon as I start feeling sorry for them, I stop feeling bad about their hurtful words to me.  Compassion is an amazing thing. It helps you to be a better human. Be less emotionally volatile and respond in a professional compassionate and ethical way to people who aren't able to behave as they should.  In short, it will help you to not add to the sorrow in the world if you can master it.

Here's where practice comes in.  No one is able to make the switch from hurt to compassion automatically. You have to consciously choose to make that shift.  And it's hard at first. Really hard. But the more you practice, the easier switching from hurt to compassion becomes.  I can usually make that switch in about 5 to 10 seconds - depending on how hurt I was in the moment.

And if all else fails - you could imagine the mean person as John Cleese in full French knight mode yelling – “Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!” Laugh and move on.

Don’t let fear hold you back

Fear has its place in our emotional toolkit, but it can immobilize us too. Learn how to have a healthier relationship with fear.

I have a theory about life.  To me, life is an exercise in learning to overcome fear.  It seems that every major lesson I learn has to do with overcoming fear.

Fear that I am inadequate. Fear that I will be hurt. Fear of change and fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of other people. Fear of love. Fear that nobody likes me so I may as well eat some worms. You get the idea.

Some of this fear is rational. Some isn’t. Having been a victim of a stalking, I think some fear is quite rational. I read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker and it really changed my life. I came to understand what fear does well for me and how it can get out of whack and what to do about that.

It turns out that, as hard as it seem, you can actually choose to override your fear instincts. It takes a combination of thinking and physical activity to do – but it can be done. Through therapy I learned how to interrupt a panic attack in process. Having experienced daily panic attacks for a couple of years, that was nothing short of amazing.

To me, the technique I was taught is very much akin to the practice of freethought and skepticism. When I feel fear and panic rising, I have to consciously acknowledge it. And, Only then can I do the breathing exercises that help calm me down. Once I am calmed, I can then question myself about why I was feeling the fear and panic. I can’t always identify it, but it always seems that once I do I lose the fear almost immediately. Granted, figuring out what makes me afraid requires me to be totally honest with myself and that can take some time, which is why talking to a therapist is so helpful.

Once I figure out what is making me afraid – I can then decide what to do about it. I have several options. I can confront it. I can avoid it. I can ignore it.  What I decide to do depends on whether I think the thing I am afraid of poses an existential threat or not. In other words, if I think whatever it is might kill me – I avoid it. If I think it won’t – I often decide to do the very thing I am afraid of just to get over my fear.

I’ve come across very few real threats to my life and limb when considering fear. Most often, it’s just social fear. Confronting those social fears has made me rather fearless.

If you find you suffer from fear that is immobilizing you, do something about it. Figure out if the fear is rational or irrational. If it is rational – avoid whatever it is. If it is irrational, confront it.  If you can’t tell or if you are really suffering and really immobilized by your fear – seek professional help! You will be glad you did.