Happiness Through Humanism: ending harassment

Showing posts with label ending harassment. Show all posts

Reclaiming Inclusion: Advancing Equity Without Saying ‘Diversity

Introduction:

In today’s climate, even the word “diversity” has become politically charged. In some sectors, using it openly may result in backlash—or even legal consequences. But inclusion isn’t optional. Organizations still need to harness the full spectrum of human potential to thrive, adapt, and solve complex problems. Inclusion is about ensuring people can contribute without being excluded, sabotaged, or harassed. And that remains vital, regardless of what we call it.

1. Inclusion Is the Goal—Not the Word

The pushback against DEI often centers on terminology. But let’s be clear: we don’t need a word to keep doing the work. Inclusion means making sure everyone—regardless of background, identity, or lived experience—can contribute meaningfully. If the word “diversity” becomes a political lightning rod, we can use other framing—like representation, belonging, psychological safety, or inclusive leadership—without losing the essence.

Tip: Reframe your goals around “effective team participation,” “broadening access,” or “removing participation barriers.”

2. The Real Threat to Inclusion? Sabotage and Harassment

The biggest threats to inclusion don’t come from regulations—they come from inside. Passive-aggressive saboteurs, workplace bullies, and gatekeepers can quietly undo inclusive efforts. They withhold information, sideline new hires, or harass people into quitting—all without ever breaking an official policy.

Inclusion fails not when we stop using the word, but when we let toxic behaviors fester.

Organizations need strategies rooted in behavioral psychology to recognize and stop these patterns. It’s not about training people to “be nice”—it’s about changing the reinforcement systems that allow bullying and exclusion to persist so that bullies can't exclude people from the work group anymore.

3. Why Inclusion Still Pays Off

Inclusive teams don’t just feel better—they perform better. Research shows that when people from different backgrounds are truly allowed to collaborate, they identify risks faster, innovate more, and solve problems more effectively. But that only happens when team members feel safe speaking up—and that means rooting out behaviors that silence or sideline differing viewpoints.

If you’re hiring for talent, you need to protect that talent from saboteurs.

4. How to Protect Your Inclusion Initiatives in a Politicized World

You can protect inclusion efforts without waving a DEI banner:

Embed it into leadership values: Talk about fairness, safety, and performance, not identity politics.
Use data, not slogans: Focus on participation metrics, attrition rates, and engagement scores.
Train your managers in behavioral techniques: Give them tools to shut down sabotage and ensure new ideas aren’t ignored or punished.
Make inclusion a performance issue: If someone is undermining a team member’s ability to contribute, it’s a leadership failure—not a personality clash.

5. Next Steps: Train for Real Inclusion

Stopping harassment and sabotage requires more than good intentions—it takes skills. My courses are designed to teach exactly that, using proven behavioral psychology techniques to:

Stop variably reinforced harassment
Create reinforcement systems that protect inclusion
Identify and neutralize saboteurs of inclusive culture

Whether you call it “diversity,” “belonging,” or “collaborative team culture,” the goal is the same: make sure everyone is included and no one on your team is being sabotaged.

Learn how to stop harassment using behavioral psychology →https://humanistlearning.com/programsoffered/#bullying
Learn how to safeguard your inclusion initiatives →https://humanistlearning.com/safeguarding-diversity-and-inclusion-unmasking-saboteurs/

The Hidden Danger of Serial Harassers: Why Addressing Behavior Is the Key to Workplace Safety

Harassment in the workplace is often seen as an interpersonal issue—a conflict between two people. This perception can make it difficult for organizations to address the root cause of the problem. What happens when the harasser, rather than retaliating against their accuser, simply moves on to a new target? The answer is troubling: it allows the harassment to continue unchecked, leaving a trail of victims in its wake.

This pattern is not uncommon, and addressing it requires shifting our understanding of harassment from isolated incidents to recognizing it as part of a larger, systemic issue with a problem individual.

The Misconception of Harassment as an Interpersonal Conflict

When someone reports harassment, HR’s typical response is to treat the issue as a personal conflict between two individuals. The harasser is coached or given a warning, and the victim might receive support to move forward. But when the harasser doesn’t retaliate and instead targets a new individual, the problem is harder to see. The harassment doesn’t stop—it just shifts.

Serial harassers are often more dangerous than those who lash out in anger. They are calculated, and their behavior is subtle, which can allow them to evade consequences. This behavior goes unnoticed because, in each instance, the harassment seems to involve a different person. HR and management, if they don't recognize the pattern, might view each case in isolation, missing the bigger picture.

A Military Comparison: Serial Perpetrators in Large Organizations

A telling analogy can be drawn from military bases that experience high rates of sexual assault. Studies have shown that, contrary to the assumption that multiple people are responsible for the problem, these environments are often plagued by just a few individuals. These repeat offenders are responsible for harming many victims over time, not through retaliation but through finding new targets.

This is why it’s critical to address harassers not as one-off interpersonal incidents but as a potentially serial problem with the guilty individual. The failure to identify these patterns leaves organizations vulnerable to repeat offenses, with victims cycling through and leaving while the perpetrator remains.

Why Documenting Patterns Is Critical

A question I recently received from someone who took one of my online courses highlights this problem. Someone reported that a bully in their workplace wasn’t retaliating against the initial victim after being reported—instead, he simply moved on to the next person. HR coached him after each report, but the pattern continued.

This is where documenting patterns becomes critical. It’s easy to miss the larger issue if each new instance is seen as an isolated event. But if someone starts documenting the harasser’s behavior—recording each report, each coaching session, and the subsequent shift to a new victim—a clearer picture begins to emerge. Once the pattern is identified, it’s far easier to address it effectively and demonstrate to HR that their current interventions are not working.

HR and Leadership’s Role in Protecting Employees

HR’s role is not simply to mediate between employees in conflict. They have a responsibility to protect the entire workforce. When serial harassers are allowed to continue their behavior after each intervention, it sends a message that the organization is either unaware of or unwilling to stop the problem. Coaching without consequence is a band-aid solution for a deep-rooted issue.

Instead, HR must actively seek out patterns of behavior that indicate serial harassment. This can be achieved through documentation, as discussed earlier, but it also requires a shift in mindset. Rather than viewing each complaint as an isolated event, HR needs to understand harassment as a possible pattern of behavior that can escalate over time, harming multiple people.

The Cost of Inaction: Creating New Victims

When a serial harasser is not dealt with, the consequences extend beyond the initial victim. Every time the harasser moves on, they create new victims. The organization becomes complicit in perpetuating harm when it fails to take decisive action to stop the behavior. Over time, this creates an environment where employees feel unsafe and unsupported, leading to decreased morale, productivity, and trust in leadership.

This is why it’s critical to stop serial harassers at the source. Ignoring the pattern or addressing it too leniently only allows the cycle to continue, creating a fresh set of victims each time.

Conclusion

Serial harassment in the workplace is not an issue of individual conflict—it is a repeating problem that requires the proactive intervention of removing the person once it's clear - they serially harass people. Harassers who move from one victim to the next are extremely damaging to your organization. Organizations must stop treating each report as an isolated incident and instead focus on identifying patterns of behavior that reveal a deeper issue.

By documenting harassment, recognizing the larger pattern, and holding harassers accountable, HR and leadership can protect their workforce and prevent new victims from emerging. Harassment is a pattern, not a series of unrelated events—and organizations must start treating it as such to ensure a safer, healthier work environment for all.

Learn More:

I have many online courses that cover how to identify and stop bullying and harassment in the workplace, for individuals and for young people. Learn how to stop unwanted behavior and how to identify patterns of behavior so that you can stop what is happening once and for all.

https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

Fixing a toxic workplace culture and surviving to tell the tale.

It's possible to fix toxic workplaces. I've done it multiple times. It isn't easy to do though and - if you try, the toxic people will attack you. You can survive this and I have. In this video - I share a personal story I don't talk about much, to let you know how bad it can be but more importantly - that you can get through this and that it's worth it.

Learn more and take one of my courses at: https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

Using Behavioral Psychology to Influence people in the workplace

I received this question from a reporter who was interested in gaining a deeper understanding on the relationship between behavioral science psychology and how HR uses that to influence employees.

They were looking for specific examples of how it is used.

I provided an example of how it is not used, but should be. It has to do with harassment situations. There is more that we can do.

With harassment situations, behavioral psychology could be really useful. Behavioral Psychologists have known for 70 years how to make unwanted behavior stop. If HR learned these techniques, they could use them to help stop bullying and harassment in the workplace.

What does this look like in practice?

1. How reports of harassment are responded to, can be tweaked to take advantage of what we know needs to happen to make unwanted behavior stop. Right now – current processes tend to make things worse. It’s unintentional, but it still happens.

2. Employees reporting problems can be provided training that would help them understand – how to make it stop – in a way that goes beyond – just keep reporting it.

3. We could revamp our current sexual harassment training programs to include this information. CA law for instance, requires training on how to stop abusive behavior in the workplace. We can fulfill that requirement by providing a behavioral psychology based training that teaches – how to make unwanted behavior stop.

What happens when you provide this sort of training? You change the culture of the organization. I did a training for a law firm once. Trained all their offices. What they said happened, as a result of a behavioral training, was that people started behaving better with each other. The one problem person who had been identified prior to the training quit, and everyone else just treated each other with dignity and professionalism.

When you give people the knowledge of how to handle difficult interpersonal interactions with grace and with dignity – using science – it changes everything.

If you want to learn more or would like to train your staff and management on these techniques - check out my courses at: https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

We need to teach people how to make harassment stop

The article in the Atlantic by Caitlin Flanagan on the problem with HR and why it's ineffective at stopping bullying and harassment misses the mark. It didn't tell us anything new. It explains the problem, but does not provide a solution. Why? Because - no one working in the field of HR or labor law seems to actually know what works to make unwanted behavior like harassment stop.

Here is a link to the article: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/07/hr-workplace-harrassment-metoo/590644/

My response to this article? (submitted as a letter to the editor)

The basic problem? No one has ever taught HR how to make harassment stop.

I know this because - I teach how to make unwanted behavior like harassment stop using established behavioral science techniques and I get told by HR veterans all the time that the have been attending harassment training for decades and no one has ever taught them how to make it stop. I'm the first one. They are shocked because - it should be basic training.

(Note: If you want to learn this - here are links to my online courses. I am HRCI & SHRM approved and do groups as well - https://humanistlearning.com/category/continuing-education-2/hrcredit/)

What HR and the rest of us get taught - isn't' how to make it stop. We are taught: what the law is. How to file reports. How to comply with the law. But no one ever teaches us - how to actually make it stop.

The sexual harassment training we are all subjected to - is designed by lawyers - who also - have never been taught how to make unwanted behavior stop. To top it all off the training we all get is based on a flawed assumption that all we have to do is tell men to stop doing it and they will stop. The result is that every 2 years we are forced to sit through a training that tells us - it's illegal - don't do it, for 2 solid hours!!!! No one ever thinks to include a unit on how to - oh I dunno - MAKE IT STOP!

Blaming HR is unfair. Yes, they work for their bosses. Yes, the tools they have at their disposal are limited. But I've never met an HR professional who doesn't want it to stop. They all want it to stop. They are often victims of it themselves. The problem is - they have never been taught how to make it stop. They've only been taught how to comply with the law.

Instead of asking, what the problem is with HR. Let's ask the all important question. What needs to happen to actually make sexual harassment stop. Behavioral scientists have known the answer to that question for 70 years so we have no excuse. Let's start teaching everyone how to do it using established science and maybe then, we can make some progress instead of continually being shocked that asking a sexual predator to stop - doesn't work and is never going to work.

What will work? Teaching people how to behaviorally train their abusers to leave them alone. Teaching HR how to tweak their processes so that they facilitate behavioral extinction instead of making things worse. Helping upper management understand the negative cascading impact that bullying and harassment has on problem solving in the workplace so that they stop rewarding bad behavior.

I talk to people all over the world about this issue. Everyone wants it fixed. The reason we haven't succeeded, is because all our interventions are based on flawed assumptions instead of established behavioral science. My videos are available at Humanist Learning Systems or with amazon prime membership in case anyone wants to educate themselves. And yes - I have free programs for kids as well -

https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

House Hold Chores, Operant Conditioning & Perverse Incentives

Whenever I give live programs on how to stop harassment using behavioral science - this comes up.

As I'm teaching a team how to train a bully to stop using rewards, reinforcements and neutral responses, someone will inevitably ask me whether they can use this to get their spouse to do the dishes.

The short answer is yes. You can.

And I highly recommend doing it if you want a happy humanist marriage. A good division of labor for chores is really helpful to make sure that one person doesn't feel exploited. Humanist marriages are about collaborative partnerships, not exploitation. Using marriage as an excuse to exploit the labor of your spouse is not ok. And yes, I do suddenly find myself sounding like a communist. But the point is - a marriage creates a community and a voluntary one at that. If you do not treat your spouse with dignity - they can leave!!!

Ok - so - how do you do it? First - I recommend taking my - ending harassment course and/or reading my book the Bully Vaccine. Either of these will help give you a grounding in the science of behavioral modification.

Second, commit to only using these powers for good.

Third, review your current interactions. The reason your spouse isn't helping is probably because you are disincentive them. If they do a chore and instead of thanks and rewards, they get a lecture of how everything they did was wrong, you will very quickly find that they do NOT want to do the chore. You aren't helping them. You aren't positively rewarding the behavior you want - the dishes done. You are training them to not do it by punishing them when they do it. Seriously. This is the dynamic.

If you want to change the outcome, you need to change the dynamic. And that means - really think about what it is you want them to do and then - reward them for doing it!!!!! This does require you to allow them to do it wrong and not the way you would do it. The point is - they did it and they should be rewarded.

Should you have to reward them for doing a chore they should be doing anyway? Yes!!!!!! OK. No. I understand they should just do it - but pretend you are training a dog to do a new trick. You have to reward the behavior you want in order to establish it.

My husband and son - do the dishes. Without me asking. Yes - this really does work. No - I don't make a fuss when they don't do it the way I would do it. Why? Because I would rather they do the dishes than do it my way. As long as the dishes get cleaned and I didn't have to do them - to me- that's a win. And yes - the little amount of time it takes to thank them - which you should be doing anyway - because people like to be appreciated - is well worth the teeny bit of effort it takes me to say - thank you!

People really need to get off the - I'm the injured long suffering party and I need to be catered too high horse they are on in their marriages. Just be nice to each other. When a spouse does a chore - even if they do it wrong - thank them for the effort!!!!

Treat your spouse with dignity. They are an adult (I hope) and you married them for a reason. Treat them as if they are the awesome person you want them to be and let them live up to your expectations.

Please note - that this only really works when you and your spouse are basically sane mature adults. If one of you has a mental health issue like OCD - then I have another suggestion for you. One time I had a guy in one of my sessions who was the one who asked this. He said he had OCD and hated the way his wife did dishes and he was really hoping to train her to do them the way he likes. My advice to him was this. if you REALLY can't stand how she does it - stop asking that she do it. Just - that's your job. Period. Let her do another chore that isn't going to trigger you. Not everything has to be a fight. Divide up the labor and allow each partner to have autonomy over it.

I lived in a house in college with 6 people total. I hated dishes piled up and so did the dishes. One of the guys hated dirty floors and so was always sweeping. Another hated trash being piled up and so would take the trash out. Another hated dirty kitchen and so would clean the kitchen and dining room table. You get the idea.

Everyone complained that they were the only ones doing that particular chore. But no one in the house was slacking. We all had chores that became ours by virtue of our low tolerance for that problem. We had migrated to our jobs and divided up the labor evenly.

Really look at your chore list and divide it up and give people autonomy. Or split the parts of the chores up. Hubby unloads, wife loads the dishwasher. Whatever it is. you can come up with an equitable division of labor if you let go of the control of needing the job done a certain way.

And if you can't let it go - then do it yourself and stop hassling everyone for not being perfect.

Can this help you be a better leader? YES!!!!!! Allow people to do the work you asked them to do. DOn't punish them when they do it wrong. Thank them and then encourage them to improve or show them how to do it an easier way or slightly different way. But don't go all negative on them and expect positive results. People don't respond to negativity with positive responses. You want people doing the work - thank them!!!!

What can companies actually do about harassment?

Google was in the news this week because - 20,000+ of their employees walked out to demand better treatment of women. Their demands include not just pay equity, but also - improvements to how the company deals with harassment problems.

Photo by Russell Brandom / The Verge

Their list of demands seems quite reasonable and can be found here: https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/google-walkout-organizers-explain-demands.html

The catalyst for this was that an executive at Alphabet - the parent company of Google - stepped down amid harassment allegations. https://www.upi.com/Google-workers-walking-off-the-job-amid-sexual-harassment-cases/2971541066788/

This was an is a global movement within the company and the company was supportive of the walk out - meaning - they were not planning to retaliate against employees who participated. Which is good.

The basic demands are pay equity, transparent policy regarding harassment, an end to force arbitration, a diversity officer that reports directly to the CEO and employee representation on the board. These all seem like reasonable demands.

But this does bring up the question, what can companies realistically do? Obviously - conducting a harassment training isn't enough. A training won't change behavior and it certainly won't change processes that are in place to protect the company instead of processes to protect the employees.

This last bit is the important part. What the employees want - are processes that protect them. The problem is that even with processes in place, they aren't always used and processes can often protect the accused and cause harm to the victim.

So what should companies that take this seriously do? Find out what ideally should be happening. And I don't mean - the basics - have a whistle blower program and polices etc. Though you should have all that.

What I mean is that employees and lawyers advising employers need to know what exactly should be happening to make the unwanted behavior stop. It should be pretty clear to everyone that telling someone who is abusing an employee to stop - doesn't actually work. I get called in when companies have an employee they want to "fix." And if that is your attitude, you aren't going to succeed.

Harassment is a behavior. Unwanted behaviors can be eliminated but you need to know the science of how exactly that happens so you can build your process to accomplish that. Legal concerns are important, but legal processes are almost always after the fact and designed to protect the employer against claims made by an employee. And yes - you need to do that - but again - that leaves your employees vulnerable and tends to protect the abuser and actually increases the harm done.

So let's stop putting the cart before the horse and start focusing on what actually has to happen to help employees protect themselves and their co-workers from the bad apples in your organization. Learn what works to make unwanted behaviors stop!

I have a lot of courses on this and if you are a labor lawyer and have not yet been taught the behavioral science of how to get unwanted behaviors to stop - I have great news for you - I have courses approved by the FL Bar for CLE credit. So please start learning this and lets start changing how we handle these situations.

Behavioral Science Based Bullying & Harassment Courses: https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

CLE: https://humanistlearning.com/category/continuing-education-2/cle/